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Message 84, “The Gathering Goes to the Movies: ‘War Horse’ – Spiritual Lessons from Animals”, 2-5-12

© Doug Slagle, Pastor at the Gathering, All Rights Reserved

Watch the official movie trailer here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7lf9HgFAwQ

Click here to listen to this Sunday message or see below to read:

 

Before he wrote the children’s book War Horse back in 1982, Michael Morpurgo found his inspiration to tell a story about the horrors of war through the eyes of a horse.  He had known a young boy of about twelve who was essentially mute.  The boy stammered terribly and thus refused to speak – so debilitating was his shame and fear at the reaction of others.  The boy became withdrawn and isolated and others were asked not to directly address him because that put him on the spot to respond.

One day, during a school trip to a farm, Morpurgo found the young boy standing in the barn gently talking to a horse named Heebee.  With convoluted speech and strangled words, the boy pressed on by soothing and befriending the animal.  What amazed Morpurgo was the response of the horse.  With its ears pricked up and attentively listening, the horse moved to the boy and stood quietly by – wanting to listen and knowing that patient listening was important.  The horse knew, as Morpurgo knew, that the boy wanted to talk and that he was reaching out to connect with another creature.  The boy found instant acceptance, love and open tolerance of his handicap not from fellow humans – but from a horse.

Morpurgo says that an intimacy developed between boy and horse over the coming weeks and months.  The boy spoke his struggled words and the horse understood, reached out and loved unconditionally.  The boy’s stammering got better as he was literally cured not by human connection but by that of an animal friend.  From this inspiration, Morpurgo knew he could frame an entire novel around the insights and experiences of a horse caught in the tumult of war.

He wrote his children’s story War Horse which went on to become a highly popular stage production and, just recently, an epic movie directed and produced by Steven Spielberg.

Like many of Spielberg’s other movies, War Horse is not without its seemingly contrived tugs at emotion and tears.  But, like many great movies, this one is inspirational because it calls us to be our better selves in ways that are beautiful and touching.  Unlike most movies, though, War Horse teaches us about selfless love, loyalty, courage and decency NOT through human actions, but through those of animals.  It is a movie that takes many of the ideals we talk about in here and embodies them in the life of a horse – by whom we are deeply moved to change and grow.

And that is precisely why I continue to annually take the month of February – Academy Awards month – to look at some great recent movies to find spiritual truths from which we can learn.  Movies are simply modern versions of myths, fables and parables.  Jesus almost always used a parable to teach a lesson – knowing that by casting a wondrous story with creative characters and events, an idea is better remembered and taken to heart.   And so, over the coming weeks, we’ll look at War Horse, The Artist – a pioneering silent movie about love, and Red Tails – a George Lucas film (of Star Wars fame) about World War Two African-American fighter pilots.

For today, though, my hope is to follow in Steven Spielberg’s footsteps and explore how animals often teach us more about ethics of gentleness, forgiveness, love, and loyalty than any human.

It is a part of our human nature to consider ourselves greater than we really are.  We read our own press, so to speak, and grandiosely think of ourselves as individuals, nations and even as a species to be superior to others.  Towards animals, humans err in believing they are greater.  With intellect and brain power considered more evolved, we believe we better understand life, truth and ethics more than other creatures whom we assume rely on simple, hard wired instinct.  We devalue the highly developed senses in animals that offer them a form of insight and intelligence humans do not comprehend.  Indeed, it was Mark Twain who once said, “I have studied the traits and dispositions of animals and contrasted them with the traits and dispositions of humans.  I find the results humiliating to me.”  The movie War Horse gently tell us that humans are, in reality, not as spiritually evolved as many animals.

In this regard, War Horse is a  worthy movie to consider.   Joey, a horse, is the main character of the film.  He understands the world and human nature with knowing insight.  He intuitively knows who his friends are – those who are caring, decent and non-exploitave.   Any pet owner knows this to be true of many animals.  Dogs, cats and other creatures immediately sense those who are not just loving towards them but those who are loving in general.

Joey sees the folly of humans in their warfare, to which he is forcibly conscripted, but he does not act belligerently or with anger against his situation.  Rather, through his quiet strength and courage, he shows another way.  He, and other horses, are mistreated and used as disposable cogs in the war effort.  But Joey persists, endures and exemplifies the kind of gentle strength under control that I spoke about in my last message series.

Joey develops a close friendship with another horse – Topthorn – which some reviewers believe is a nod to same sex romantic relationships.  It is clear that Joey and Topthorn, both males, care deeply for one another.  From this relationship, we see Joey’s loyalty, love and concern for another being.  He also shows this loyalty to his many human masters and, in particular, to the boy who raised him.  Even as he and other horses are brutally employed as beasts of burden – hauling huge artillery pieces to the front – Joey stoically perseveres, pulls more than his share to help other horses and still does not become hardened toward his human masters.  It is an often overlooked side note of war statistics that over 8 million horses were killed in World War One – the last great war in which they were used in quantity.

In the climactic scene of the movie, Joey amazes and touches hundreds of soldiers who watch him charge across a no-man’s land of barbed wire and trenches while gunfire and bombs explode around him.  He finally gets helplessly ensnared in multiple strands of barbed wire.  His courage and tenacity in the face of great danger embolden an English and German soldier to stop their fighting and cross into this hellish place to rescue Joey.  The gentle strength under calm control that Joey exemplifies inspires the humans he encounters and thus provides the emotional center of the story.

(As a quick aside, despite the awful situations in which Joey finds himself in the movie, no harm was done to any actor animal.  Through the art of computer animation, horses in distress are depicted digitally.  This new art form, and the movie itself, is highly praised by PETA and other animal rights organizations.   To tell a story where harm comes to animals, use of computer animation insures no actual animal is hurt for the purpose of art.)

We might explain away the spiritual behavior of Joey.  Skeptics assert that animals and horses act in ways that seem spiritual but which are really due to simple brains.  They are gentle not by choice, some say, but because of lower brain function governed by hard wired instinct, as opposed to genuine feeling and thought.  The opposite is instead likely the truth.  Animals offer us spiritual lessons we would be wise to copy.  Indeed, War Horse and its depiction of Joey is a perfect illustration of the ideas of gentleness, forgiveness and unconditional love which I have discussed in past messages.  Joey practices calm strength held in control.  He forgives in a way that maintains peace and calm.  He loves his friend Topthorn and his several human masters in ways that are sacrificial and deep.  Joey is humble despite his power and beauty.  It is to our discredit and our intellectual myopia if we assume it is unrealistic to ascribe spiritual wisdom to animals.

Michael Morpurgo and Steven Spielberg have not crafted a fable that lends anthropomorphic – human – qualities to animals.  Instead, they have created an instructive tale about animal wisdom and integrity in their own right.  Animals know.  They understand.  They sense a unifying order to all life – one of peace, humility, and unconditional love.

Many humans judge intelligence only by our own standard of thinking.  Most animals, however, think and act in different ways from our own – using their enhanced senses.  They taste, hear, smell, touch and communicate in ways far more powerful than humans.  This offers them an intelligence and insight that is different from our brain based cognitive approach – and it is often much wiser.  Joey the horse perceives danger, he intuitively knows love, he communicates loyalty, and he understands and remembers his long lost boy owner named Albert.  He possesses a spiritual grace that any pet, horse or animal human friend has often seen.   Animal intelligence and spirituality are not the same as that of humans.  They operate on another – and frequently greater – level of intuition.

Experts point to the ability of animals to be sharply attuned to their environment – something which humans can only minimally do.  Animals feel and sense seismic waves and sounds humans can detect only with highly precise machines.  Animals are attuned to the earth’s magnetic field and use it for their own navigation purposes.  Animals have highly acute senses of smell which enable them to detect fear, anger or aggression in other animals……. and in humans.  Our bodies release pheromones unique to the situation we are in – and these are smelled and understood by animals.  Finally, several experts believe animals employ a type of fuzzy logic that processes external stimuli in non-human ways.  We use linear logic to systematically analyze the external input we receive about our world.  Animals use an amalgam of of thinking processes that is not linear but which combines many senses, forms of intuition and deeply ingrained memories to think and act.

What such a level of thinking gives to animals is a spirituality that is very advanced by our standards.  There is a purpose to all of their actions which are not guided by anger, vengeance or selfishness.  Their animal logic – or fuzzy logic as humans call it – seems to understand the zero sum game of anger and retribution.  There is no purpose to it so they simply forgive and forget.  They intuitively understand that the rewards of life come only in the present and so they love and experience others without guile or manipulation.   This enables them to love unconditionally.  Further, they understand their simple needs and thus do not act in selfish ways – acquiring vast amounts of resources which they cannot consume or use.

There is a story about a cat named Oscar who was adopted by the Steere House Hospice in Providence, Rhode Island.  Unfortunately, Oscar proved to be aloof and not especially friendly – for most of the time.  After a while, though, it became clear to the doctors and nurses that while Oscar is usually aloof and distant, when a patient is near death, he jumps on the bed, purrs and softly cuddles next to the patient – offering comfort until the person passes.  His behavior is a noticeable predictor of death – often foretelling it long before doctors or nurses expect someone to pass.  Oscar is not only attuned to death but he exhibits the kind of compassion for the dying he does not regularly show.  While experts again say Oscar must smell pheromones given off by a dying patient, the doctors and nurses indicate that he also shows a type of intuition and spiritual sense that is deeply compassionate.  Oscar is attuned to his surroundings and sees as his purpose to lovingly comfort a dying person’s journey.

There is also a story of a German shepherd found abandoned with a broken leg beside a busy highway and a box of puppies near its side.   This mother dog was terribly malnourished and had scars and cuts that appeared to be from abuse.  After its rescue, the mother dog was understandably wary of human contact.  Just before it was about to be euthanized, the dog began licking the hand of a shelter volunteer in a calm and soothing manner.  The dog was adopted by this volunteer and she was soon found to be sweet and loving.   The dog would sit by the front door of her new home and watch outside the window for hours upon hours each day waiting for her new owner.  When together, the dog never left the side of the owner and slept at the foot of the bed.  Until the dog died of natural causes, it was totally devoted to its new owner.

While the actions of Oscar and the German shepherd are common in many pets and animals, it is clear these animals have profound things to teach us.  The shepherd had forgiven its past abuse and was not brutalized by her experiences.  The dog had not given up on humans.  Oscar the cat shows us unconditional love and compassion.  We learn forgiveness, faithfulness, love, resilience and patience by their actions – types of behavior we would be wise to emulate after we have been hurt or when others need our care.

