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© Doug Slagle, Pastor at the Gathering, UCC, 10-16-11, All Rights Reserved

To listen to the message, click below:

© Doug Slagle, Pastor at the Gathering, All Rights Reserved

To listen to the message, click here:

I recently heard about a Pastor who challenged any member of his congregation to come forward and, in return for $100.00, hold one of their fingers in the the heart of a candle flame for a full fifteen seconds.  As would likely be the case in many congregations, a cocky young man immediately raised his hand and came up to the front of the church.  He placed his finger into the flame but soon flinched and was only able to keep it there for six seconds.  The Pastor smiled a satisfied grin and then looked straight into the eyes of the young man, in front of the entire church, and asked him if he could imagine that fiery pain not just in the tip of one finger but over his hand, arm and indeed his whole body.  He asked him to imagine such pain, over his entire body, lasting not just six seconds, but an hour, a day, a year, ten-thousand years!  And then in a solemn voice this Pastor told the young man that even after ten-thousand years, it would be just the beginning of eternal burning pain that an unforgiven sinner would experience in hell.  If the young man wanted to save himself from such a terrible fate, he could repent of his sins and accept Jesus Christ as his savior then and there!

As much as I disagree with such persuasive tactics, this was simply a demonstration of what many world religions teach about the existence of hell.  During this month of Halloween, when thoughts turn to scary things as a way to laugh at our fears, the idea that hell exists as a real place is perhaps the ultimate fright we might face.  What rational person would choose to horribly suffer forever, or wish to think of family and friends experiencing the same?  Indeed, I have heard many Pastors half jokingly say their real occupation is to sell fire insurance.  The famed evangelist of the early twentieth century, Billy Sunday, even said that if hell does not exist, then he and many other preachers were taking money under false pretenses.  And Billy Graham, not to be outdone by any hellfire and brimstone preacher, once shouted that the problem with many churches is that because there is not enough hell preached from the pulpit, there is too much hell in the pews!

And, so I will take Billy Graham’s advice.  You will get your fill of hell from me today.  To be very blunt with you, hell is real.
While Judaism, Islam and Christianity all have similar beliefs on the existence of hell, such views of divine punishment are seen by some theologians as coming from an ancient view of justice.  Ideas about second chances, rehabilitation, personal change and mitigating circumstances were unknown in many ancient cultures.  In a world where only good and evil could exist, there was no room for grey areas.  Wrongdoing and evil must not only be punished but must be done so with extreme and final measures.  While we can argue the same notions are true in our own nation, the idea of an eye for an eye, death by stoning for immoral behavior, crucifixion and a sentence to eternal hell were seen as fair and just in past cultures.  Humans must work to ruthlessly eliminate evil.  The idea of hell served that purpose.

Many religious historians believe the fiery image of Hades originated from the Jerusalem trash dump.  Just over the south wall of that ancient city was a long valley into which all of that city’s waste was dumped.  The bodies of executed criminals were placed there as fires were kept perpetually lit in order that trash and accumulated filth would be consumed.  A portion of this area is traditionally held to be the Potter’s field where Judas was hung and buried.  Ribbons of smoke continuously wafted up from this stinking, fiery valley.  If there was anywhere on earth that ought to be avoided, it was this spot.  It was easy to imagine hell as just like that very real place.  Indeed, writing in the Biblical Book of Revelation, John saw a vision where the dead stand in front of the throne of God as the book of life is opened up and read.  All who are not written in the Book of Life, the list of persons eligible for Heaven, are cast into the lake of fire, an image perhaps borrowed from the Jerusalem trash heap.  That is where all evil resides forever.

Halloween, for us, is a playful holiday to laugh at and even make fun of things that scare us.  Ghosts and goblins are frightening but to dress up as one is to mock it and reduce it.  It is interesting to me, however, that many still find the religious concept of hell to be so threatening.  On the one hand, we are called to worship and honor a gracious and loving God who created us and has our best interests at heart.  But this same God supposedly uses coercion and threat to bully us into loving him or her.   “Believe in me, love me and obey me or else I will condemn you to hell.  My justice cannot be questioned.  I am God after all.”  And if we do choose this God, is that really love of such a deity or merely fear of his or her threat?

Even in the backs of some of the most skeptical of minds, this form of divine justice rings true.  Evil is bad and so there must be a place where final justice awaits.  The Hitlers, Ted Bundys and other thoroughly nasty people deserve punishment, we tell ourselves.  An eternity of burning pain seems fair for someone like Hitler.  Even if he did make the trains run on time and he was good to his dog, his evil outweighed his good.  Too often in our own minds we consciously weigh the sum of our own life actions – the good on one side of a scale and the bad on the other.  Our hope is that good will outweigh the bad and our souls will avoid eternal hell.  Even as some of us don’t believe in hell, we hedge our bets, we figuratively buy fire insurance by keeping a running balance sheet of our good and bad deeds.

My problem with this religious approach to eternity is its ultimately selfish outlook.  Love of truth, justice, compassion and goodness in that perspective is often simply a way to avoid eternal hell.  Even a belief that Jesus was the Christ and is our Savior is often just a free ticket to avoid hell.  And such views are myopic as well.  The same mindset that hopes for the promise of Heaven and fears the horrors of hell, often overlooks the very real horrors of garbage dumps around the world where children and families are forced to live on, and scavenge within, to survive.  It ignores the tortured life of young gay boy, daily harassed and bullied so that the only way for him to avoid that pain is through suicide.  Blind eyes are turned away from children in our city who are immigrants or homeless and whose only place of refuge is a clean school with breakfast and lunch.  We can save the salary of an administrator or cut school budgets if we forget about those children.

We also know the evils that exist in the minds of many – us included – hatreds, subtle prejudices, violent speech towards those with whom we disagree, anger at loved ones, unforgiving attitudes, selfishness, depressions, arrogance, addictions, etc, etc.  There are nursing homes full of ignored and dying elderly; orphanages full of unwanted and unloved kids; homeless shelters full of unwashed and untreated men and women; overcrowded jails where there is no hope, rehabilitation or redemption; wartime morgues in which death is simply a daily count of bodies.

I remember one of my trips to Haiti when I visited even that nation’s most notorious of poor neighborhoods.  Into “Cite Soleil” as it is called, City of the Sun, we ventured.  I gasped in horror at the actual sight of a bloated, dead human body lying in a gutter, people simply stepping around it.  Pigs rooted in mounds of garbage, homes were plywood and plastic sheet shacks, endless streams of people wandered with no seeming purpose.  The streets were hot, narrow, and strewn with trash.  The gutters were open sewage streams.  One relatively clean building in this warren of poverty housed young children piled two or three to a crib.  They suffered from terminal tuberculosis and AIDS.  Sisters of Charity nuns tended them until they died.  It might be a cliche to say this, but I’ve seen hell.  I’ve been to it.  You have likely visited it too.  Such a place is found all around the world.  Oh yes, hell is real.

