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(c) Doug Slagle, Minister to the Gathering at Northern Hills, All Rights Reserved

Please click here to listen to the message (beginning portion not included). See below to read the entire message text.

Who are you?  In the deep, dark night when you lie awake while all the world sleeps, what truths about yourself do you sometimes ponder?  What innermost thoughts, dreams, loves, fears, hatreds and inspirations define the essential ‘you’?  And when the light of day arrives, and you move out into a world of relationships and human interaction, are you the same person who you pondered in the darkness?  Are your actions and your speech consistent with who you are and who you were made to be?

During this June Pride month, I hope all of us might celebrate its core meaning – one of acceptance, and also joy for being authentic.  Pride month is celebrated around the world as a way to proclaim that no longer should ANY person, gay or straight, need to feel the stigma for simply living true to themselves.  Indeed, the message I hear from Lady Gaga’s song “Born This Way” is one for everybody.  To the gay guy or girl afraid that friends or family will learn their truth, to the confused soul who struggles to make sense of life, to the one despairing of pain, depression or loneliness who puts on a brave face to the outside world, to the one who hates life and soothes it with drugs or alcohol, this June month of Pride speaks of a need for authenticity.  And freedom.  Pride tells us we should all stand in the light of day and joyfully be who we authentically are – wounded, straight, joyful, young, lusty, black, depressed, atheist, gay, old, white, fearful….whatever.

If we follow the one basic rule of life – to regularly practice the Golden Rule to love others as much as we love ourselves – then there is nothing  under the sun about ourselves for which we should be ashamed.  As long as we do no harm to others – we are good, cherished and beautiful. In each of our distinct individuality lies sparkling beauty – that must not be hidden.  Baby, you were born this way…

Theodore Geisel – or Dr. Seuss to most people – once said, “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”  Added to that wisdom is William Shakespeare’s admonition in his play “Hamlet”, “This above all: to thine own self be true.”  

What both these quotes tell us is that to find genuine happiness, we   must proudly live our truth to ourselves and to others.  In doing so, we will be liberated from prisons of shame, fear or guilt.  No longer will the opinions of others matter precisely because we have pride in who we are – and those that love us share that pride.

Authenticity means that we outwardly live according to our inner truth.  It involves refusing to conform to cultural, familial, or religious standards that seek to define us and lock us into a prison of lies.  To live any way other than who we really are creates dissonance and confusion in our minds and in our relationships.  Race relations in our nation have long been inauthentic precisely because persons are judged by outward appearance.  Sexism, religious intolerance, and classism all take the same approach.  Judgmental people try to define others a cording to outward appearances and actions that don’t come close to understanding the real truth.  Instead of reaching for the spiritual ideal of the Golden Rule, hateful people marginalize and demean others with their stereotypical judgements – all in order to elevate themselves.  

Black pride, feminism, and gay pride are thus manifestations of a desire to be authentic and stand against prejudices.  Henry David Thoreau remarked long ago that we are all constantly invited to be who we are.  Sadly, Thoreau was right only for a few people – mostly white, straight men.  Many other people – and I was once one of them – are not invited to be who they are.  They’re instead told to be who they are not – in my case to act straight.  For women and people of color, they’ve been told to be less than their ability and character.  In that regard, this month of June Pride is a way to shout an emphatic “NO!” to the haters.  Pride month tells us it’s ok to be different and, indeed, it celebrates our rainbow differences.  No prejudice.  No intolerance.  No judging.  Just love, acceptance, and joyful celebration of me as gay, you as female, he as black, them as other abled.  Pride says it is the content of our character, and not the color of our skin, our gender, or whom we love that determines the measure of of a person.  Who we are at the core of our souls is all that we truly possess in life and all that will ultimately define us far into eternity.  Do you walk humbly with love and compassion in your heart for all others – or does life revolve only around you such that anger, vindictiveness and deceit define you?

As I have described here on several occasions, I led a life for far too long that masked my true self as a gay man.  During those years I hurt others as much as I hurt myself.  In my fears, my self-hatred, my inner denials, and my acceptance of what religion and society told me I should be, I was alienated from reality.  I was alienated from me.