We in the Gathering assert that there are many paths to understanding ultimate Truth.  Jesus is not the only way to the Divine and we often look to him as well as other prophets of history to find multiple  sources of spiritual insight.  What I found so inspiring in the movie War Horse is its assertion that animals are prophets too.  Many who love animals know this.  Native-Americans knew this.  Such thinking, as I said earlier, does not naively explain away animal behavior as instinct.  We can learn about ethics, integrity, love and selflessness from animals in the same way we do from Buddha, Jesus, Mohammad, Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr.  As the Biblical book of Job tell us, “Ask the animals, and they will teach you, or ask the birds of the air, and they will tell you. Speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish of the sea tell you. Every one of these knows that the hand of the Divine guides us…”  What the movie War Horse tells us is that animals are prophets too.

For myself, for all of us, we might heed the message of War Horse – and I recommend it as a movie to see.  As part of the larger web of creation, we are not spiritually isolated from, or superior to, other creatures.  Animals are spiritual beings with profound and beautiful values.  We should learn from them.

I wish you all peace and much joy.

Please click below to listen to Josh Spring’s message to the Gathering:

Message 83, “An Overlooked New Year’s Resolution: Laughter to Feed the Body, Mind and Soul”, 1-22-12

© Doug Slagle, Pastor at the Gathering, All Rights Reserved

 

Anybody who has been attending over the past few months will remember two very different services.  Several weeks ago we had a gas leak in our furnace which created a dilemma for me.  What should I do?  Cancel the service or continue and allow for the potential risk.  It was an anxiety moment for me and I did not rise to the occasion.  I was stressed and upset.  Many of you could tell and Wayne Butterfass even came up to me and very kindly encouraged me to just relax.  Instead of practicing gentle ways by not being anxious and instead of finding humor in the situation, I was nervous and indecisive.

In contrast to that moment, a few weeks ago, on concluding the Christmas Eve service message, I did something slightly uncommon for me.  I extended myself and was willing to look a bit silly and less serious. I put a shiny silver tinsel boa around my neck and I stuck a red bow on my nose – all to conclude a message on faith like a child.  I debated beforehand whether to do such a silly thing – especially at an important service like Christmas Eve, but I went with it and played the fool – hopefully to illustrate my message point.

My response to the gas leak was spontaneous and not the best.  My actions in the Christmas Eve service were planned.  I went for the sight gag and several folks laughed – probably because I acted in a way that I am not particularly known for, and of course, I must have looked awfully silly.

Indeed, the laughter response of those in attendance that evening highlight the reasons why most people do laugh – our brain expects one thing but then it is suddenly confronted with something different and incongruous.  We note the irony and our bodies respond by laughing.  How many Pastors act goofy at the end of a traditionally solemn Christmas message?

My lesson from both of those incidents is that I must resolve to incorporate laughter and a sense of humor in my life.  By planning to be funny some of the time, I might be more inclined to respond with humor and laughter at difficult or stressful times.  Numerous experts, from psychologists to theologians to medical doctors, all extol the virtues and benefits of laughter.  And so I include it on my list of often overlooked New Year’s resolutions – our series topic during January.

Indeed, if you have heard or read the last two messages, you might have come away a bit down or in a much too serious frame of mind.  While I do not take back the notion that being gentle or practicing forgiveness are important, I mean come on!  They are sooooo serious!  Depression, the death penalty, anger, frustration and murder are not especially light subjects – all of which were mentioned in the last two messages.  I need today’s message to remind myself – lighten up occasionally Doug!  Life does not have to be so darn serious!

And most importantly, Sunday services, faith and spirituality do not have to always be so darn serious.  They can and should be occasionally playful.  We should not make light of important issues of our time and our lives but we also need to step back, take a deep breath and ultimately laugh at the often ridiculous or silly circumstances we are in.  It was Voltaire who said that, “God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.”  What I need to remind myself is that God, or whatever power it is that controls our universe, wants me to laugh!

Take a look now at what I find is a hilarious but gentle mocking of church services – mine included – that are often way too serious, much too boring and terribly stuffy:              click here to watch video

Poking fun at religion and spirituality is quite common.  And it should be!  Few other institutions take themselves so seriously and consider themselves so important.  But that is not what most of the great prophets of history promote.  Jesus spoke often of the need for joy in life and he set out to experience fun – attending countless raucous dinner parties in the company of prostitutes, thieves and other so-called sinners.  I think he knew they would be much more fun and much better company than all of the so-called elites and religious know-it-alls.

The Bible even quotes him as making a joke out of Peter’s name – playfully teasing him that “Peter”, in Aramaic, means “little stone” or “pebble.”  “Yo, Peter!” Jesus said, “You’re a BIG dude, man, a BIG little rock upon which my spirituality will be built!”  (I’m paraphrasing of course!)  It’s interesting that many Bible literalists and the Catholic Church don’t get the joke Jesus was making.  He knew Peter was full of faults.  He was rash, a bit arrogant and ultimately weak in his convictions.  So Jesus playfully teased him by saying he was going to build his ethical teachings on a rock – on Peter – which everyone knew meant “pebble.”  The irony was a good one.  Faith rests on the weak and the meek.  Jesus did not intend to literally say that Christianity would be founded by Peter and that he should be the first Pope – an idea Jesus never mentions.  He was making a joke!

My point is that spirituality of all things should be full of joy and laughter and what better way to express a sense of humor than to gently laugh at oneself?  The Dalai Lama relates that his people, the Tibetans, face many serious issues, most importantly their oppression by the Chinese.  But he remains committed to smiling, laughing and being playful.  One looks at him and smiles.

The Koran says that “Blessed is he who makes his companions laugh.”  Kahlil Gibran, the Islamic mystic, wrote that, “It is my fervent hope that my whole life on this earth will ever be tears and laughter.  Tears that purify my heart and laughter that brings me closer to my fellow people; tears with which I join the broken-hearted and laughter that symbolizes joy over my very existence.”  And a Yiddish proverb states that, “What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.”  All the things that ail us – worry, anxiety, hatred, anger and fear are cleansed – wiped away – by laughter!

We need to laugh at the sometimes pompous and self-important rituals of faith – much like in the video clip we just saw.  I imagine if I could sit out where you do – I would sometimes laugh at myself – not in self-indulgent embarrassment, but at how serious I can take myself.  Or, as Mr. Bean does in the video, I’d fall asleep.  I like to tell friends, who ask about listening to me online, that the Gathering ought to make some added money by selling my recorded messages as the perfect cure for insomnia!

Here are a few cartoons about religion that I find very funny.  Some of them you will have to think about just a bit…  (Click on cartoon to slightly enlarge, scroll down through cartoons to resume message)

 

 

 

 

 

Chuckling to ourselves or laughing out loud are cathartic and immensely helpful to our spiritual souls.  By smiling, experiencing moments of happiness and taking life less seriously, we find real joy.  Such moments cause us to draw closer to one another and, instead of diminishing the importance of a spiritual subject, laughter comes by thinking about and understanding subtle ironies – like how Christians worship a dead body much like bugs would worship a squashed one!   That helps us tap into spirituality and how it affects the world.  Is it blasphemy to humorously think of God watching us on some divine super computer, or Jesus having his bottom exposed – pointing out his need for sunscreen, or two Buddhist monks praising the ironic idea of being thoughtless?  Some people believe religious subjects are off-limits and, indeed, I believe there are some things that are not funny.  Negative humor demeans and debases.  It humiliates and is cruel.  Racist, sexist or homophobic jokes are examples.  Who among us could not have aspects of their heritage, appearance or sexuality made fun of?  Such things are off base.

But if God, Jesus, Buddha or any other religious figure are not big enough to be mildly teased, then I suggest they are not all powerful.  I fully believe that if Jesus were alive today and had seen an actual Coppertone sunscreen commercial, he would laugh at the cartoon of him needing the same.  As Paul Rudnick, a contemporary comedian notes, “There is only one blasphemy and that is the refusal to experience joy.”

And that ought to hold true for us.  If I possess any confidence in who I am as a person, I can withstand gentle and mild teasing.  Indeed, I ought to be the first to laugh at myself.  The actress Shirley McClaine once said, “The person who knows how to laugh at himself or herself will never cease to be amused!”

Laughter also is a proven benefit for our minds and our bodies.  This has been known throughout history.  Plato and Socrates knew of its benefits.  Laughter and tickling were used as a form of anesthesia during surgical procedures in the Middle Ages.  Court jesters were used after large banquets because laughter was seen as helping digestion.  Jesters were used to help Kings and Queen recover from an illness and it was Sigmund Freud who proposed that laughter relieves the mind of anxiety.  Indeed, it’s been scientifically shown that an amusing stimulus to the brain causes the pituitary gland to release certain hormones that create endorphins in our bloodstream.  Those are the natural body chemicals that make us feel good – after we exercise, engage in sex or laugh.

Psychologically, laughter reduces tension.  It helps us be more empathetic toward others – we relate to people better if we see the human side of them.  Laughter eliminates anger as it encourages forgiveness and a calm approach to problem solving.  According to a recent article in Psychology Today, couples should not just to find laughter from outside sources like TV or the movies, but from playful and gentle humor understood just between the two.  Those partners who are able to laugh at silly things between them or playfully tease one another, are said to be happier and more stable.    While some find relentless tickling painful, the article suggests that mild forms of it are healthy in a relationship.  Tickling that causes laughter is intimate, it brings the two closer and it helps diffuse disagreements.  Indeed, the article says that in the middle of an argument it is sometimes helpful to say something funny or to begin tickling the other.  Such actions indicate that the disagreement is not that serious and it enables calmer and more reasoned discussion later.

Physically, laughter is known to have immense benefits.  Laughter lowers blood pressure, it reduces heart disease by reducing stress – something that has been proven harmful to the epithelial lining of veins and arteries.  Laughter boosts our immune system by increasing the T-cell count and it increases the production of cancer fighting lymphocytes.  It also strengthens our brains and improves our memories by engaging both sides of the brain – one of the few things that does this.  We use our left brain to analyze a joke or funny situation.  We use our right brain to actually get the joke and then laugh.  Such engagement of both sides of the brain improves short and long term memory.

And so, my friends, as I end this January message series on overlooked New Year’s resolutions, I hope to have stimulated some thought about taking a chance and extending ourselves in new and better ways.  Life is never easy.  It is often framed with heart ache and pain, but we do possess the secrets to joy.  We have within us that power I mentioned two weeks ago, to create pain or stimulate happiness – in ourselves and in others.  If, as I believe, heaven is here and now and it is what we make it to be, then this is our chance, our one opportunity to have an impact and do good.  It is our time to speak gentle words and experience a peaceful presence.  It is up to us to let go of that which hurts and destroys and grab a hold of kindness, empathy and forgiveness.  Of equal importance, as serious as life can be, we should NOT make it more so.  We must laugh out loud, tell jokes, and be playful.  And we must learn to laugh at ourselves.  We are often quite ridiculous, but lovable people.