Oscar Wilde once said, “We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.”  Adding to that thought, Tennessee Williams remarked, “Hell is yourself and the only redemption is when a person puts himself or herself aside to feel deeply for another person.”  Hell is all around us and we have each helped to create it.

My friends you have heard me say before that God is not an outside force controlling our lives and our destiny.  He or she is us and it is our duty, therefore, to help build heaven on earth.  That is the only spirituality that has any meaning for me.  That is the only reason for this church to exist – for all of us to be here today, to volunteer and to give.  The Gathering does NOT sell fire insurance.  As long as I am Pastor, it never will.  We’re here to be fire-FIGHTERS putting out the flames of hell in our own lives and in the lives of those in the community.  We practice and believe in a spirituality of the here and now.  Jesus began his public ministry claiming the kingdom of god – heaven – is at hand.  It is here and available for us right now, he said.   As small “g” gods and goddesses, it is ours to create, build and sustain – in our minds, in our hearts, and in the lives of those who need it the most.

There are numerous religious and theological reasons for denying the existence of a supernatural hell – the one of eternal suffering and torture.  Indeed, one of the most compelling arguments against a religious view of hell is that logically it makes the existence of heaven impossible.  How could heaven be a perfect place of joy, love and eternal happiness if it is populated by persons who know friends and family are burning in a perpetual lake of fire – hell?  Indeed, that supposedly heavenly existence, for me at least, would be worse than hell.  I cannot fathom an eternity of knowing that people I love are suffering forever.

Another compelling argument against a supernatural hell is that it is inconsistent with the loving and all gracious God most religions describe.  That God is one of mercy and love who would never eternally punish his or her creation for their momentary and weak lapses.  This loving God would also never stoop to forcing people to love him or her.  The threat of hell is inconsistent with that God.  Such a threat does not represent a free will choice on the part of humanity, but a blatant way to coerce belief.

Whatever ways one might choose to refute the possibility of eternal hell, that is not my primary concern today.  We confront very real hells that can exist in our own minds and in our world.
We have the power to fight those hells and even defeat them.  In the hell of our own suffering, our own negative attitudes, our own subtle prejudices and hatreds, we can change.  Indeed, heaven and hell are often a state of mind.  John Milton, the author of Paradise Lost, wrote in that book, “The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of hell……..and a hell of heaven.”  Truer words were never spoken.

With my firm belief in the power of cognitive therapy, the private depressions we experience, the pain of hurt feelings, the stabs of bitterness and the lonely hopelessness we can all feel – these are very real hells in our own psyches that we can defeat.  Turning our minds toward the blessings we do have, toward the good we can help build in other lives, toward the gifts we receive from friends and family – all these are ways to create heaven in us and in others.

When we as a congregation work at the Freestore, prepare a meal for Inter-Faith Hospitality families, serve a homeless teen at Anthony House, or work to raise money for them, we are creating a vision of heaven.  When we think about the words of a Sunday message – as I often do – and then go home and seek to change the way we think and act, we are building heaven.  Fighting the very real hells in our own lives and in the world is our mission, our passion and our purpose.  We give money, serve, love one another, show up here on Sundays – all to eliminate the hells of here and now.
In the Book of Revelation, John also wrote of his vision of a new earth where every tear will be wiped away with no more mourning, crying, sickness or pain.  The streets will be paved with gold and all humanity will share in earth’s bounty.  It is that vision of heaven on earth that I seek.  It is not here yet.  It may never be.  But we can and must see the beauty that is available to us.  We must capture the joys and pleasures of life no matter how difficult or hopeless it may sometimes seem.  We must make it our life purpose to work for that experience and possibility in each and every life.  Hell is indeed real but it need not be allowed its victory.  In our own lives, in our own minds, in the lives and minds of those who do hurt and suffer, let us fight hell and build heaven.  Into whose life will you help build heaven today………tomorrow………and for countless tomorrows ahead?
I wish you, one and all, much peace and even more joy.

© Doug Slagle, Pastor at the Gathering, UCC, All Rights Reserved, 9-25-11

With the message series theme this month of “An Old Fashioned Revival”, my hope has been to stimulate reflection on renewal and growth.  What individual purposes do we each have in life?  How do we revive and practice non-violence in speech and actions in our national political and religious discussions?  Last, week, we thought about finding purpose for churches in general.  Today, I want to look at the Gathering – to take an inward look at where the church is headed.  As we move into a crucial time – when budgets, pledge campaigns and plans for next year are undertaken, let us think about this place and its future.

As Pastor here, I am privileged to know many Gathering stories.  There are two members here who recently began a close friendship based on mutual support and encouragement.  They regularly meet, have travelled together and formed the kind of beautiful relationship as friends that makes me smile in deep appreciation for how this place brought them together.

Another member here drove home after hearing one Sunday message, and tears came to this persons eyes.  Measuring up to what was asked in the message seemed impossible – life is too hard and full of difficulties.  Nevertheless, this member got home, got out pen and paper and wrote down all the ways to fulfill the message ideas.  This member e-mailed me the list and continues to report how life is better and changed.

Another member told me about meeting a young child at an Inter-Faith Hospitality night whom that member had connected with several months prior at a Project Connect lunch we cooked and served.  This child was particularly taken with the member.  In only an hour, the child had formed an attachment.  Parting ways after lunch was difficult.  When the child saw this member again many months later, and remembered that person, a huge smile came across the child’s face, the relationship was renewed and efforts were made to stay connected.  The Gathering does not just serve homeless youth, it touches their lives.

Just before last Christmas, another member told me their reluctance to attend Christmas Eve service.  Christmas was not filled with good memories.  It hurts too much and this member is reminded of alcoholic parents and Christmas promises never fulfilled.  But this member attended the service anyway, heard the message on seeing the holiday through the eyes of a servant, saw the video with images of serving – accompanied to Dick Buccholz’s version of “Little Drummer Boy”, and this member began crying.  Christmas was not about personal hurt but something higher and more beautiful.

I have seen countless times when faces brighten in here at the sight of a Gathering friend not seen in a while; I have heard of numerous acts of kindness and service for fellow members, seen hundreds of selfless acts of community outreach – members working in manual labor at the Freestore, hugging young people at Anthony House, playing with children at Inter-Faith Hospitality, quietly paying for gifts, food and clothing for homeless teens.

When I said in my message last week that the ultimate sign of a highly effective church is that it impacts, for good, the lives of people, how can anyone not see a beautifully effective church in the Gathering?  This is not me or any of you individually that does such work.  It is us.  It is this congregation.  It is the Gathering.