And when I finally chose to be authentic, to live in accord not with what the outside world told me I should be, but with who I was born to be, I embarked on a journey of peace and, yes, real joy.  I recall my shaking fear when I came out to my fifteen year old daughter Amy.  In one fell swoop, I knew the constructs of her life and our relationship might be broken.  And yet, as one who I love so very much and for whom I would willingly give my life, I knew I finally had to be honest.  And in that moment when I first told her I’m gay, Dr. Seuss’ quote became very real.  Someone who matters most in my life did not mind my truth.  As I sat facing her, unsure of her reaction to my words, she simply put her arms around me and so full of youthful grace, said to me, “Daddy.  It’s OK.  I love you no matter what.”  In that moment, I was loved unconditionally – something we all deserve.  My decision to finally be proud of who I really am was ultimately all about love for myself and love for people who matter most to me.  And the beautiful thing was – those people in turn showed their love for me.

In the moments of authenticity with my daughter and many others, I found the freedom everybody seeks.  I was suddenly free to be me.  I was free from fearing judgment.  I was free from depression and anger.  I was free from shame.

To be human and normal is to be unique and different from anyone else.  Indeed, great beauty lies is the the gay teen who courageously comes out.  It’s in the alcoholic who confesses and seeks help.  It’s in the transgendered who finally decide to be the gender they deeply know they are.  Beauty is in the other abled one who defiantly asks to be treated as any other person.  Each one of us is a work of art and a person to behold and cherish.  Baby you were born this way…

Most psychiatrists, including those of the American Psychiatric Association, believe that one’s sexual identity is fixed and not subject to change.  There have been many studies undertaken to determine the cause of human sexuality.  Is it a trait with genetic origins, pre-natal causes, or the result of how we are raised?  While no study is conclusive, research has shown higher numbers of gay men and women within extended families – pointing to a genetic influence.  Research also shows a higher incidence of gay siblings and gay twins – also indicating genetic influence.  Other research points to the influence of maternal hormones during pregnancy as possibly influencing the development of a person’s sexuality.  While some psychologists point to environmental factors as influencing human sexuality – like how we are raised as children, the testimony of countless gay men and lesbian women indicates they have been so since their very earliest memories.

The weight of evidence from numerous studies, and from the mouths of LGBTQ people, therefore suggests that genes play an extremely important role in the development of human sexuality.   We are who we are and sexuality is simply not a matter of choice any of us can make.  Baby, you were born this way…

No matter the cause of who we are, ultimately June Pride is about celebrating authentic lives not just for the LGBTQ community, but for everyone – especially those who have been denied the right to live according to their inner truth.

And so we each must ponder the depths of our inner souls.  We must be willing to admit our flaws as much as we celebrate our strengths.  We must have confidence in who we know ourselves to be.  We must embrace our differences no matter what culture, religion or prejudice tells us is supposedly normal.  To any person who wears a mask hiding the shame they feel, to anyone afraid to reveal their innermost burdens, to those who doubt their beauty and goodness, the call is to celebrate who you are and then come out.  In the dark hours alone at night, let us be real with ourselves.  Coming out of our various closets – and we have all been in a closet of some type – is a courageous leap we must ALL take.

And if we are truly authentic people, we will then have a love, care and concern for all of creation’s children.  We will have pride in the wholeness of humanity and its wide and beautiful diversity. 

To our own selves be true – because, baby, we are not a mistake.  We were born this way…

I wish you each much peace and joy.

(c) Doug Slagle, Minister to the Gathering at Northern Hills, All Rights Reserved

Click here to listen to the message. See below to read it.

I’m fortunate to have a house in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.  I moved  there in 2009.  One month after my move, I heard the former Minister to the Gathering had submitted his resignation.  A Gathering Board member then contacted me to see if I would be interested in applying for the job – since I had ministerial experience and I had attended the Gathering for two years.   That seemed impossible because I’d moved, but this member suggested a schedule of three Sundays speaking in Cincinnati, one Sunday not speaking and away, and a one year trial to see if it worked.  It did and, almost ten years later, it’s the schedule I still keep.

The home I purchased in Fort Lauderdale is in a gentrified neighborhood.  In the early 2000’s, so called pioneers, many of whom were gay or lesbian, bought homes in the depressed area, fixed them up, and transformed a blighted area into one that is not.