I conclude with the words of two men – one a comic genius and the other a much too serious Pastor.  Woody Allen, the comic genius, said, “I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.”  And I, the much too serious Pastor, says to you and to me, take a chance, laugh and be a fool for a moment.  You just might be the wisest one in the room!

 

Peace and much joy I wish for all of you…

 

 

 

Message 82, “An Overlooked New Year’s Resolution: The Power of Forgiveness”, 1-15-12

© Doug Slagle, Pastor at the Gathering, UCC.  All Rights Reserved.

Click here to listen to message or read it below:

On November 4, 1977, Elmo Patrick Sonnier and his brother Eddie came across two young lovers, David LeBlanc and Loretta Ann Bourque, who were in a parked car on an isolated road.  After pretending to be police officers and accusing the young lovers of trespassing, the Sonnier brothers abducted David and Loretta and drove them to an abandoned oil field.  David was handcuffed to a tree while one or both of the brothers took turns raping Loretta.  While pleading for their lives, the young couple were led to a ditch, forced to lie face down, and then shot in their heads.

Patrick and his brother were convicted of murder and sentenced to die in Louisiana’s electric chair.  Eddie’s sentence was later commuted to life in prison.  Patrick Sonnier, however, was executed by Louisiana in April of 1984.  His spiritual advisor was Sister Helen Prejean who became a vehement anti-death penalty advocate and who wrote the famous book, Dead Man Walking.

In the hours before his execution, Patrick Sonnier remained defiant and belligerent. He had heard that Loretta’s father expressed the desire to pull the execution switch himself.  Sister Helen implored Sonnier not to allow his last words in the execution chamber be ones of anger and bitterness.  She told him that only by accepting his crimes and seeking reconciliation with his victims could he redeem his life and ultimately rise above his notorious actions.

Just minutes before he was executed, strapped into the electric chair nicknamed “Gruesome Gertie”, Patrick Sonnier turned to the fathers of the two victims and said, “I can understand the way you feel. I have no hatred in my heart. As I leave this world, I ask God to forgive me for what I did. I also ask your forgiveness for what I did.”

Lloyd LeBlanc, the father of David, nodded his agreement to Patrick Sonnier and several years later joined with Sister Helen Prejean in forming the advocacy group, “Parents of Murdered Children Against the Death Penalty”.  This group works to abolish the death penalty primarily on the grounds that killing criminals does not bring closure to victim’s families.  Instead, it brutalizes and reduces them by stoking feelings of hatred and revenge.  Additionally, the death penalty diminishes our justice system by perpetrating additional violence.  Indeed, as Lloyd LeBlanc and Sister Prejean have noted, executing another human being for murder is itself a form of murder.  Neither victims nor society find the peace they seek.

While I have no desire to engage in a discussion of the death penalty today, my purpose in sharing this story is to illustrate the spiritual implications of forgiveness.  Such a story shakes me to the core when I read of parents and families who find the ability to forgive brutal murderers of their precious children.  I cannot imagine the strength of character such an action must take.

Indeed, I often struggle with forgiving much smaller slights against me.  Inside, I can quietly rage at the pain I have suffered and I will too often desire to return the hurt.  I reduce myself, my values and my ethics simply by thinking angry thoughts.  Even more, I hold onto these feelings and nourish them by reliving the hurtful experience.  I plant a garden of weeds and thorns in my soul.  The only person harmed, in reality, is me.  I wallow in the depths of this dark garden as I am prevented from being the person of love and charity that I wish to be.

As we engage this month in a look at overlooked New Year’s resolutions, I believe that cultivating a forgiving attitude is essential for creating a more peaceful world.  It is not only a resolution we ought to consider, I believe it is one we should adopt.

We are exposed throughout our lives to a continuous series of insults, slights, and hurts inflicted upon us by others.  Whether by intention or simple indifference to doing the right thing, we get hurt a lot.  The most damaging insults we suffer often come from those who love us the most – our parents, children and partners.  But we are also routinely treated poorly by store clerks, co-workers, other drivers and total strangers.  We might rage for a minute or so at small insults but then we often move on.  Even so, for a moment or two of anger, we are not our true selves.  We are petty, fuming, immature actors who forget all of the spiritual truths we know – to turn the other cheek, find empathy for the perpetrator, and maintain peace in our hearts and minds.

For the sake of our families, our work places, our communities and, indeed, our very souls, finding ways to practice genuine forgiveness are essential, I believe, to our work in helping build a better world.  Forgiving daily petty hurts is important.  Of greater importance are the people we must forgive for much deeper hurts.  Those are the hurts that fester inside and grow like cancers – destroying the joy and peace we really seek.

And as quickly as I utter such words, I understand the profound reasons why forgiveness is so difficult to practice or define.  If one says, “I forgive you”, what does that mean?  Is it genuine in the sense that a victim no longer feels the sting of hurt?  Is it absolution and a wiping away of the injury – as if it never took place?  How do we forgive, for instance, the slave traders of the eighteenth century, Adolf Eichman of Nazi Germany who methodically planned the killing of millions, the many child abusers who take advantage of youthful innocence, or – more recently – Osama bin Laden for his role in murdering thousands?  Should victims simply say, “Oh, that’s OK.  No big deal.  We forgive you”?

Many people in this room have been traumatically hurt by people in their past.  Such wrongdoers may have never acknowledged their sins and may now be deceased or nowhere to be found.  How does one forgive someone who has never expressed remorse?

Indeed, there are some psychologists who argue that holding onto and venting anger toward those who have hurt us is therapeutic and necessary. Child abuse and rape victims, some experts say, benefit from feelings of rage in order to bring them to the surface and thus remove their shame and guilt.  The Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, even recently stated that in our contemporary world of crime, genocide and terrorism – it may be dangerous to forgive too quickly.  We lose the protective indignation we need in order to prevent future crimes.  The greater good of protecting society, Rowan says – by holding onto anger and vengeance – is better than offering forgiveness that might open the way to further hurt.

But Rowan Williams is at odds with Bishop Desmond Tutu, also of the Anglican community, and many other spiritual leaders.  Desmond Tutu said that forgiveness is not about the wrongdoer.  It is ultimately an act of self-interest.  We forgive others to benefit our lives.  In this sense, for any person, practicing forgiveness is an act of self-healing.

For me, forgiving others is essential to my personal well-being.  My spirituality focuses on improving my inner self so that I am better able to improve the world.  Hatred and anger are never cleansing.  There is no joy in them.  My soul is not uplifted, I am not inspired and nothing is improved when I return insult for insult, hate for hate.  How can I help build heaven on earth if my heart is full of bitterness?  Indeed, I see this as the major stumbling block to a better world.  People too often – myself included – stay stuck in their self-righteous anger against others.  That anger feeds an equally angry response from the other and the two sides get trapped in a downward spiral of verbal or physical violence.  Everybody ends up getting hurt.

It takes amazing strength and courage to stop this cycle.  Indeed, as one anonymous observer noted, saying you are truly sorry is the best way to have the last word.  Even more, I believe the appropriate response to someone who has hurt me is to take back control of my life, forgive and then live fully and happily.  My motivation is not to show up the perpetrator but to indicate that he or she no longer has the power to hurt me.

Experts tell us that practicing forgiveness takes time and effort.  It is not a simple task.  First, one must genuinely review what needs forgiving.  Honestly examine the facts and rigorously note areas where both sides might be at fault.  One need not condone the hurtful act and it is perfectly appropriate to call it what it is – wrong.

Second, in order to forgive, one should examine how one has reacted to the hurt.  Did I lash out in some way to try and hurt the other – ignoring or treating him or her poorly?  Is that really how I want to act?  How is my anger affecting how I think?  Does it consume my thoughts and cause me to spend wasted energy, time and sleep?  Would my life be better – would I be happier – if I was not dwelling on the hurt and consumed with anger?

As I realize the negative impact my thoughts and actions have on my life, I can then resolve to forgive the person who hurt me – and thus restore my sense of peace and happiness.  This does not mean I condone the bad actions.  It does not mean I forget them.  It does not mean that I will immediately trust the other.  That will take a lot of healing.

What it does mean is that I let go of my anger at the person who hurt me.  I must consciously choose to think non-angry thoughts about the other.  This means I stop being a victim and become the one with real power.  It is me who is now acting.  It’s me who is taking control.  It is me who sees the misdeed in its human perspective – an action frozen in time that is evil, while the person is not.  This is what some call – “hate the sin but love the sinner”.

This attitude gets at the crux of forgiveness.  It does not remove the guilt of the other party.  Instead, this attitude of loving the sinner offers empathy and understanding.  It says that I am placing myself in the shoes of other and seeking to understand why he or she acted as they did.  Empathy also seeks to understand one’s own role in what took place.  This does not excuse bad behavior but instead sees it in its full light and is the path to forgiveness.

As some of you know, I have had a few life-long issues with my father.  I am not saying anything here that I have not said to my dad.  He has said things to me that deeply hurt.  Many years ago, he said something particularly mean spirited to me and I then vowed that unless he apologized, I would cut myself off from him.  Even worse, I refused to allow my daughters to spend time with him.  About a month went by when I realized how awful I was acting.  I wrote him a letter apologizing for my behavior, asked his forgiveness and promised to visit and bring my girls.  A day later he appeared at my door and I welcomed him in.  We exchanged some small talk and did so in a way that showed we were beyond our anger.  As my dad turned to leave, he reached out, put his hand on my shoulder and said he was sorry.  And, for the first and only time in my life, he told me he loved me.

What I came to realize then, and still must remember today, is that my dad is himself a wounded man.  His father was very hard on him.  And my dad is a product of his generation – he was raised to be macho, gruff and suspicious of sensitive and quiet men – like me.  He loves me but I am not the macho son he wanted.  While such facts do not excuse some of the things he has said to me, forgiving my dad involves finding empathy for him.  Such empathy allows me to understand the human conditions that caused his harmful words.  It allows me to see that my dad is a human being, a child of the divine, subject to flaws and failures like I am too.  Most importantly, continuing to forgive my dad gives me much greater peace.

Empathy caused Sister Prejean to reach out to Patrick Sonnier.  It caused Lloyd LeBlanc to forgive the killer of his son.  We have all done things for which we are not proud – not murder or other brutal sins – but nevertheless actions which we do not want used as the ultimate definition of our lives.

It was in this fashion that Jesus forgave the woman caught in adultery as he challenged her accusers to cast a stone against her only if they too had no sin in their lives.  It was Jesus who asked his followers to forgive others in the same way as they daily prayed for forgiveness.  How could they ask something be given to them that they were not willing to grant others?  That intended lesson is for us to also ponder.  We ought to forgive as we too ask to be forgiven.

And, we cannot soothe ourselves by claiming that our small misdeeds are worthy of forgiveness while more serious ones of others are not.  Jesus taught that a hateful act is a hateful act. I may not murder with my hand but I can murder with my angry thoughts and my words.  A person might not literally commit adultery but he or she might in their hearts and minds – as Jimmy Carter once famously admitted.  There is no difference according to Jesus.  A wrongdoing is a wrongdoing.