Two years ago, as many of you recall, this congregation was hit with the news of Steve’s departure.  There seemed to be lots of dark clouds on the horizon.  How would this church survive?  Some said that the church had lived a good life but now it was time to simply fade away.  Others said they would leave if there was a long interim period.  Through one of those semi-miraculous confluence of situations, I had a desire to be fulfilled and of use in a role I love – that of being a Pastor.  And the Gathering had a need for a Pastor and was willing to take a risk with me.

Two years later, most would agree the Gathering avoided those dark and stormy clouds on the horizon.  No longer do members talk of leaving or of shutting down the church.  Finances remain precarious but there is no immediate danger.  There is new energy and vitality.  And please, do not take these words today as self-praise.  I have played a role in this regard but NO more so than the members here – than this collective body of caring and generous people.

As good as it seems in the current stability, compared with two years ago, what has been achieved is nice for a while but the church cannot remain as it is now.  Effective churches are not complacent, they take risks with new ideas and new ways to impact lives.  I want to encourage this congregation to purposefully take on such challenges – to bring ALL members into active involvement, to expand what is done and to never rest in a status quo.  In doing so, new stories of change, learning and serving – like some I just told – will be shared for years to come.

The Gathering purpose, therefore, is to offer a progressive spiritual message, by word and deed, that changes lives for the good of both members and those in the community.  To evolve and grow as a congregation – to refuse to rest on past successes – the Gathering must, and I repeat must, continue to grow in size and in depth.

To be very specific with you for a few moments, we are still a church in the beginning stages of life.  We have not reached maturity in being able to sustain this place without significant efforts and sacrifices by members and the Pastor.  The goal must be to reach a financial point where this congregation can fully support itself in ways that are consistent with other established churches.

For the long term viability and survival of the Gathering, it needs sufficient funds to pay for:

1) an annual contribution of 10% of total giving into the church reserve fund.  This is saving for an emergency – the loss of income from a major donor or to fund a future project.

2) an annual contribution of 10% into the outreach account to fund partner community organizations like Anthony House.  Such funds might come, as they will this year, from fund raising efforts like tonight’s benefit concert.

3) the lease of a larger space that includes designated off street parking,

4) provision to the Pastor – me or whomever serves in this role in the future – wages and benefits that are competitive with what is offered at other established churches.  Because of my love and commitment to the Gathering, I am willing for a time to accept below market wages because I know that is all this congregation can currently afford.  But, for the long term health here – not for my benefit – the Gathering must reach a point where it can offer its Pastor competitive salary and benefits.  Movement toward this goal is important to us and to me.

To achieve these four goals and thus survive for the long term, I repeat and emphasize my earlier statement – this congregation must grow in size and in depth.  To fund all of these goals, hopefully within five years, the church needs to double current pledging families – going from 25 pledging families to 50.  In overall numbers for the congregation, that would take the Gathering to between 75 and 100 active members.

I wish that increasing our member numbers were easy – that we could go out and tell people how great this congregation is as a spiritual community and the next Sunday there would be standing room only and overflowing offering baskets!  But that is not likely to happen.  This congregation will have to work at this goal, to make strategic plans, to have every member take seriously the value of the church and its need to grow.

I believe the Gathering offers a good product as a spiritual community.  It is not divided into factions or groups of angry members.  It celebrates all people, beliefs and ways of life.  We encourage and offer opportunities to develop deep friendships.  Outreach and community service are important here.  Our particular niche is to serve homeless youth and the Gathering continues to expand work in that area. Thought provoking, life challenging and musically excellent Sunday services are offered.  For the congregation, a question must be, “why is the Gathering not growing faster?”

We should not be so smug as to say that the Gathering is a perfect fit for everybody. It is not.  But it offers a spiritually inclusive and progressive community attractive to many.  I believe there are three factors holding back Gathering growth…

1) Our location in Over-the-Rhine is a mental stumbling block for some.  Sadly, many people in Cincinnati perceive the church location as dangerous.  Whatever underlies that perception, many folks who know nothing about Over-the-Rhine are afraid of this location.  We should NOT move or change because of this mindset, but it is one to acknowledge as limiting growth.

2) The size of this room – our worship space – is a stumbling block to growth.  This space can seat a maximum of 60 people comfortably.  On the average good Sunday, we approach or exceed the magic number that churches use to measure space needs.  Any church must have at least 20% of its seats available for newcomers – and those seats should be near the entrance and easily accessible.  If we put ourselves in the shoes of a visitor, he or she wants to quietly check out a church, sit in the back, and take time to evaluate the experience.  Visitors want to slip into seats quickly, easily and anonymously.

If we are 80% full, and that means attendance of 45 to 50 people which is often realized, the Gathering is at maximum capacity.  As a result, space here is limiting growth because of a lack of open and easily accessible seats for visitors.

3) The final factor holding back growth is the most significant one.  The Gathering has no easily accessible off street parking.  Finding nearby parking spots is very difficult.  For those who cannot walk long distances, that is a very big factor.  For those who harbor fears, this is a big factor.  In snow or bad weather, walking a long distance is an added factor.  Some members have returned home when a reasonable parking spot was not available.  If a member has done this, how many visitors have also – people our congregation may never meet?  The lack of parking is a huge issue – the biggest one I believe.  The use of nearby parking lots has been explored and none are open to us.

What are solutions to these three factors limiting growth?  I cannot dictate answers.  The congregation must decide those since the Gathering is led as a democracy.  Members are the leaders.

In my opinion the Gathering will not grow to a congregation size capable of financially achieving the goals I outlined earlier unless it finds a new space.  I say this with sadness as this space has been very good.  This location says a lot about congregation values.  If it should move, the Gathering will not change its character as an urban church serving the needs of an inner city community.  The Gathering should, I believe, only consider new space in an urban setting within a few miles of here.

The space needs teams has investigated several options.  It has concluded the church is not in a position to purchase a building.  Most buildings the church could afford are in poor repair and would require major investment.  Combining forces with another church, the team has found, is not a viable option either.  Other churches contacted have politely rejected us sharing their space.  The remaining option – renting or leasing a larger space with ample parking – is the team’s recommendation.  The search for such a space has not yet been undertaken aggressively.

Stuart Blersch and I recently met with two local Pastors who told of terrible things in their wealthy churches – factions, fighting, bitterness, selfishness, and greed.  Stuart and I remarked how unlike the Gathering is to that, even though it is a relatively poor church.

This is a special, special place.  There is real and palpable love here.  People walk their talk.  There is little pretense.  Folks are caring, giving and devoted.  The church operates cooperatively and in peace without leaders and committees.