Fortunately, the Fort Lauderdale city council had mandated that a large percent of all living units in the city be affordable for lower income persons.  My house is immediately next to such affordable housing apartments.

Over the past ten years, I’ve been occasionally frustrated with my  neighbors who live in these units.  One was an extreme homophobe who regularly harassed me and friends who visited.  Another kept discarded items and furniture in his outside area – right next to my fence.  Mosquitos bred in pools of water these items collected.  Rats lived in the furniture.  He often held loud parties.  Even so, I did my best to be friendly with him and most of the other residents – who represent our great American diversity.

My parents and many friends who have visited me, however, have asked why I choose to live next to such government housing.

My reply is that I both like my house, and I enthusiastically support the idea of affordable housing – especially in gentrifying areas that are pushing out the poor.  Further, If I am in favor of government sponsored affordable housing, I cannot then say, “but not next to me.”  To be blunt, I don’t want to be a progressive hypocrite. 

As I’ve said in past messages, I believe hypocrisy to be the single greatest human failing.  I lay claim to my own share of hypocrisies.  I’m ashamed when I become aware of them, or when someone points them out to me.  I try my best, not always successfully, to be true to my values.  

Hypocrisy was the one misdeed that Jesus also hated the most.  He regularly confronted religious and economic elites of his time for their hypocrisy.  He condemned those who ostentatiously gave to the poor – wanting everyone to know about it – when what they gave was a minimal fraction of their total wealth.  He despised religious folk who preached the love of God, but who would then walk by and ignore a seriously injured poor man lying by a roadside.   “Ewwww,” these self-righteous people would say.  “He’s unclean and probably diseased.  Just keep on walking by him.”  

Jesus also called out a group of religious men intent on stoning to death a woman caught in adultery.  He pointedly asked them, “Hey, why aren’t you also stoning the guy who was caught with her?  And by the way, any of you without mistakes and sins in your life, you go ahead and throw the first stone!”  Of course, none did.  But sadly, stoning to death of “bad”   women, and gay men, is still common in certain parts of the world.

Time and time again, Jesus preached a very progressive message for his time and for ours – one that proclaimed that real godliness was not in publicly and loudly praying, pretending concern for the poor, or judging sexual sins – when everybody is a sinner of some form.   Godliness, to Jesus, meant getting your hands dirty and actively serving the poor and hurting.  It meant correcting one’s own misdeeds before judging someone else’s.  As he memorably taught, “Don’t point out the small speck in another person’s eye when you have a giant log in your own!”  “Dear friends,” he seemed to say, “Please stop being religious or privileged hypocrites.  Walk your talk and practice what you believe!”

I recently read two newspaper articles that intrigued me about progressivism.  The first was in the online newspaper Vox about Mayor Pete Buttigieg’s open declaration of his progressive Christianity.  As a gay man, he recently confronted Vice President Mike Pence’s evangelical opposition to homosexuality by saying, “If Mike Pence has a problem with who I am, your quarrel sir is not with me, but with my creator.”  That comment captures both a politically and spiritually progressive viewpoint.  Nobody should use their personal interpretation of the Bible, or any other Scripture, as a cudgel against those who don’t have a similar interpretation.

As Buttigieg has also said, liberals should… “not be afraid to invoke arguments that are convincing on why Christian faith is going to point you in a progressive direction.”

What the article suggests is that Buttigieg’s sudden popularity and strong defense of liberal Christianity just might encourage more Americans to follow progressive spirituality.   The article notes the significant decline in America, over the past two decades, in church attendance.  That decline is mostly with liberals and progressives.  Twenty years ago, 71% of all Democrats regularly attended a church or synagogue.  Today, only 48% do.  Republicans have also had a decline in church attendance but the reduction is relatively small.  77% attended a church or synagogue in 1999.  Today, 69% do.

What America needs, the article says, is a spiritual resurgence amongst liberals.  More Pete Buttigiegs are needed to express pride in progressive spirituality – one that places the well-being of humanity front and center – much like Jesus did.  This approach is one that can resonate across political and spiritual divides.  Goodness and genuine spirituality are not about money or power or sanctimoniously judging others.  To be good is to follow the Golden Rule shared by every world religion – love your neighbor equal to how you love yourself.  Who can be against that?