The importance here is on empathy, understanding and acceptance of one’s own role in any misdeed.  Letting go of the anger toward a perpetrator does not excuse the wrongdoing.  Instead, it creates peace.

Mahatma Gandhi once said that, “The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”  And an unknown commentator added that, “To forgive is to set the prisoner free and then discover that the prisoner was you.”  I do not claim that with my simple words today forgiveness will be easy.  Nor do I begin to comprehend the mountain of pain that may have been inflicted on you or others.  But I do know of our common aspirations to live contented lives.  I do know that we are a people who yearn to be kind, generous, loving and gentle.  Let us focus our energies and our time in crafting a peaceful and happy existence – in ourselves, our homes, schools and workplaces.  To do so, I encourage us one and all – make a New Year’s resolution to practice forgiveness to those who hurt you – choose to banish anger toward them. You will find, I promise, understanding and love.

I wish you all much peace and even more joy.

 

 

Message 81, “An Overlooked New Year’s Resolution: Gentleness”, 1-8-12

© Doug Slagle, Pastor at the Gathering UCC, All Rights Reserved

 

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Of all the holidays we collectively celebrate over the course of a year, New Year’s Day is the only one that marks the passage of time.  As an arbitrary moment fixed by our use of a calendar system chosen long ago, we look back and remember the past year as we more importantly look forward to the next.  We are given an empty slate upon which we can create something new about ourselves and our lives.

What will 2012 bring for any of us?  Because we have no idea, we often try and assume some control over our destiny by resolving to do things that will help us be happier, healthier, wealthier or wiser.

It is said that approximately 43% of American adults make a New Year’s resolution.  While those who do are ten times more likely to succeed then those who simply hope for the best, the vast majority of resolutions – 80% – are not kept one year later.  As Mark Twain once noted, New Year’s is the accepted time to make an annual resolution.  And next week we can begin paving the way to hell with them as usual!

As true as that might be for many of us, I like the optimism of Benjamin Franklin who said, “Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better person.”

And in our effort to be a better person, the majority of Americans adopt similar New Year’ resolutions.  The most common include: spending more time with family, losing weight, quiting smoking, getting in shape, getting out of debt and getting organized.  Psychologists say that people often fail at their resolutions because most do not set realistic and attainable goals and they are too focused on the negative.  Instead of resolving to lose weight, for instance, one should set a positive goal to look better or live healthier.

Over the next few weeks, I want to examine some less common ways we might become better people – ways to be at peace with our neighbors, as Ben Franklin put it.  I’ve chosen a few that resonate with me – perhaps because I struggle with them more – but they are ways of behavior that I believe powerfully affect our own lives and our interactions with people around us.  We’ll look at the ideas of gentleness, forgiveness and laughter over the next three Sundays as possible, but uncommon, New Year’s resolutions.

For today, we will consider the concept of gentleness.  Like many human qualities, it is a difficult one to define and there are many interpretations of what being gentle might include.  Some modern definitions of gentleness imply a form of weakness and softness that insults the quality.  Indeed, to be gentle is often considered a feminine ideal which is a backhanded insult to women since the stereotype is one of weakness.    Webster’s collegiate dictionary defines gentleness as enduring injury with patience and restraint.  While this comes close, it seems to miss the mark.  Aristotle tried to define it as a mindset that is half-way between anger and indifference.  The French often translate gentleness as “douceur” – which implies sweetness, politeness and modesty.

All of these definitions are reasonably suitable but they fail to offer a holistic understanding of the characteristic.  To be gentle is to exhibit strength under control.  To be gentle, I believe, is to be calm and at peace in any situation.  A gentle person emits a soothing presence at all times – even under stress or when attacked.  He or she is rarely angry in an explosive or mean spirited manner.  Being gentle is to possess tact, humility and courtesy.  Importantly, however, gentle people know when and how to act and speak in decisive ways without causing harm or injury.  One illustration of gentleness offered by one psychologist is to compare it to a giant machine that is used to crush cars into flattened metal sheets for recycling.  This powerful machine, is so precise – so gentle – that it can also be calibrated to crush the shell of a walnut without damaging the inner meat of the nut.

While we are not machines, the illustration is helpful.  Gentle people are NOT weak or soft.  They have strength but know how to wield it in ways that have a positive impact on others and on their work.  They know how to treat others with respect.  When they speak, it is with a calm voice.  Even in times of stress, one speaks and acts peacefully.  When waiting, gentle people are patient.  When walking or moving through life, gentle people do not stomp, make loud noise or move without care for the impact made.  When assisting others, they do not get exasperated or impatient.  When interacting within partnerships or families, gentle people respect the likes and dislikes of the ones they love.  Gentle people make their own needs known calmly and without being demanding.  At work, colleagues are treated fairly and with respect – wherever they are in the workplace hierarchy.  One is never abrupt and the time of others is respected.  When a gentle person handles any object or other living creature, it is done with care.

Spiritually, gentleness is a universal quality admired in most world religions.  According to the Koran, Allah is gentle and loves gentleness in people.  “He who is deprived of gentleness is deprived of good”, it says.

Serenity, gentleness, silence and self-restraint are the hallmarks of a person at peace, according the Buddha.  Problems, the Buddha said, are not solved by hatred, anger or violent speech.  Our problems are solved, he said, by loving kindness, gentleness and joy.

And St. Francis de Sales commented that when confronted with difficulties in life, the gentle person does not try and break them, but rather bends and shapes them for the better, over time. He or she is patient and long suffering.  His ideal for gentleness was obviously that of Jesus – a man who was admired and followed by thousands but who could have commanded an armed revolt had he wanted.  Jesus regularly sought out not the power brokers of his time but people who lived on the margins – those with no influence or wealth.

Indeed, a wise modern prophet, Abigail Van Buren of Dear Abby fame, commented that a gentle person is marked by how he or she treats people who can’t do him or her any good – and by how he or she treats those who can’t fight back.  Van Buren clearly understood this idea of having power over others but using it productively, carefully and with care.

For me, that is the ultimate essence of gentleness.  It is a character trait I want more evidence of in my life.  This strength under calm control is a beautiful thing.  Such a demeanor is humble towards others without being falsely modest, it works and achieves without being forceful or impatient, it is considerate even when insulted or troubled, and it manages a crisis with calm determination instead of anxiety and fear.

And that speaks to the quality that Buddhists most encourage.  Gentleness towards others begins within ourselves.  We must first be gentle with our own flaws, failures and fears.  I was a bit down last weekend over New Year’s – despairing over some loneliness I felt.  Invoking the things I often talk about in here, I got angry myself for getting down when I have so much in my life.  While all of that is true, it took a gentle friend to remind me that many people experience blue periods and that perhaps what I needed was not anger but a reassuring hug.

The lesson I learned was not that it was healthy to remain depressed but that I needed to show as much care and concern for myself as I try to offer others.  From such inner love, I could better examine why I felt sad.  One who is gentle with oneself does not make excuses for self-failure but instead forgives, lets go and seeks ways to change.  This gentleness for the self is the perfect attitude for acting calm with others.  Indeed, those who are angry and rough with themselves are often angry and rough with others.  The Buddha implored his followers to lovingly touch their own inner hearts.  “When you do so,” he said, “you discover that your heart is vast and limitless.  You begin to discover how much gentleness there is to give away.”

And when we practice and give away gentleness, I believe there is a substantial change for the good in our world.  We begin to experience the kind of contentment and serenity that we seek.  The human impulse, many believe, is to compete and scramble for the limited resources of life – food, wealth, land and resources.  Human history shows us, however, that while we often act against our better angels and act selfishly, humanity is gradually evolving toward greater gentleness with each other.  We are evolving toward cooperation and greater peace because our rational minds tell us that selfish competition and a lack of gentleness toward others is a zero sum game.  We see this in history as lone hunter gatherers joined forces to hunt and farm together, to then form villages and eventually nations – all as ways to cooperate and benefit everyone.  We saw this as nations moved from economic systems based on feudalism and slavery towards economies with opportunity for anyone.  We have seen this worked out in history as vast segments of the population are no longer treated unfairly – racial and religious minorities, women and now gays and lesbians.  Such progress was not the result of general morality but a recognition that gentleness towards others is more effective than brute competition.  This is the moral imagination of which I often speak.  Selfish strength wins for a moment, but cooperation, compromise and gentle power is stronger and more lasting.

We find this is true for ourselves, our families and our nation.  Selfish anger, competition and hatred seems powerful.  But nobody wins in the end.  Survival of the fittest is not a winning strategy.  Humanity survives because we continue to learn that moral imagination – that mutual gentleness – works better.  How can I change for the better instead of being locked in ineffective self-recrimination?  How can you and I work together so that the best of your ideas and the best of mine combine to create something good for everyone?

Ultimately, if others share in progress and well-being, there will be fewer wars, less anger and reduced unfair competition.  How might our strength be used calmly, peacefully and cooperatively – for everyone?

One of the most gentle of contemporary world figures was Nelson Mandela.  A man who was unjustly imprisoned, beaten, tortured and humiliated for his ideals on human equality, emerged from prison with profound peace in his heart.  With the collapse of apartheid and newly elected as South Africa’s President, he commanded immense power.  Anger and retribution could have determined his actions.  Instead, through his gentle ways, he guided his nation through acts of reconciliation – establishing truth councils to understand the horrors of the past while offering forgiveness in return.  One of Mandela’s previous enemies came to say about him that one felt safe in his presence – he was so kind, warm and gentle.  Mandela was determined in his beliefs – that the races must come to terms with the sins of their past – but his actions guided South Africa through great change.  Peaceful cooperation between the races is now much more prevalent.  Such attitudes were achieved not by anger but by gentle strength.

And so strength under calm and gentle control might be an overlooked New Year resolution we ought to consider.  How might I become more gentle?  First, I must resolve to forgive myself when I make a mistake.  Admit it, forgive it and learn from it.  Second, I must resolve to remain calm and at peace when big and small troubles come my way.  Third, I must watch my speech.  I must resolve to speak gently to others – even if they hurt me, attack me or disagree with me.  Fourth, I should respect everyone I meet – from the homeless man on the street to a very wealthy acquaintance.  Nobody, no matter how powerless, should be beyond my attention, concern and time.  Fifth, I should practice moral imagination.  I must seek to cooperate and compromise with others – humbly acknowledging that the beliefs and thoughts of others have validity too.   If my politics, my spirituality and my understanding of ethics were so perfect and so right, then I ought to be immediately elected President and God all in one!  Cooperation and compromise, I firmly believe, are not dirty words.