I am so blessed to work here.  I am thankful for the opportunity and privilege.  It is because of my love for its members and for what the Gathering is – its history, its values and its purpose – that I want to see it survive and thrive long after all of us are gone.

The Gathering needs to grow.  That is a plain and simple fact.  It cannot rely forever on the significant sacrifice of individual members and its Pastor.  It must stand on its own collective strength.  I ask each of you – I ask all of those who hear this message or who read it online – to join together, to get involved in specifically offering solutions to this need to grow.  With each suggestion, the Gathering then needs volunteers who will put them into practice.  Every member needs to be involved in this work.  If impacting your life for the better, if changing the lives of other members for the better, if having a spiritual oasis of deep friendship and community, if serving the needs of homeless youth – if all of these are important to you and are things you wish to continue, the Gathering needs your help.

I ask for your thoughts and ideas now, and perhaps in a future separate congregation meeting.  I ask for action and bold, new solutions.  Growth in our personal lives and in that of this church is not an option – it is a necessity for survival.

I wish you all much peace and even more joy.

© Doug Slagle, Pastor at the Gathering, UCC, All Rights Reserved, 9-18-11

Audio file:

As a church, we do not have one of those changeable signs out front that often serve to both promote and provoke.    The best church signs, I think, are witty and don’t seem so self-important.  Some actual phrases posted on church signs that I have found to be very funny are:

The first, “God, help me to be the person my dog thinks I am.”  Or another:

“Life stinks, we have a pew for you.”  Or another:

“We’re not Dairy Queen, but we have good Sundays.” or

“Are you bored?  Try a missionary position here.” and, perhaps my favorite,

“Do you know what hell is?  Come here our preacher.”

Intentional or not, such signs serve a purpose.  They often convey the character and personality of a church.  Usually, the character of a church flows directly from its vision of itself and its implicit purpose for existence.

As with any organization – be it a Fortune 500 multi-national corporation employing tens of thousands of people or a small family of two or three, each successful grouping of people has a well-defined purpose for its existence that adds value to the world.  Some purpose statements are simple but precise, they are daily put into practice and they continually help focus the organization toward meeting its values and goals.  Other organizational purpose statements are outdated, inconsistent, not well known and offer little or no direction.

Ultimately, the stated purpose of a church or congregation, and the degree to which that purpose is practiced, will determine the church’s success or failure.  As we discussed in the message two weeks ago on finding and then writing a personal purpose for life, the stated mission of any church is not about setting specific goals of action or of achievement.  Those are important but they must flow directly from the vision and values of the organization.  Everything a church does, as much as possible, should relate to and support the purpose statement.  As Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “Those who have a why to exist, can bear with almost any how.”

What collective values and passions cause a church to continue to exist and hopefully thrive?  What motivates members to give their money and time?  Within the community and world, what does the church do that has impact?

These are essential questions and, I believe, of vital importance to the long term success or failure of any organization and especially for churches.  As I just said, absolutely everything that is done in an effective church will be motivated by a desire to fulfill its purpose – from cleaning the restrooms, to handing out programs, to music played and sung, to outreach in the community, to weekly Sunday services, to any of the smallest tasks performed.  Vision, values and purpose inform, motivate and define everything.  In this way, a spiritual community stays true to its reason for existence and thereby offers each of its members a higher reason for attending, giving and volunteering.  A clear vision also offers visitors a reason to want to belong and attend again.  Who wants to be a part of a church that has no idea for why it exists and no higher purpose other than to consume valuable resources others produce?

It is said that organizations with a clear purpose, that regularly work to implement it in all that they do, succeed far more than those with a non-existent or poorly implemented mission statement.  Over the last ten years, companies voted as some of the best to work for in terms of values and compassion for both customer and employee, they had a nearly 7% stock appreciation compared with a 1% appreciation for companies not considered best to work at.   Employees and customers are drawn to organizations that have meaning, purpose and impact for the betterment of the world in general.  They not only know where they are going but they operate with consistent values which inform all that they do.   These companies impact the lives of others for the better.  While a for profit corporation is not the same as a church, factors determining success or failure are still the same.  People are drawn to churches that have determined they will make a difference and then they actually do so.

In this message series on revival, we will have considered four areas of renewal that are valuable to any of us.  Two weeks ago, we looked at finding a personal life purpose.  Last week, we considered national revival and finding civility and non-violence in our dialogue.  This week we will consider church revival in general – finding the mission for churches, and in particular, progressive churches, to exist.  Finally, next week we will look at specifics as they relate to the Gathering.  What are our collective purposes and how will we achieve them in the coming years?

George Barna, the well known church analyst and pollster whose work examines the state of religion in America, performed an influential study on churches that are highly effective and those that are not.  He found that only 10% of churches are highly effective, about 50% are effective, with the remainder as failing.  His criteria for evaluation were not based on size, wealth, denomination or theology of a congregation.  Indeed, nearly thirty percent of all churches in American have memberships of under 100 people, and at least 10% of those are rated as highly effective.  He focused solely on whether a church had impact in the lives of its members and in the community.

Ineffective churches, he found, had four things in common.  First, they accept mediocrity as a standard.  Not only is the Pastor not encouraged and supported to be as good as possible, members are OK with token volunteerism, small giving and lackluster planning and execution of events.  There is little excitement or passion within the congregation.  People seem to just go through the motions of keeping the church running.

Second, ineffective churches also take few or no risks in anything they do.  They fail to innovate and are content with doing things the way they have always been done.  Experimenting with new ideas, advancing new projects, dreaming big for the future – all of these are not undertaken.  Stagnation is the result.

Third, ineffective churches are closed, insular and non-inviting. They believe visitors can find them if they want to.  There is no strategic effort to think about the visitor and how he or she might perceive the church or even choose to attend.  New people have to like them as they are.  There is little concern for offering a welcoming, friendly, comfortable and easily accessible facility to attend.

Finally, ineffective churches do not offer a compelling reason for belonging beyond being part of a social group.  Personal growth and learning is not encouraged.  Service to those outside of the church is not emphasized.  These churches are merely nice places to visit once a week.  They are not integrated into member lives and they offer few opportunities for personal growth through learning or through serving.

Effective churches, on the other hand, encourage the development of deep and significant relationships within the congregation.  The formation of friendships and deep relationships is vital.   These churches invest in and value excellent Sunday services – for the music and the message.  Pastoral messages uplift and challenge.  Music is meaningful and played with excellence.  Effective churches are strategic in how to bring in new people, they encourage and develop ways for people to grow spiritually, they promote giving and volunteering as a holistic and spiritual exercise – every member participates in the life of the church.  Effective churches serve those in need within the community and, finally, they equip and train people how to spiritually minister to and heal themselves.