Sadly, as this article says, many progressives are the ones ushering in a decline of American spirituality.  They are rapidly choosing to avoid attending any spiritual community because many, including many youth, associate church or synagogue with outmoded thinking, conservatism, or both.  Conservatives, it seems, have co-opted what it means in America to be spiritual.  They prioritize so-called bedroom values like opposition to abortion, sex outside of heterosexual marriage, pornography, same sex marriage, and feminism. 

Spiritual progressives, as we know, prioritize humanist values like full equality of opportunity and justice for everybody – especially people of color, women, the LGBTQ community, immigrants, the middle class, and the poor.  Simplistically, progressives prioritize practicing the Golden Rule.

What must happen, the Vox article implies, is a renewed revival of progressive spirituality – much like so many of our forebears had – people like John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, William Ellery Channing, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Abraham Lincoln, and Bishop John Shelby Spong, to name just a few.  Today, instead, there are thousands of preachers and advocates of fundamentalist faith but very few public advocates of progressive spirituality.  America needs a lot more progressive spiritual pride that spreads the gospel of Golden Rule love for everyone!

The other article on progressivism that intrigued me appeared in the New York Times on the Friday before Memorial Day.  The opinion piece by Farhad Mangoo laments the recent rejection in California of a new zoning law to create more affordable housing in cities like San Francisco, where it takes an annual income of $320,000 to afford a median priced home.  The blame lies, Manjoo says, with wealthy California progressives who openly practice NIMBY – not in my backyard – toward affordable housing and homeless shelters.  In a city as progressive as San Francisco, one represented by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, technology millionaires and other rich liberals defeated this bill that would help address California’s housing crisis – one that has wage earners making over $50,000 living in their cars because they can’t afford an apartment.  The average rent for a one-bedroom apartment in San Francisco is $3500 a month.  The homeless population in California is at an all time high while the number of people who are fleeing California for cheaper housing states increases every year.  As one online commenter put it about Manjoo’s opinion piece, California is a bastion of liberal hypocrites – people who loudly criticize the President’s desire to build a border wall, but who have nevertheless built a figurative wall of wealth that excludes all but the richest.  Other online commenters say many other US cities are much the same as San Francisco – filled with privileged progressives who don’t seem to care that their communities exclude much of the middle class and poor.

For me, this opinion piece was an eye opener.  How do I, with my privilege, implicitly help to also exclude the less fortunate from neighborhoods where I live?

What these two articles about progressivism tell me is that progressive pride in its values and spirituality is desperately needed in our nation.  In order to spread the gospel of progressive spirituality and values, liberals must walk their talk, and then be openly proud in what they believe.

For us at the Gathering at Northern Hills, I encourage progressive pride, during this June month of pride.  While we are not perfect, just as no church is, I believe the accomplishments and history here are reason enough to be proud, as humbly as possible, in what we represent and do.  

In a metropolitan area of well over one-million people, we are one of only a handful of spiritually progressive congregations. That offers us an enormous opportunity to extol the benefits of progressive faith.  Quite simply, we stand for – and practice as best we can – what all religions ought to stand for and practice – inclusivity, non-violence, compassion, justice for all, and service to those in need.  Just as our framed picture above the chalice table depicts, one also on the cover of your programs, we celebrate the shared ideals of Brahma, Muhammad, Abraham, Confucius, Jesus, Buddha, and others.  Love for humanity is the overriding ethic of each world religion and we, right here in this congregation, both endorse and practice that.  

As spiritually progressive people, we stand against intolerant forces that seek to divide people into competing groups. Fundamentalist religions that deny the dignity of other faiths, nationalism, racism, sexism, and excessive greed are forces this congregation and Unitarian Universalism do not support. 