Finally, I must move through life gently.  I must walk quietly, I must speak softly, I must listen far more than I speak, and I must carefully handle all created things and forms of life.  Ultimately, I must resolve to be a presence of peace, safety and calm.

As I make such resolutions, I should exhibit the same gentleness with myself in trying to meet them.  Setting a realistic goal is important.  I will not change overnight and I will occasionally fail.  I should examine where I fall short in being gentle and then consciously adopt strategies for change.  To intelligently counteract my failures, it will be wise for me to ask others to hold me gently accountable – to tell me when I fall short.

We each have great power within ourselves to help in life, or to do injury.  With our words and our actions, we can inflict serious hurt.  Too often, such hurt is directed at those whom we love the most.  But no matter the situation or the person, we can use that great power we have and still be in calm control – thus creating effective families and communities of peace.  Our words to others can be laced with tact and courtesy.  Our response to the insults and anger of others can diffuse the situation as we use calm voices, words and actions.  Our attitudes about life, politics, religion or other beliefs need not be discarded but they can be wisely practiced and gently shared.  Most importantly, in doing so, we can extend hands of cooperation and understanding to others with whom we disagree.  We can live out the moral imagination that exerts intelligence and ability in ways that uplifts and empowers, but never hurts.  Whatever resolutions you make this year, let one of them be to practice strength under gentle control.

 

Message 80, Christmas Eve, “A Very Dickens Holiday: Faith Like a Child”, 12-24-11

Click here to listen to message, see below to read it.

© Doug Slagle, Pastor at the Gathering UCC, All Rights Reserved

 

A well known contemporary humorist and writer, Larry Wilde, once said “Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree.  In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.”  And Erma Bombeck, a well-known funny woman in her own right, added to those sentiments by saying “There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake on Christmas morning and not be a child.”

Indeed, Christmas of all days year ‘round, is one most anticipated by children – and perhaps most dreaded by many adults!  But as we have considered this very Dickens holiday, I think we have found over the past two Sundays just why Christmas is best seen through the eyes of a child.  It ought to be a simple holiday when relationships, family and service to others are valued more than elaborate gifts, parties and decorations.  We yearn to find meaning in the day by remembering the ideals of the one whom we honor – ethics of compassion, innocence, humility and peace.  And Charles Dickens understood all of that.  In most of his novels, it is the adults who need to change and adjust their thinking for the better.  And it is the children in his stories who suffer the most but who still retain the kind of faith, love and wide-eyed wonder that gives our world hope.

Such Dickens ideals echo those of Jesus who implored adults to let little kids join him.  “Don’t hold them back,” he once said.  “The kingdom of heaven belongs to them!”  Since even Jesus claimed that heaven is something we help to create here on earth, children and their innocent ways are what make life better and more like heaven.  Even more, it is for the sake of youth and for the future of humanity that we work and serve and give.  In many ways, therefore, it is fitting that this time of year is best celebrated in the company of children – or in the company of those who act and think like children!  As Erma Bombeck said, Christmas is empty and sad if we do not reclaim the child in us all.

I remember the second Christmas of my daughter Sara.  The must-have gift for kids that year was an animated wonder toy called Teddy Ruxpin.  This large stuffed bear would talk, sing, move his mouth and blink his eyes – all in some fantastic but silly way.  Her mother and I thought at the time that Sara was old enough to receive such a gift.  So, expensive as it was, we bought it for her and made it her featured gift.  After we helped her unwrap the gift and open the box, and after I figured out how to work it, Sara stared at this 1980’s technological marvel.  It seemed to perplex her for a minute or so but, instead of delighting in this live action stuffed bear, she quickly turned her attention to the brightly colored wrapping paper and a large red bow.  She was soon playfully tossing the paper around, wrapping it around her head, playing with the ribbon, crawling inside of the box and completely ignoring the singing bear!  Simple things occupied her and delighted her far more than that expensive toy.  Pulling the box over her head and playing peek-a-boo was much more fun.  We realized we should have given her several wrapped, but empty, boxes!  Money, technology and knowledge of such things had not corrupted her yet – as they do almost everyone when they reach a certain age.  Whenever that happens, we lose something beautiful, pure and almost divine.

Contrasted with my memories of my young daughter Sara are those I have of my maternal grandfather.  When I was young, I recall Christmases with him when, after a few glasses of holiday spirits, he would become very, very silly.  He would decorate his bald head with bows, put on ugly clothing other people had received, dangle tree ornaments from his ears and mug for me and my siblings.  We thought he was crazy but absolutely hilarious.  My grandmother, who was more serious, would frown at his antics but that caused him to be even more silly – he’d stick his tongue out at her and continue on.  At Christmas, this mature, older man became a child again – and he made the day alive and fun and full of laughter.

Charles Dickens does much the same with characters in his novels.  We remember the kids in his novels – the innocent and naive David Copperfield, the conniving Artful Dodger and his humorous antics, and the pure Tiny Tim who thinks far more about the happiness of others than he does of himself.  As much as Dickens identified with children who suffered as he had, he championed their interests and he was strategic in using them to prick the consciences of his readers.  Victorian England was prone to distrust the poor – often questioning their work ethic and morality.  Prevailing thinking of the time, and sometimes even today, believed that people were personally at fault for being poor or in debt.  Thus, they were punished in debtor’s prisons and their plight was ignored.  While Dickens knew such thinking is generally false, he also knew that nobody could question the work ethic or motivations of children.  They are innocents who had absolutely nothing to do with their suffering.  Who could not sympathize with and cheer for his children characters?

Indeed, it is Tiny Tim in “A Christmas Carol” who captures our hearts and sympathies.  Despite his infirmity, he exclaims that he hopes people at church see him as physically challenged, especially at Christmas. It might be pleasant for them, he says, to see his infirmity and be reminded of the one who helps the blind see and the lame walk.  Later on it is he who prays for Scrooge and Tim is given the most remembered line in the novel – “God bless us everyone!”  This was a not a child feeling the shame of his condition or the neediness of it.  He saw himself in simple terms and with childish innocence.  He felt blessed and not cursed, he felt loved by his parents and by a Jesus with whom he sensed a common cause.  As Tiny Tim says in the novel, “It is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when its mighty founder was a child himself!”

While we do young people no good by idealizing them and turning them into saints, we all recognize the characteristics in them that we forget to practice as adults.  Such qualities enable belief in Santa, the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny and all sorts of magical ideas.  Children are less inhibited about love, play and laughter.  At some point in life, we learn too much, we become a bit too cynical and much too serious.  We lose the sense of mystery, playfulness and implicit trust that young children have.

We are most reminded of our child-like deficit at Christmas when the world is filled with lights, gifts and fun.  We are reminded to change our thinking, much like we discussed last Sunday, to find the child in us all.  Jesus tells us that to think and believe like a child is to have true faith.  When power hungry adults who followed him asked Jesus who among them was the greatest, he called a child to stand in their midst.  And then he said that whoever wants to understand the divine heart, whoever wants to experience heaven-like contentment, he or she must change and have faith and humility like that child, like any child.  When you serve and love children, he said, you have served and loved the divine.

Faith like a child is the kind that believes in magic, the kind that trusts in the implicit goodness of others, the kind that suffers when others suffer, the kind of faith that is humble and simple.  It is the kind of pure and totally trusting faith that I remember in my daughters when they were little – when they would toddle along beside me and instinctively reach up their little hands to hold mine and go anywhere with me, their sweet trust so complete in their daddy.

Such innocence can be dangerous, but as adults we push that aside too far – our instincts tell us to mistrust and doubt and look with a cynical eye at anything and anyone.  Jesus says NO to that!  Real spirituality involves hope and trust and unconditional love.  It involves letting go of the self and reaching for the hand of beauty, wonder, kindness and laughter.

Jesus follows up his encouragement to have faith like a child by saying that whoever would harm the innocence of any child, whoever who takes away the hope a child has in a secure and comfortable world, is evil and of no good.  To ignore the condition of children – much like ignoring other outcast members of society – is to ignore the heart of god.

Woven into the very fibers of our being, intrinsic to our human DNA, is a concern for others.  When we turn those impulses off and gratify only our selfish needs, we have abandoned the essential spirituality that makes us uniquely human.  In Jesus’ male dominated and paternalistic Jewish and Roman culture, children had little status.  They had the same diminished importance as women, slaves, the poor and the diseased.  For Jesus, however, love, care and concern for all marginalized people, – and especially for children – are essential to a spiritually inclined heart.

And Charles Dickens believed exactly the same.  By converting to Unitarianism from Christianity, he did not reject the teachings of Jesus.  Dickens simply believed he found a faith that really practiced them.  A Unitarian motto of the time – and one that resonates strongly with me – was “deeds, not creeds”.  And so Dickens wove into his novels the kind of Jesus ethic that focused not on religious salvation, doctrines of belief or intellectual theology, but on “hands-on” service to others – most importantly children. Indeed, when confronted with the reality of a lame and sick Tiny Tim who will die without compassionate intervention, Scrooge begins to change.  Likely suffering from rickets – a disease that can be reversed with proper diet – we see at the end of “A Christmas Carol” that Tim will live.  This is because Scrooge intervenes in his life, assists his family and begins to pay Tim’s father higher wages.  Like Jesus, Dickens implores us not just to have faith like a child, but to protect that trust and nurture it by caring for and assisting any child who suffers.

Seeing the faces of children at Christmas is, like Tiny Tim says, to be reminded of Jesus and all that he taught.  Like other great prophets of history, he pointed us to the impulses and ways of life which we instinctively know are true.  In each human heart is the seed of the divine, the spark that yearns to love, cooperate and care for others.  We were not wonderfully made to be isolated, sullen and selfish, but to bond, love, enjoy and marvel at the great beauty around us.  How can we not see in the face of any child – black, brown, dirty, crying or sick – something so wonderful?  How can we not celebrate the birth of any new life – like all of the grandchildren recently born into our Gathering family?  How can we not love this place – as I do – when kids and teens are running around, playing and laughing?  How can we not bless and be cheered by child-like goodness and love that we see in any of us – as we saw, for example, in Danny this past Sunday who so generously gave of his time to write each person a Christmas card?  As the great painter Pablo Picasso once said, “Every child is an artist.  The problem is how to remain an artist when we grow up.”

Much like Christmas honors a poor, likely illegitimate child born to a teenage mother over two-thousand years ago, we must also use this night, this holiday, to resolve to honor, serve and protect each and every child.  In each one is the divine gift of wonder and innocence.  To each child has been given trust and hope in the goodness of our world.  We must not let poverty, illness, discrimination or lack of opportunity destroy that in any child.  Like we have determined to do here at the Gathering, to serve homeless youth in our community, we must protect that child spark of life – in children, in ourselves and in our world.