To boil all of that down, churches should exist to impact for good the lives of people.  One way to do that is by encouraging and challenging members to grow, learn and deepen their spirituality.   Churches should challenge members to spiritually think and question the values and meaning of life, to ask thought provoking questions, and to seek out, through reading or study, new insights for better living.

Second and most important, a church exists to organize and challenge its members to volunteer and financially give as a way to express the value of service for others.   Doing church is not a spectator sport.  Churches should invite and engage people to be players – activists who participate in improving not only their own lives but those of others too.  Just as any effective organization needs every member to get involved in its purpose and mission, so too do churches.

You have heard me say before that churches are not museums of saints on display, a place of supposedly perfect people for the outside world to admire.  Churches are like spiritual hospitals and medical schools where people come to get better and learn how to help others.  As with any medical care, though, most patients do not simply lie in bed and expect others to cure them.  They take an active role in their personal health and vitality.  Furthermore, as communal organizations, churches bring together the combined energy and resources of their members to go out into the community and help make a difference.  The money I give or the time I volunteer, taken alone, cannot make as much difference as they can when combined with the money and effort of others.

Finally, churches offer a unique social setting that enables members to form deep, lasting and meaningful relationships with each other.  If each member of a church can say that some of his or her best and most important friends are from that same church, if opportunities are continually provided to develop and grow such relationships, then something right is happening.  Effective and successful churches are places where close friendships are both common and deep.

Recently, I heard a few of us lament the plight of progressive churches in our nation.  Since many progressive people question the standard religious purpose for churches – that of worship and obedience to a supernatural god – most progressives simply stay away from anyplace calling itself a church.  And that is, indeed, a problem.  Too many GLBT folk, I often sadly note, stay away from any church simply because they have been so hurt and demeaned by many churches and denominations.

Many of us reject that standard religious purpose for churches that I just cited – that of worship and obedience to a supernatural god.  But that does not mean we should reject principles that make any church or any organization effective.  A church purpose – or any organizational purpose – should be for the good of all people.  A progressive church, therefore, is in the unique position of being able to actually practice what it preaches.   Progressive churches really do advance the well-being of all people – not just those who belong, believe or act as they do.  Universal human growth, universal human potential and the betterment of all humanity and all creation are what motivates a progressive church.

As I have listed some general purposes for churches, progressive ideals must be added to them.  They are values that are favored by many in our nation.  One need not be a believer to join a progressive church.  Atheists are welcome.  One need not be straight, or white, or suburban.  One can be a transsexual, a person of color, a Muslim, a Jew, a Buddhist, a skeptic, a homeless person, disabled, young, gay, whatever!  And nobody in a progressive church will ask you to change your unique identity.  You are beautiful just as you are.

As a place that truly welcomes and celebrates all people, a progressive church is also a place of challenge and encouragement.  Members are not content with rigid dogma taught to them by supposedly enlightened men and women.  There is no spiritual rest for progressive church members.  Indeed, the spiritual work is all the harder because spiritual truths must be continually examined and re-imagined. Progressive church members question.  They seek.  They wonder aloud and to themselves.  Doubts continue to percolate and that is good.  Life becomes one long exploration of what is new, beautiful and wondrous.  The ancient is combined with the new.  Mystery is embraced along with reason.  The rational mind plays an important role, combined with myth and allegory, to determine important lessons for life.

Everybody is loved, valued and appreciated.  In Progressive churches, there is no sin under the sun except for that which does harm to another.  Progressive churches promote the Golden Rule as the standard for true morality – members strive to love and treat others as they too wish to be loved and treated.  People accept responsibility for their actions but they are not forced to carry guilt and shame imposed by false religious standards.  Forgiveness comes from within and from others.  The ethic is to live humbly in this world – meaning that other pathways for life, purpose and faith are equally valid.  As a progressive church member, one respects, loves and serves.  One gives, learns and grows.  Scripture is drawn from many sources and is ever-evolving.

It takes courage to be a progressive church member.  Such churches are not common.  If one rejects religion, one usually rejects church.  But progressives offer a new vision of church that takes the qualities of any effective organization and uses them to serve and impact all people, all faiths, all sexual identities.  No judgement.  No intolerance.  No false or outdated standards.  Love, peace and the true ethic of Jesus, Buddha and other prophets of history – compassion for the least of humanity – the hurting, sick, marginalized and poor; a rejection of privilege based on class, ethnicity or religion; a commitment to personal integrity – acting and speaking in ways that are consistent with beliefs.  Such are the ways of Jesus and of progressive churches.  I believe they are the ways of future spirituality.

In that regard, churches serve a vital and unique role in contemporary lives.  When functioning at their most effective, progressive churches profoundly impact the lives of the community and their members for good.  There are no other institutions that offer opportunities for meaningful personal growth, vital social interaction that builds deep friendships, and ways to serve the poor, outcast, homeless and hungry.  Indeed, my vision of an effective church is that of a beautiful, affirming and diverse community where all people are challenged and loved.  Churches change the human condition……………… and thus they change the world.

I wish you all peace and joy.

© Doug Slagle, Pastor at the Gathering, All Rights Reserved

Let us take a few minutes and consider several true scenarios about everyday life in our community and nation.  Listen with your hearts and minds to the overt or subtle forms of prejudice and discrimination that might be found in each story.

What do you think of a story about two white parents who adopt a bi-racial girl who is close to the same age as their two biological twin sons?  As the three children reach school age, the children are placed in the same second grade classroom.  They are assigned a caring, thoughtful and progressive teacher.  He is genuinely concerned about each of his students but seems to offer special concern for the bi-racial girl.  During the school year, he consults with the parents about the twin boys and works with them about academic challenges the boys are having.  He arranges for extra tutoring and discusses strategies to assist them.  When report cards are sent home, the parents are surprised to learn their daughter has relatively low marks.  When they ask the teacher why they had not been previously informed – as they had for their boys – the teacher reports love and admiration for the girl and says she is achieving to the limit of her capability.

Or, consider an African-American computer company executive who, after three years working at the company, discovers that every Friday evening many white male co-workers assemble at a local bar for happy hour drinks.  No women or minorities are included in this gathering.  Even though it appeared at first to merely be an offensive social group, he learns that several business decisions had been made during these functions and realizes he and others had been shut out.

Or, think about the film “Philadelphia”, a sympathetic and ground breaking movie about AIDS and gay men.  On a courtroom witness stand, the character played by Tom Hanks discusses how he succumbed to the “repulsive gay lifestyle” – his words, not mine – when he went to watch gay pornography and engaged in a gay sexual encounter afterwards.  He faints on the witness stand after telling his story.  This scene is contrasted with a later cocktail party discussion by straight lawyers talking about their group visit to a female strip bar and the sexually provocative women they see and meet.  They seem to characterize their actions as normal heterosexual, male behavior.  None of them faint at the retelling of that story.