When you go home tonight, when you awake in the morning – on Christmas day – let your inner child out.  See the world in new and fresh ways.  Be silly, be joyous, celebrate with abandon!  Grab the tinsel, the wrapping paper, the boxes, the ribbons and the wine and throw a party!  Let go of your serious self and reach out to family, friends and others with a trusting but humble hand –  “Here I am,” you might say, “It’s Christmas and I want to play!”

 

Message 79, “A Very Dickens Holiday: The Reason for the Season”, 12-18-11

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© Doug Slagle, Pastor at the Gathering UCC, All Rights Reserved

 

Victor Hugo, the famed writer of Les Miserables, once wrote that the great battles in history are often small and obscure.  They are the mundane battlefields of life – that of fighting poverty, isolation, depression, and abandonment.  The heroes of such battles are unknown folk who nevertheless achieve success by changing the circumstances of their lives.  They change how they think and act in ways that transform their lives and their world.

       What I have struggled with the last several Christmases is how to make sense of this holiday.  How do I celebrate what is traditionally a day that honors the supernatural conception and birth of the son of God? – Events I am not sure really happened.  Do I revert to a more secular observance or can I find some meaning and purpose in Christmas? 

Most of us experience the warm and celebratory feelings of this holiday – feelings that involve friends, family, gifts, songs and parties.  More importantly, though, I have come to see Christmas not for its religious significance but as a day to uphold and honor the essential reason for the season – as the saying goes.  I have concluded that it is not a mythological Christ figure who gives the day meaning, it is the man himself.  Jesus is the reason for the season.  And it is from him, from this person of history and the ideals he taught, that I find meaning which resonates in me and in many others.

As we seek to look at the holidays through the perspective of Charles Dickens – a person who has influenced its celebration perhaps more than any other – we find a man who also saw it as a holiday that embodies the high ideals to which we aspire all year.  Even more, Dickens saw it as a day that ought to encourage and motivate positive change.  In his life, and in that of Jesus the man, personal change was a guiding principle.  For Dickens, Christmas was about calling us to live as our better angels.

Much like honoring Martin Luther King’s birthday or that of Lincoln or even the holiday of Memorial day, on Christmas we commemorate not just a person, but the values, ethics and principles he espoused and called others to follow.  Jesus was an actual man of history, one who promoted change – in outlook, in attitude, in compassion and in life.  His breathtaking teachings were appeals to be true to the heart of the Divine – that of humility, peace and mercy.  He implored his followers to discover their inner truth – whatever that might be – and thus be set free.  No longer must one be caught in chains of past shame, guilt, depression or anger.  By examining the truth of oneself, one is able to see the pain, hurt and bitterness that hinders the kind of contentment and compassion for others that only a few people ever completely find.

Despite the humble, impoverished and likely humiliating circumstances of his birth and youth, it is obvious Jesus experienced just such a personal epiphany.  Because of his own experiences, he was able to discover the kind of mysterious grace that allowed him to see life and humanity in wondrous and revolutionary ways.  We must be meek, kind, gentle, non-violent, caring, serving, and forgiving people in order to find genuine happiness.  In doing so, we are set free to celebrate and happily embrace life.  And that was a hallmark of Jesus – a man who never missed the opportunity to party and to dine with anyone and everyone – thieves, tax cheats, prostitutes, lepers and religious snobs all the same.  He called them to the same kind of personal liberation and joy he experienced.

And the life and teachings of Jesus were just such a beacon to Charles Dickens – a man who was profoundly influenced by his ideals.  Suffering the extremes of poverty, humiliation and abandonment in his youth, Dickens later experienced an awakening.  Despite being forced, because of family debt, to work in a hellish factory pasting labels on shoe polish cans at the age of twelve, despite his own mother refusing to allow his release from such work after the debts were paid, and despite later being sent to a school for poor boys – where he was beaten, poorly fed and ignored – Dickens was able to transcend such horror and hurt and become a successful, happy man.  He become a novelist who ranks as one of the all-time greats, a philanthropist who lavishly gave away money to family, friends and charities, and a man known for enjoying a good time – one who was called the “Master of Revelry.”

And Christmas played a primary role in Dickens transformation.  As a young man, he saw the hypocrisy of traditional Christianity which was even more apparent to him around Christmas.  In the midst of holiday festivities, when he saw the wealthy of Victorian England extravagantly spend on parties and gifts, he also saw working poor families, orphans and people in debt who were ignored and left to suffer like he had.  Dickens thus quit the Episcopal Church of England and joined London’s Essex Chapel, a Unitarian congregation.  There he found not a renunciation of Christmas but an embrace of humanist values.  Unitarianism focused not on religious creeds and ways to find personal salvation, but on finding, proclaiming and practicing universal love.  This was a religion, he believed, after the true heart of Jesus – that all people are capable of personal transformation to become more caring, generous and helpful to others, and in the process to be more joyful and happy.  The essence of such spirituality is one that resonates strongly for me – that life is one long process of becoming a better person in order to go out and make the world a better place.

Christmas calls us to just such change and growth.  Much like we remember values of justice, tolerance and equality when we honor, for example, Abraham Lincoln’s birth, so too must we remember the values of forgiveness, humility and service to others when we celebrate the birth of Jesus.  We may not know its exact date, but the historical fact that he lived and died is without question – and Christmas of all days is one we can and should use to honor what he taught and how he lived.  In celebrating his ideals, we are reminded the call to confront our own demons that keep us chained to unforgiving, unloving, angry and selfish attitudes.  Christmas, as a day to remember Jesus, called Dickens to just such inward change.  He was a man who could have remained trapped in the hurt and anger of his own horrible youth.  He did not.  And Christmas calls us to similar transformation – whatever the chains that imprison us.

I know of my own feelings of being alone, unloved and hurt – sentiments which come from my past.  And

they influence my actions today and how I approach life.  I have empathy for those who hurt and those who are marginalized – because I have felt the same – but I also find a certain inability to fully love myself and thus fully love someone else.  The power and mystery of Christmas, the ideals of Jesus, continue to call me to love openly and lavishly – and to do so I must let go of past hurts, shame and lack of love for myself.

Charles Dickens found the change inherent in Jesus’ life and teachings as instructive for his own life.  And he used those ideals to write perhaps his most famous novel – that which we know so well as “A Christmas Carol.”  The story has come to embody holiday feelings and celebrations but it is ultimately a story of personal transformation – just like that of Jesus, Dickens and others who confront inner ghosts.

Ebeneezer Scrooge does NOT have a religious experience where he meets and is changed by a supernatural Christ.  There are no Christian symbols of eternal salvation or redemption in the story.  Instead, Scrooge changes by himself – by remembering and confronting his past pain, his present angry attitudes and his potential future of a lonely and forgotten death.  Through his journey of self-discovery, he comes to understand himself – how his lonely and painful youth turned him into a bitter and selfish man.  He sees how people all around him, throughout his life, still reached out to him with love and forgiving hearts, but his anger turned them away.  And he recognizes the hurt he thus causes others around him and most of all, the hurt he inflicts upon himself by remaining an unhappy and isolated man.

What Scrooge undergoes is a Unitarian form of salvation – a truly spiritual one in which I firmly believe.  Change for the better and growth in oneself comes not from some outside god or goddess.  It comes from within.  It comes from our own hearts and minds pricked by the need to throw off chains of fear, sadness, selfishness, anger or loneliness.  It comes by then cognitively altering the way we think about past hurts, ourselves, and life.  Why should I continue to feel unloved when I am surrounded by a sea of loving and caring people?  Why must I hold onto past hurts when, by forgiving others, I can free my mind to think of present blessings?  Why should I be angry when life is so much more fulfilling by being kind and content?  Might I then experience true happiness?  Might I then be capable of being more giving, more loving and more caring – and thus better able to help build a better world?

Because of Jesus, the life he led and his appeals to change and grow, we celebrate his birth on Christmas – whenever that really occurred.  And that holiday thus should represent for all of us the power and mystery of personal transformation.  Like Jesus, like Dickens, like Ebeneezer Scrooge, we are each capable of continual self-discovery, healing and resulting happiness.

I read recently an interview of Lisa Beamer, the wife of Todd Beamer who was killed on 9 – 11 when he and others worked to thwart one of the hijacked planes.  He is the one of “Let’s Roll” fame.  In this interview, she was asked how she has managed over all these years to cope with being a single mother, especially at Christmas.  How has she managed to stay positive, happy and content despite the brutal death of her husband?

Lisa responded by saying how she learned from her husband’s death to capture and cherish each and every moment in life.  Out of her initial devastation and fears for the future of her family, she remembered how on the morning Todd left for his flight to California, they got up early and spent time talking and sharing over breakfast.  It was a simple but happy marital time together.  And then Todd got their kids up to say goodbye and proceeded to playfully wrestle and twirl them through the air as he often did – causing laughter and pleas for more.  She remembered those moments frozen in time and she remembered the joy of them and the contentment they brought.  She told herself how that is how she must live – to capture each day’s small moments of pleasure – time with a friend, seeing a wondrous sunset, eating a great meal – and then remember to give thanks for them.  We never know when we might die, she said.  But if we purposefully capture such moments of joy, embrace them, and live fully in them, we will never be sad.  At the end of our lives, we do not regret what we have done, she says, we regret instead what we should have done.  Her goal is to have no such regrets.

Such a story embodies what I hope to convey in this message. It embodies a personal decision to change how we think.  It embodies a decision to live in the present, to live joyfully and to share that with others.   None of us are without past or present pain and struggle in our lives.  But Christmas tells us we can be free of that.  We need not be chained to our past or present – like some modern day Scrooge.

There is an old native-American story about a chief who tells his grandson about the battle that goes on inside each person.  It is like two wolves, the chief said, that fight inside us all. One wolf is evil.  It represents anger, envy, arrogance, greed, sorrow, self-pity, lies, guilt, ego and resentment.  The other wolf is good.  It represents peace, joy, love, hope, serenity, compassion, empathy, generosity, truth and charity.

The grandson thought about all of this for a moment and then asked his grandfather, “Which one wins?”

The chief replied, simply, “The one you feed.”

The reason for this season is, indeed, Jesus.  It is that poor child born in a sad and stinking barn.  Jesus taught that we need not be held captive by the ghosts or demons or wolves of our past.  Christmas can be the birth in you and in me of new ways of thinking and acting.  In the coming holiday nights, when angels near and far sing aloud with joy, while friends and family lovingly stand watch, I pray we find that Jesus child in the cradle of our souls, the one who calls us to change and then embody peace on earth, and goodwill to all………..I wish you all a very happy, and trans-formative, Christmas.

Message 78, “A Very Dickens Holiday: Light in the Midst of Darkness”, 12-10-11

To Listen to the Message, click here.  To read, see below.