What are your thoughts of a sorority at a well-known Indiana university that summarily purges from their membership 23 girls.  No reasons are given other then the need to reduce costs to the sorority.  None of the girls complain, but friends of the girls report to campus authorities rumors and suspicions they have.  Many of the 23 girls are overweight.  A few have significant problems with facial acne.  It is assumed the 23 were purged because they would be considered by the wider campus culture as overweight and unattractive.

Or, think about a police captain in a large city who speaks at a forum on rape prevention after a well-publicized case involving a local woman.  During his presentation, he remarks that the raped woman had been dressed like a “slut”.  He concluded by asserting that if the women in the audience wanted to prevent their own rape, they should dress in conservative and demure attire – not like a “slut.”

Another true story scenario involves a woman who departed Music Hall here in Cincinnati after a concert.  After reaching her car, she found that it would not start.  She tried repeatedly to start it, but only a slow, grinding noise was the result.  Her efforts attracted the attention of a group of local men.  They were all African-American and they approached her car and began to tap on her side window, apparently asking her to roll it down.  The woman became alarmed and called 911 on her cell phone.  When the police arrived and questioned the men, they sincerely indicated their reason for approaching the woman’s car and tapping on her window was to try and get her to open her front hood so they could inspect the engine and see if they could help.

Finally, what are your thoughts of a caring and loving father who chose to attend PFLAG meetings – not the Cincinnati chapter – after his son came out.    At one meeting, he claimed that his son is “straight acting” in appearance.  He even talked about how his son was an athlete and played on the school football team of which he was an assistant coach.  His son may be gay, the dad proudly asserted, but he acts just like “normal” guys.

I assume that for each of us, we are able to discern the subtle but underlying prejudice in each story.  The well-intentioned teacher who nevertheless assumes girls or other those of other races can achieve only to certain academic levels.  Or the white group of business friends who may not think they discriminate but do so subtly in their social interactions and thus in their business dealings.  Or the prejudice that is latent in our culture about gay sexual expression contrasted against what is considered normal or straight sexual expression.  Or the level of “looksism” in our society – the subtle but pervasive ways we judge people based on weight and physical appearance.  Or the attitudes some men and women still have about how females dress themselves.  Men can often appear in parks or public places dressed in shorts – with no shirt – but women who dress in tight or revealing clothing are supposedly asking to be raped.  What about the subtle racism many of us have towards persons of color here in Over-the-Rhine.  In an area with many men who know how to repair cars – most locals need that knowledge since many lower income families drive older cars.  Why would a woman or any of us react with concern when a group of African-American men come to our rescue – versus a group of white men in coats and ties – who probably know nothing about car repair?  Or, finally, what about the degree of “fem-phobia” or “mascu-phobia” that is imposed on the different genders.  Even if one is a gay male, many of us believe he should not look or act feminine.  And the same holds true for lesbians – she should not look or act in any way that is too masculine.

As we sit here, each of us might think that such thoughts and attitudes are not ours.  We do not hold such prejudice nor would we ever act like those in the stories I just told.  And yet, I know I do.  I know that very feminine or flamboyant appearing or acting men make me uncomfortable.  I will treat them with respect but I silently note to myself how different they are.   I know when I walk outside these doors and down Main Street alone and am approached by a few African-American young men on the sidewalk, my pulse quickens.  I am tense and afraid.  And I know I have asked my daughters to be careful about how they dress and to consider that many men have only one thing on their minds.  I implicitly tell them their apparel might lead to rape.  I also know how I feel about being thin and supposedly healthy.  In the back of my mind, I am silently assuming that persons who are significantly overweight are unhealthy – even though that is often a fallacy.  Deep in the darkest recesses of my own heart and mind linger attitudes that are racist, sexist, looksist and fem or mascu phobic.  I am, truth be told, a closet bigot.

What are the silent and unacknowledged prejudices you hold in your hearts and minds?  If the truth sets us free, as Jesus said, can we experience our own personal “Revelation” in order to correct our attitudes and resulting actions?

The short story for this week, by Flannery O’Connor, deals with the idea of overt and subtle racism.  At its core, any form of discrimination comes from a human need to feel superior to another.  Whatever it may be, the dark side of human nature seeks to reduce others so that one might be feel more normal, smarter, prettier, thinner, wealthier, or just simply better.  This is played out in the waiting room scene in the story.  Mrs. Turpin, the main character, bases her judgement of others in the room  on their appearance, social status and race.  She clearly believes she is superior to African-Americans, to so-called white trash and to those who are ugly.  She does not perceive her thoughts to be in any way discriminatory.  By her stereotypes, African-Americans are lazy and inappropriately arrogant, lower class whites are uneducated and lack any socially redeeming qualities and those who are perceived by her to be ugly are almost as bad.  God blessed her by not creating her to be black, white trash or ugly.  By implication, in her warped understanding of Jesus’ teachings, anyone born black, white trash or ugly has been cursed by God – people who are as unworthy of the blessings in life as they are of God’s love.  Indeed, as her thinking implicitly goes, if God loved such people, he would not have made them so lowly.  Mrs. Turpin finds she shares such beliefs with the stylish woman in the waiting room.  The two women barely hide their contempt for the other white woman in the room – a woman who is not as wealthy, educated or refined as the other two.  She and her family are deemed white trash.  But even as that woman must suffer the scorn of discrimination and prejudice by more affluent whites, she too expressed vile contempt for African-Americans.  Out of a need to feel superior to someone else, she reflects a mindset that somebody has to be of even lower status than oneself.

In the Biblical book of Acts, which describes events that take place after the resurrection of Jesus, there is evident tension between the more Jewish followers of Jesus who seek to keep the new faith a part of Judaism and its many dietary rules and regulations, and those who profess an openness to non-Jews, gentiles and their customs.  Paul best represents the latter.   Peter and James, two disciples of Jesus, represent the former – those who saw Jesus as a strictly Jewish prophet – one not open to non-Jews.

One day, Peter has an epiphany when he sees a vision of a sheet lowered from heaven, full of all sorts of animals and fish – most of which were unsuitable for consumption based on Jewish Kosher law.  As he saw this vision, Peter hears the voice of God telling him to eat all of the animals in the vision even though many were pigs or types of shellfish – ritually unclean and unavailable to Jews.  Even further, God tells Peter not to call ANYTHING impure that God has made.  Implicit in this revelation to Peter is the idea that NO food and NO person should be considered unclean or impure.  All persons – whether Jew or gentile – are open to receive the love of God.

And this is much like the revelation experienced by Mrs. Turpin.  As she pours forth her contempt of blacks, poor white folk and the ugly, Mrs. Turpin is herself viewed with contempt by the stylish woman’s daughter, ironically named Mary Grace.  This girl openly sneers at the racist views of Mrs. Turpin.   Finally, no longer able to control her anger, Mary Grace hurls a book at Mrs. Turpin, hitting her just above the eye, and in words filled with fiery indignation, tells her she is an old wart hog from hell and to return from whence she came.

Evident throughout the description of this climactic scene is the symbol of eyesight – that of Mrs. Turpin whose sight is made blurry by being hit on the head, and that of Mary Grace whose eyes are piercing and ablaze with righteous fury at the smug, arrogant and racist words of Mrs. Turpin.  Mary is clearly cast in the role of an angry Biblical prophet much like Isaiah, Elijah or John the Baptist.  To Mrs. Turpin, Mary and her outburst seem to be a message from God.  “But just what is that message?” cries Mrs. Turpin to God.  Has she not been a pious, Bible reading, faithful follower of Jesus?  How dare some strange girl, or God Himself for that matter, tell her to go back to hell?   As she goes to feed and clean the pigs she and her husband raise, animals even the poor white woman said she would refuse to raise because they are so dirty, Mrs. Turpin realizes the same epiphany the Biblical Peter had.  If she is to judge others, then she too is a dirty pig.  What right does she have, as just another of God’s creatures, to judge another person or their actions?  The Biblical admonition, “judge not, lest ye be judged”, likely rings in her head.  Mrs. Turpin is literally struck dumb as she comes to realize that she is, indeed, no better and no worse than an old wart hog, an African-American, a poor white woman or anyone else. God will judge her as surely as she has judged others.  And, indeed, he has.  God has condemned her previous thinking to hell.

But lest we find any of ourselves in the smug position of reacting with approval at Mrs. Turpin’s comeuppance – bigots deserve such judgement – we must examine our own hearts and minds.  Forms of subtle racism and discrimination perhaps cloud even our supposedly pure, innocent and progressive minds.  Whatever form it takes, how many of us must admit to ourselves we too judge others?  And that judgement comes mostly from our eyes and the appearance of the other.  Is someone too feminine, too rich, too poor, too black, too overweight, too unkempt, too unclean, too ugly, too Asian, too Muslim, too unlike a “normal” person?  Do we treat such people the same as we too wish to be treated – according to the one Spiritual ethic on which all religions agree – the Golden Rule?  As some homeless folk from the streets outside often come in and ask to use our restroom, I find myself cringing and silently thinking to myself, “We are a church.  We cannot say ‘no’ to this person wanting to use our restroom.  But, oh, he or she is so dirty or so smelly or so drunk that our nice and clean restroom will be soiled.”

My friends, I daresay that open and overt attitudes of prejudice are better than the insidious but hidden and subtle forms.  At least, in the case of open racism, we know what we confront.  The power of Flannery O’Connor’s “Revelation” story – if we allow it to have that power – is not in the moment of truth Mrs. Turpin has; the calling out of nasty racism.  It is in the lesson we might learn.  Just as she too thought herself better than others, the same may well hold true for many of us.  We might think ourselves superior to her.  We are not.

If nothing in the universe created by the Divine hand is unclean, than all are deserving of our total love and respect.  The unattractive, the Muslim, the immigrant, the feminine acting gay guy, the overweight, the conservative, the liberal, the female, the transsexual, the old, etc. etc.  Everyone.  All people. All creatures.

I pray that we might each have our own epiphany moments – times when we clearly see ourselves as human and as imperfect as the next.  We all require growth and regular heart check-ups to measure our own hidden prejudices.  As we see them, we must confess them and bring our prejudices into the light of day.  Others should know of our struggles to eliminate such thoughts from our minds.  In the clean and open air, we can be washed of the dirt in our own attitudes.  Let us, in the silent hours of self-examination, see that we too are bigots in our own way, no better than any white sheeted Ku Klux Klan member.  May we have our own moment of profound revelation…

© Doug Slagle, Pastor at the Gathering, All Rights Reserved

An anonymous writer once said that when true lovers kiss, they are focused on nothing else.   The other becomes the whole universe, time and place are lost.  The moment lingers into eternity.  There is just the kiss, lingering, passionate and overwhelming.

Who among us has not experienced or desired such a kiss or felt such an emotion?  We can literally feel in those times, the hormones coursing through our veins, our sight is blurry, our pulse quickens, the hairs on our arms and backs of our necks stand up and every touch is electric.  Our lover has no equal in our mind.  He or she is the focus of our desire, need and dependence.  Most of our thoughts turn his or her way.  We become obsessed and convinced we have found the true one for all eternity.

The power of these emotions are burned into our minds and hearts.  We call these feelings “love” and convince ourselves it is not only genuine but ours to hold onto and tightly hug forever.  There are few faults in the other – so we tell ourselves.  And our lover often says the same thing to us.  We have happened across perfection – two souls destined to be together since the beginning of time.

Is this love?  Is it lust?  Are these the feelings we often associate with a honeymoon phase of a relationship?  Is this the kind of love we find rational and enduring – or is it based mostly on feeling and emotion?

In the short story we will consider this week, Raymond Carver’s “What We Talk About When We Talk About Love”, we are confronted with a view of contemporary life where love is not easily defined.  Indeed, the characters in the story are at a loss about the subject – they struggle to understand just what constitutes this elusive emotion we all talk about but often cannot define.

As we read in the story, is love like the possessive, destructive and ultimately lethal form of passion shown by the unseen character Ed, Teri’s ex-husband?  He was jealous; he beat her; he threatened to kill her if she spurned his alleged love; finally he killed himself since he could not have her.  Despite all of this dysfunction on his part, Teri insists Ed loved her.  It was genuine love she repeats to her unconvinced friends.  Indeed, she seems to appreciate that form of love over the stale love she has with her current husband.  For our sakes, can obsession really be love?

Or is love more like that between Mel, the character who talks the most about it, and his second wife Teri?  These two, who have had previous spouses and other lovers, have settled into an uncomfortable five year relationship – engaging in the petty sniping and open hostility at the small faults of the other.  Their words of affection for each other are forced and unconvincing.  They annoy the other far more than they charm.  And yet they profess their love.

Does the narrator Nick love his new wife Laura, whom he describes as his best friend?  She is easy to get along with, he reports.  They touch and hold hands and speak with gentleness to the other.  They might still be in the honeymoon phase of marriage but there seems to be a lack of depth or crackling passion between them.