© Doug Slagle, Pastor at the Gathering, UCC, All Rights Reserved

 

 

One of literature’s most famous fictional characters, Charles Dickens’ Ebeneezer Scrooge, says near the beginning of the novel “A Christmas Carol”, “Out with merry Christmas! What’s Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer… If I could work my will, every idiot who goes about with ‘Merry Christmas’ upon his lips should be boiled in his own pudding, and then buried with a stake of holly through his heart.”

          While many credit Dickens with inspiring modern December holiday celebrations from his “Christmas Carol” work, that of decorations, parties and abundant gifts, this was hardly his goal.  Indeed, while Scrooge is an exaggerated character in his cynical, bitter and greedy attitudes, Dickens used him to reflect the prevailing cultural norms in nineteenth century England.  The worship of wealth, relentless work, disdain for the poor and insensitivity toward the weakest members of society were all hallmarks.  Today, perhaps instead of heeding the lessons of “A Christmas Carol”, our culture’s holiday season is marked in a similar manner – more by what we do (buying, cooking, partying, drinking) than by what we think; more about the ups and downs of business sales and frenetic activity than by silence, peaceful reflection and relationship building.

Dickens railed against many English cultural attitudes in most of his novels.  His concern for the poor and the ill treatment of working class people was a constant theme.  Much of it sprang from experiences of his own youth when Dickens was sent to an English work house to help pay off his father’s debts.

Two thousand years earlier, the few remaining Jews in Jerusalem fought a similar battle against a dominant culture of profligacy, greed and insensitivity.  Successors to Alexander the Great’s empire controlled Israel and much of the known world.  People were dominated with the sword as entire nations were swallowed up and ruthlessly eliminated.  The Jewish temple in Jerusalem, one of the seven wonders of the ancient world, was turned into a place to honor a human Emperor – and not a Divine presence.  Pigs were slaughtered within it – all as a calculated affront to the Jewish people.  Trade and commercialization were the focus – what could this Greek empire take from conquered nations?

From that dark time came the Jewish Macabbean revolt and an eventual retaking of the Temple.  And the so-called miracle of Hanukkah happened.  It was a minor miracle in the large scheme of miracles but one that still resonates today.  In the darkness of the Temple, facing a hopeless task of relighting the religious lamps until enough consecrated oil could be made, the lamps were lit anyway.  Hope and promise won out over despair.  And the lamps miraculously remained burning for eight long days – thus the modern eight day celebration of Hanukkah.

But just as Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol” was a cry in the darkness of England’s soul – a plea to recapture the essence of the holiday, that of peace, celebration, goodwill and charity, so too was the original lighting of Jewish Temple lamps.  Into the bleak night of a culture deadened by oppression and cruelty, a light of defiance was lit.   Those ancient Jews would echo an old Chinese proverb that says, “It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.”       

Dickens did the same by employing symbols of light and darkness to illustrate his central theme in “A Christmas Carol.”  That theme is best stated by Scrooge’s dead partner Marley – life is not about the business of making money and reducing humanity to a mere economic commodity.  Instead, life is about making the the well-being of humanity our chief business.

From that theme,  Dickens used images of darkness to symbolize an insensitive culture – the cold and dark offices of Scrooge, the use of ghosts, the grey and foreboding boarding school to which young Scrooge is confined, the run down cemetery to which a frightened Scrooge is led at night to be shown his own forgotten and moldy grave, the cover of darkness as thieves scavenge for pieces of the dead Scrooge’s estate.

To contrast the dark Dickens saw in English society, he used images of light to promote a world that might be created. Much like Dickens himself, the character Scrooge spent an unhappy childhood, unloved and away from home.  But light still fought against that darkness.  We see in his past how Scrooge was brought home by his sister Fan to attend a light and merry holiday celebration – moments of joy in neglected boy’s life.  We see light in Scrooge’s life when, as a dashing young man, he meets the beautiful Belle who brought him happiness and cheer.  We see it in the holiday party thrown by the young Scrooge’s boss and in the imagery of the lighted glory of the Ghost of Christmas Present who carries a fiery torch that drips kindness and gentleness on others.  Light and love suffuse the Cratchit home where, despite their poverty and the infirmity of Tiny Tim, the family celebrates Christmas by a warm fire.  Holiday light emanates from a bleak and small hut visited by Scrooge and one of the ghosts.  The coal mining family still celebrates Christmas in the midst of their drudgery.  And we see light on the dawning morning of Scrooge’s epiphany when he throws open the shutters to his dark apartment and welcomes Christmas sunshine.  All of these and more were symbolic lamps of hope and spiritual encouragement lit by Dickens in a dark, Victorian world of debtors prisons, work houses, and overcrowded orphanages.

Dickens crafted his characters in a such a way as to hopefully inspire the better angels in his culture.  Belle, Scrooges former love, hears her present husband tell her he had just seen an insensitive Scrooge working late at night  in his offices while his partner Marley lay near death.  Even Scrooge cannot help but realize Belle chose family and happiness over him and his decision to focus on making money.  She, though, is clearly rich in the blessings of life – a caring partner, a beautiful child, a home of contentment and love.

We find Dickens promotion of positive thinking, cheerfulness and kindness in Fezziwig – young Scrooge’s employer who celebrates Christmas with his workers and who generously gives them holiday bonuses.  In Fred, Scrooge’s nephew, Dickens shows us a man filled with the spirit of his mother, Scrooge’s sister Fan, who loved people, and enjoyed their companionship.  Scrooge is wealthy, Fred remarks, but his money does him no good.  Charitably, Fred says Scrooge is a man to be pitied but not despised – his greed, ill humor and cynicism have their own punishments of loneliness and isolation.  In spite of all that, it is Fred who cheerfully wishes Scrooge a merry Christmas and invites him to his party.

And, using his most obvious symbols against English society, Dickens writes of two wretched and starving children who emerge from under the robes of the Ghost of Christmas Present.  On their foreheads are written “Ignorance” and “Want”.  When Scrooge reacts with alarm at the pain of these children, the Ghost repeats one of Scrooge’s favorite phrases – one that often echoes across unequal and insensitive cultures – “Are there no prisons?  Are there no workhouses?”  Even a ghost points an accusatory finger at English society and, perhaps, our own.

The redemption offered Scrooge comes with his realization that only in the present can he change the errors of the past and influence a brighter future.  Scrooge’s hurt from an indifferent and unloving father obviously turns him into a bitter man.   Masking the anger and despair of his childhood, Scrooge pursues money and selfishness as ways to protect himself from future hurt.  Like some people even today, Scrooge made a conscious choice to reject the universal keys to human fulfillment – that of personal connection to family and friends, kindness, and positive thinking.  The holiday we each celebrate is often one that reflects our own attitudes and ethics in life.  Is there joy, love of others, charity and a focus on people and not things in our holiday celebrations?  Do we embrace the happiness of the here and now, or are we caught in the chains of our past – ones that hold us prisoner leading us to a cold and forgotten grave?

Scrooge comes to understand he must live in the moment – in the moment of the season, this time of cheer, of family, friends, charity and joy.  The present is all we truly possess.  It might be wasted and spent on work, self-indulgence, depression and anger or it might be spent on relationship, compassion and outreach to others.

Just after this most recent Thanksgiving, I was given a rare gift by a good friend.  Stopping at my computer late on Thanksgiving night, after hours spent cleaning my kitchen from the celebrations, I opened an e-mail sent to me by this friend.   As a custom, that friend sends a letter to one or two people every Thanksgiving.  In it, this friend expressed thankfulness for me and what I had added to this person’s life.  Using many details and sentiments about me to which I can hardly live up, words that nevertheless brought tears to my eyes, this friend gave me a gift far beyond any holiday present I might receive.  I was given the gift of time, of heart, of appreciation and of generosity.  It is a gift I will cherish and that I will save – not as an ego booster but as a meaningful and powerful expression of love.  It is a reminder of the goodness in this person and in so many other people in my life.  How blessed I am to have the friends and family that I do.  How blessed I am to have received such a light on that Thanksgiving night.

What I hope this message might convey is our need to defy the prevailing holiday winds in our contemporary culture.  It is a need to light a symbolic Hanukkah lamp or sing a Dickens Christmas carol in the midst of an indifferent, often money focused, busy, workaholic, self-centered, and greedy world.  While millions starve, while homeless citizens spend nights on our cold streets, while many blessed children go to sleep each night hungry and unloved, while many homes are sad  places of anger and strife, people seemingly act in ignorance of such things – they give each other chia pets, gaudy ties and sweaters that will never be worn.  We attend holiday parties where small talk is exchanged masking the human disconnection we often feel.  The banality of our holidays is often quite sad.

Might our actions this holiday season be ones we aspire to practice – to eliminate holiday chores that create stress but which do not give purpose or joy:  the rushed gift buying, cheerless parties, and indifference to what people all around us really desire?  Our families, our friends, and strangers all long to be loved, recognized and cherished.  Furthermore, in an age of plenty, when do we have too much?  When might the holidays be celebrations of all that we already have?  When might families reconcile past hurts, deeply bond and forge the ties and create memories that will last forever?  When might we practice the long lost art of conversation and genuinely listen to one another?  Might the gift of ourselves, our attentive ears, our time and our love be enough this season?

If we are too simple in our celebrations, we risk becoming like Scrooge – bleak and dreary.  But I know we each know when enough is enough – a simple tree, simple but lovingly prepared food, basic gifts that show thought more than cost, the quality of time and love more than quantity of mere things – these, I hope are more than enough.

Just after Jesus’ famous sermon on the mount, when he taught the lesson that it is the meek, the merciful, the poor, the hungry, and the persecuted that are those closest to the Divine heart, he implored his listeners to light their symbolic lamps and place them high on pedestals.  “You are the light of the world”, he said,  “A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl.  Instead, they put it on a stand, and it gives light to everyone…In the same way, let your light shine before others…”

Such figurative lamps are the attitudes and ideals we practice in our world.  It is the humble one, the peacemaker, the giver, the cheerful one who brings light into the darkness of a pain filled world.  The holidays should be times of simplicity, reflection, and sharing.    So too, they are potentially joyous times filled with meaning and purpose if we so choose.  Might a gift we offer to another person be a heartfelt “I love you – and here are the reasons why…”  Might a gift we give be time spent with one who could use the pleasure of our company?  Might a gift we give be our renewed dedication to give and to serve those organizations working to improve humanity?  Might our parties, decorations and meals be simple affairs that elevate human relationship?   May I encourage for us all a simple but meaning filled holiday?

Those first Hanukkah celebrations two thousand years ago were humble nights punctuated by people of faith joining together to bring light into a dim world of oppression.  And Charles Dickens encouraged the same in his culture.  Even in the crudest and most meagre of homes he described – that of the Cratchit family – words of holiday truth ring out, words that resonate for all humanity and not just a privileged few.  If, as I so relentlessly repeat in here, that we are each gods and goddesses called to help transform our world into heaven on earth, then I pray Dickens’ famous words repeat with resounding joy in the upcoming holiday season – “god bless us everyone!”