Or is true love that which is between the old couple described in the story?  Severely injured in a car crash and confined to hospital beds with bodies swathed in bandages, we hear about the old man who tears up and cries because he is unable to see his wife – even as she lies in a bed next to his.  Mel, Teri, Nick and Laura are entranced by this story even though they are mystified by it.  In a culture that professes love for celebrities, cars, brands of detergent and other people who come and go from our lives as quickly as we can change our relationship status on our facebook pages, what do we say about two seniors saddened and depressed because they can no longer see the other?  Is that the kind of love we deeply desire – the kind of love felt when we first say we have found it and hope to hold onto forever?

And yet, as the character Mel asks, is love ever permanent?  Each of the four characters had previous spouses.  He contemplates the love he once had for his ex-wife Marjorie whom he now hates with a passion – so much so that he fantasizes about filling her house with bees so she can be stung and have a lethal, allergic reaction.   He would first make sure his children were out of the house – reflecting for a moment the kind of unconditional love most parents have for their children.  What happened to Mel’s love for his ex?  Where did it go?  We might also ask what happened to the love Mel once had for Teri, his current wife?  He professes it is still there but what turned it into a jaded and tense relationship?  Will that happen to Nick and Laura and their love?  For those who lose a lover to death and then find another, did that love also die?  How can we have eternal love if most of us would seek another lover when our current one dies or if we break up?  Mel asks all of these questions to his friends.  Both they and we squirm uncomfortably.

According to the Buddha, just as our love has a beginning, eventually it will also have an end.  We should rejoice while we have it and understand that love, along with everything else in life, is impermanent.

In so many ways, this speaks to what we read about in Carver’s short story.  The characters begin their conversation about love in a sunlight infused room – toasting each other over shots of gin in a moment of happy togetherness.  As they discuss the topic of love and begin to recognize its elusive qualities, its ability to come and go, love’s dark sides of obsession, hate and even its end when lovers are pulled apart by tragedy, the light drains from the room and from the characters themselves.  The entire scene changes.  At the end of the story, as Carver writes, they sit in the dark, confused and bewildered, hearing their separate heart beats but lacking any real connection.

While I am the last of people to offer advice on love, I find in Carver’s story profound truths about the nature of love and life.  Just as we discussed last week our need to let go of past regrets and hurts, the same holds true regarding our perspective on love.  It is said that human nature craves security, predictability and permanence.  We are averse to change even as much as many of us, in this congregation, claim we are progressives.  We yearn bygone moments in the past – the comfort of the known versus the risk of the unknown.  In love, we often want much the same.  We hold onto notions that love should be wild and passionate and ever constant in our lives.  True lovers never hurt each other.  They never change.  They never are indifferent or bored or forgetful.  Great dreams of “happily ever after” linger in our minds and we expect it to come true.

What we come to realize, like the characters in Carver’s story, is that love is not like that.  While modern lovers seem willing to jump from one relationship to another, even those who enjoy long term relationships experience the pain of love and loss.  We grasp at love like our youth obsessed culture grasps at staying young – we refuse to accept that it changes.  The Buddha even likened our craving for permanence in love to being in a sinking boat and trying to hold onto the water.  Love hurts.  Love changes.  Love will end.

As soon as we recognize and accept this however, the better able we are to understand the spiritual implications of real love.  The irony of finding happiness in our love lives is to let it go.  We must set our lovers and our expectations of them free.  Indeed, we must even let go of being in love.  We must let go of our unrealistic demands – that the excitement and lust and intensity of love will be ours forever.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh, the wife of the famous aviator, once said that, “the only real security with love is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not even in hoping. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was, nor forward to what it might be, but living in the present and accepting it as it is now.” Adding to that idea, Eckhart Tolle, an author of books on spirituality, writes, “the moment we see how fleeting everything is – and don’t resist it – something in us feels spacious and peaceful.” Whether intentional or not, Tolle echoes Jesus who said that, “Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it.”

Much like letting go of past hurts, regrets, mistakes or guilt, we must let go of past dreams and expectations for love.  By doing so, we find the happiness and joy we seek.

Sadly, this epiphany is not available to the characters in our story.  They seem paralyzed and in the dark about how to define real love and then how to find it.  Even in their discussions, they are mostly unable or unwilling to self-examine what they are doing – failing to fully appreciate the love they share at that moment.  That kind of love exults in the present and is content.  The Islamic mystic Rumi wrote hundreds of years ago to his lover – sometimes assumed to be another man, “Come on sweetheart, let us adore one another, before there is no more you and me.” The only real love Rumi and his sweetheart can experience is in adoring each other now.  Too often we obsess about what we once had and what we hope to have in the future.  In doing so, we ignore the love we actually have, right in front of our faces.

As I said earlier, whatever I have to say on the subject of love does not come from my own expertise in finding the kind that many of you experience or have known – the kind that endures over decades and not years.  I am one like each of you – seeking and groping for truths about love and life that will enable happiness, meaning and fulfillment.   I want to live and thrive.  I want to love and be loved.  I want to serve and find meaning in helping to change the world for the better.  I want to be around friends and people who are not afraid to change for the better.  It would be too easy today to simply expound on the great ideals of love.  We all know what they are.  Constancy.  Passion.  Respect.   Service.

But those are expectations and dreams.  What kind of love do you have in your life right now?  Accept it and be thankful for it.  I do not support embracing destructive love like the kind described in the story between the unseen Ed and Teri – the kind that is emotionally or physically abusive or overly possessive.  I talk about accepting the kind of love many of us find in life – it is gentle, easy, we are not swinging from the chandeliers in all forms of ecstasy, we even argue and negotiate.  That love is a long way from our honeymoon time – and a long way perhaps from what we expected.  Even in singleness, we often find that our hopes for love keep us trapped in craving and expectation for what we lack.  Such thinking can lead to bitterness and depression –  which is ironically much like that experienced by those who are not single but whose past expectations for love have changed.

Instead, we can realize there is abundant love all around us – it is here for our taking.  I cannot love Ed 9000 miles away in the same way I can when we are together.  But I can love friends and family – all of you – who are here, who are in my present.  I can love Ed differently, but also in the present, over the phone and by e-mail.  In doing so, I find I am content and happy.  I have to let go of what I want and find contentment in what I have.  Even now, even here, I am richly filled with love all around me.  I daresay that is true for every person in this room.  In this moment of time, in this little place in a corner of our universe, there is love happening between spouses, partners, new lovers, old lovers, friends and family.  Look around you.  To the one next to you, to the one across the room, love is not yesterday nor is it tomorrow.  Let all of that go.  Love is right now.

“Life Choices”

© Doug Slagle, Pastor at the Gathering, All Rights Reserved

Because of some sensitive content in this message, it is available to congregation members only.  Please e-mail thegatheringcincinnati@gmail.com if you would like a copy sent to you.