I wish you all much peace and even more joy…

Message 77, “Winter Readiness: Storing Up and Attitude of Gratitude”, 11-20-11

© Doug Slagle, Pastor at the Gathering UCC, All Rights Reserved

 

To listen to the message, click here.  To read, see below.

Most people who get to know me soon realize I am not a morning person.  I have the most energy at night and I hate putting an end to my day.  So I stay up later than I should, but I pay for it in the morning.  The cold glare of first light is not kind to me.  My hair stands up at all angles, there are bags under my eyes, and I am usually still half asleep.  I might mumble a few words, but I’m mostly silent.  Until I get my fill of caffeine, I am not a happy, chirpy person in the morning.  And yet, I probably should be.
I recently read a story about gratitude…….that made me think.  Have you ever experienced a sleepless night when you toss and turn in bed, you cannot get comfortable and you lie awake for many hours?  You fret and worry because you have an early appointment and yet sleep eludes you.  When the alarm does go off and wakens you from the few minutes of sleep you did find, you stumble into the shower, grumble about the early time, and then chase down coffee and toast.  Off you go to your appointment only to face morning traffic.  Your day, you tell yourself, has not begun well and most people would agree.
What if, instead of that scenario, you cannot sleep because your bed is a pile of dirty rags on a hard, dirt floor?  You awaken in the morning from a fitful sleep not from an alarm but from rain falling on your head.  Any grumbling that is heard is from your empty, hungry stomach.  And your commute to work is to walk a few miles to the local dump, where your day’s task is to scavenge for scraps of food and clothing in order to survive.  Such a scenario is not fiction – it happens to millions around the world every day.

This contrast of stories pricked my conscience.  What right do I have to wake up on any morning with a complaint on my lips?  What if I woke each day with a simple expression of gratitude that I was awake and alive?  What if, from the beginning moment of every day, I gave thanks for having a clean bed, a roof over my head, food to eat, friends to meet and work that satisfies my needs?  What if I gathered from my heart all of the gifts and joys and experiences I have accumulated…. to then see that compared to so many, I am a richly blessed man?  Might my perspective on life, on other people and on myself be totally different?  I think it would.  Indeed, as an old proverb says, “I once was distraught because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.”

From our “Winter Readiness” series this month, we have learned life lessons using metaphors associated with this time of year.  We learned two weeks ago that we cannot escape the universal law of consequences.  Each of our actions and thoughts affect our lives and those of others.  We harvest…..what we sow.  And last week, using the analogy of threshing………we looked at how times of adversity are good for us.  There are kernels of insight and growth that come from the threshing of life – and we can either embrace challenge, or flee from it.

Today, I want to look at the spiritual discipline of gratitude.  After storing up ……….all of the good crops we have received in life, can we learn to adopt an attitude of gratitude for them?  Can we draw upon the storage bin of our hearts all that we have harvested and winnowed and then give thanks?  I propose that none of us can find genuine peace and happiness until the very core of our souls is thankful for all of the big AND little things we have.  There is no man and no woman who cannot find blessings in his or her life – no matter their age, health or wealth.  And thus, few people have an excuse to be unhappy.   Indeed, happiness IS gratitude.  Depression and despair, my friends, is a lack of gratitude.

And recent research is proving this point.  Concluding a recent landmark study on the power of gratitude, two psychologists from the University of California at Davis and at the University of Miami, found that grateful people are healthier, happier and more successful in life and in relationships.  The researchers assigned one group of people to write down five things for which they were grateful over their past week.  Another group was assigned to write down five hassles they experienced in their past week.  After ten weeks of doing this, the gratitude group felt markedly better about their lives.  They reported fewer health complaints, they spent an average of 2 hours more per week exercising, they were more optimistic about the future and they felt closer to the significant people in their lives.  And a surprising outcome was also evident.  The gratitude group reported offering other people more emotional support and help with personal problems.  Gratitude cultivated goodwill for others.  An attitude of gratitude, it seems, is the perfect antidote to depression.

And such gratitude should also reach directly into our homes and families.  Another researcher, Dr. John Gottman of the University of Washington, discovered a way to predict, after only three minutes of observation, and with 90% accuracy, those inter-personal relationships that will thrive and those that will not.  For every negative expression towards a loved one – a frown, put-down, complaint or expression of anger – there must be at least five expressions of appreciation for the other – compliments, smiles, or statements of gratitude – if the relationship is to succeed.   If this ratio is skewed toward the negative, the relationship will most likely fail.  How often do we look past the small hurts we suffer from people in our lives, and see instead the big picture of love, loyalty and decency from family, friends and significant others?

Gratitude, though, is not just found in mere words.  It is a cultivated and learned attitude.  The gratitude of which I speak is not a form of self-congratulation for all that one has achieved and acquired in life.  It does not to look around our homes and give thanks for the car, the flat screen TV or the computer.  Living in a culture that celebrates materialism and the aspiration to get rich, we are prone to be less and less grateful for what we do have.  If my eye is constantly yearning and seeking more, new, better and shinier, when will I have time to give thanks for the older, the sufficient and the reliable?  I must learn the power of gratitude for the simplicities of life, for the basics of food, shelter, and companionship.

An attitude of insufficiency, however, leads to suffering and pain.  We think to ourselves that we deserve more – in things, in relationships, and in experiences.  The opposite is true.  We find meaning and happiness in constancy, forgiveness, patience, loyalty and simplicity.  Almost all of us have more than enough material things – stuff that only gets old and soon becomes clutter we don’t throw away.  Jesus encouraged his followers to store up in heaven the kind of wealth that does not rust or get eaten by moths.  For a man who literally owned nothing, the Jesus ethic was one of contentment and gratefulness.  That is the stuff of real wealth.

An attitude of gratitude is also not a religious exercise – one of grateful feelings toward an unseen and unknown God.  People are the ones who build heaven on earth by marshaling the forces of goodness and compassion.  Since that is the case, being grateful should be directed to people and not a Divine Being.  Building a grateful heart is to give thanks, for example, for the clothes on our backs at this very moment – for the farmer who planted and harvested the cotton, the mill owner who spun it, the garment worker who wove it into beautiful cloth and the seamstress who sewed it into the garment we wear.  No longer should we take for granted the chain of humanity that serves and blesses us.  We are deeply thankful for them.  None of us, rich or poor, are islands of achievement.  Literally thousands of people have helped make us and enable us to be who we are.

Gratitude then causes us to see humanity in a different light.  We owe more than mere thanks to our world.  We owe debts of caring, time and money – all to pay back and be grateful for what we have been given by the human gods and goddesses who have served us.

Real gratitude is not an end-zone dance of self-congratulation – to use a football analogy.  It never shouts to the world “look at me and all that I have done!”   In fact, we have accomplished very little all on our own.  I daresay that without the inter-connected blessings and gifts from others, we would be nothing.  Nothing!  A gratitude attitude recognizes that every one of us has received far more in life then we have given away.  When we deeply internalize this fact, we are humbled by it.   It chastens us and our pretensions of self glory.   Who I am and what I have are the result of sacrifices from so many.  The only proper response, the only truly spiritual response, is to be profoundly grateful.

How do we adopt a gratitude attitude?  How do we transform our outlook that often takes for granted the gifts of life we constantly receive?  How do we genuinely become joyful and happy people?  Experts, ancient prophets and contemporary theologians all say gratitude is a discipline we must exercise and regularly work to nurture.  It rarely comes naturally.  Ultimately, it means seeing life through a lens of grace.  As the traditional hymn tells us, this is amazing grace.  Amazing in its big and small gifts.  We must receive them as if we are starving and have just been given a loaf of bread.  We were dying and then we are given the means to life.  Our feelings should overflow with grateful joy – we ought to be overwhelmed.  That is how we should feel and act each and every moment of life.

To get to that sublime feeling, psychologists recommend we do just what was done in the earlier mentioned study.  To exercise our gratitude muscle we should daily give thanks.  One method to do that is to keep a gratitude journal.  Each morning or evening we should write down five things for which we give thanks.  Next, we should regularly write a spouse, partner or loved one how much we love and appreciate them.  Finally, experts recommend standing in front of the mirror from time to time and verbally reminding yourself of the good in you and who or what helped create that attribute – your parents, the privilege of education, friends, your faith community, the book you recently read, etc. etc.  You are beautiful and kind and smart not because of yourself…….but because others helped make you that way.

Many of you know the story of Anne Frank.  She was a remarkable girl with a wisdom and maturity far beyond her years.  As did over six million other Jews, Anne and her family suffered terribly.  Enduring two years hiding from the Nazis within two small rooms – never able to venture outdoors or see the light of day, the Franks lived in constant fear of discovery.  After betrayal to German authorities, Anne and her family were transferred to a detention camp and later moved to Auschwitz.  Anne’s father was selected immediately off the train to die in the gas chambers.  Anne, her sister Margot and her mother were chosen to work in the hard labor camp – carrying heavy stones and breaking up sod.  Anne became very thin, infected with scabies and often tearful at the sight of young children being led to the gas chambers.  In the winter of 1945, after transfer to Bergen-Belsen, Anne and her sister found themselves crammed along with one-hundred thousand other women into freezing, outdoor tents.  An epidemic of typhus spread through the camp.  Anne’s sister caught it and fell from her bunk too weak to move.  She was gathered up and then buried alive in a mass grave.  Anne, also suffering from typhus, died a few days later at the age of sixteen.

Despite such a short life of unimaginable suffering, Anne remained almost miraculously grateful.  Poignantly, she wrote in her diary, “I do not think of all the misery, but of the glory that remains. Go outside into the fields, nature and the sun, go out and seek happiness in yourself and in God. Think of the beauty that again and again discharges itself within and without you…..and be happy.  In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.  I simply can’t build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery and death.”

This Thanksgiving, I am grateful for so much.  I offer thanks for my family and my two daughters – two young women beautiful in soul and in heart.  I cherish the days they were given to our world.  I am grateful for the goodness of friends and relationships past and present – for the gift of love, caring and tenderness from each of them.  I am also grateful for my work – for this place that puts food on my table but, more than that, brings me in contact with people who are not perfect – as I am not perfect – but who see the world and ask not what is in it for them, but what they can do for it.

I could name a million more blessings in my life.  All of us could.  But I hope and pray this Thanksgiving we might each resolve to practice gratitude.  Each day, from the dawning moment of first light to the dying seconds before we sleep, may we find the time to be gracious to others, to be thankful, to deeply sense the magnitude of all that we have been given.  May we stand in humble awe before the wonder and beauty stored up in our lives.  As the Buddha once said, “We have no cause for any other feeling but gratitude and joy…”

 I wish you all a blessed Thanksgiving and much peace…