Offering positive ideals, we instead call people to unite in agreement that everybody seeks the same basic things in life – happiness, love, dignity, and equality of opportunity.  What the world needs is that kind of progressive, humanist approach.   The world needs advocates of mutual understanding, peaceful coexistence, and economic justice not just for a fortunate few, but for all.  50% of the world’s population should not own only 1% of the world’s wealth.  Is that something any religion, any faith, any form of spirituality, any belief system can possibly tolerate?  Of course it isn’t and that means we as progressives can point the way to a human unity of shared goals that improve everybody’s well-being.  

And so I implore each of us to be proud of what we do here and what we believe.  June should not just be LGBTQ Pride month. It should also be for us a month of pride in the progressive values and beliefs that are the foundation of what we do here.  We can improve things about this church, as always, but such improvements are only to advance the very high cause that brings us here.  Let us lift up what we do and be positive about this good place.  Let us share our principles and our actions with youth, family members and neighbors, and give a reason why this congregation, and others like it, are important to both support and regularly attend.

(c) Sue Cline, Board President to the Gathering at Northern Hills, All Rights Reserved

Click here to listen to the message:

(c) Doug Slagle, Minister to the Gathering at Northern Hills, All Rights Reserved

Click here to listen to the message. See below to read it.

Please access and watch this video of a past TV commercial: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcGKxLJ4ZGI&t=7s

This commercial aired in 2014 but it is representative of a trend encouraging women to stop saying, “I’m sorry” so often.  Commentators note that women frequently preface requests with those words, or they apologize for things they didn’t do.  The result, sociologists say, are overly apologetic women who reinforce mostly male assumptions that women are weak as well as biologically and psychologically pre-disposed to be followers and not leaders.  Instead, as the Pantene ad we just watched says, women must be strong in order to counter that assumption.

I like to consider myself a feminist even as I admit to having male blind spots and implicit biases.  Even so, as a father to two daughters and as a gay man, I’m pleased our culture is now significantly empowering  women to demand their equal rights as the majority gender.  The women’s rights movement and the #MeToo campaign to end sexual harassment are important efforts to strip men of their disproportionate power and influence.  After being second class citizens for centuries, it’s time women become the primary influencers in the world – all so that cooperative and non-aggressive attitudes and styles of leadership can flourish.

In that regard, I don’t like what seems to be an effort to encourage women to be more like men – assertive, unapologetic, and domineering.  Our culture does not need more people acting boorish – as some men can act.  It needs more people to act with humility and decency.   It needs more people to collaborate and peacefully reconcile differences.  Those are precisely the skills many women, and some men, bring to the table.  

Power, in my mind, should not be defined by how men have exercised it in the past – leadership that too often has promoted brute strength, boastfulness, violent speech or action, and unapologetic arrogance.  As the #MeToo movement has shown, many men have too long assumed they have the right to exploit, harass, and even assault women.  

We need, instead, what is often called soft power – leadership that encourages cooperation, mutual respect, and non-violence in speech and action.  Those are both practical and spiritual ideals.  Authentic power comes from influencing people in a way that fosters agreement – so that things can actually be accomplished.  Soft power is an ethic that comes directly from Christian and Buddhist teachings that grace, empathy and reconciliation are not weak or feminine attributes.  They are, instead, powerful attributes that are proven to solve problems in ways that last because multiple people, not just a few, have participated.  

To use examples we watched in the commercial, is it a bad thing for anyone to apologize when suddenly he or she and unexpectedly enters someone else’s space?  A quick and polite “I’m sorry to bother you” begins such an encounter on a peaceful and even empathetic tone.  It’s a note of politeness for anyone, in my opinion, to say, “Sorry” when interrupting a meeting presentation with a question.  Even worse about the commercial we just saw is the encouragement for a women to act just like a rude man would – by hogging an entire blanket and justifying it by saying: “Sorry. Not sorry.”

I also appreciate how many people, male and female, say, “I’m sorry” in a way that implies empathy for something bad that happened to another.  One woman reports being criticized by her friends for saying, “I’m sorry” to her boyfriend when he burned a meal he had cooked for her.  Another woman was reprimanded by a woman next to her because she said, “I’m sorry” after the woman had dropped her coat in a muddy puddle.  “It’s my fault, not yours, so don’t say I’m sorry,” that woman scolded.

These women, however had simply expressed what many women feel and say when they see others suffer a hardship.  The reality is that many expressions of sorrow come from women who are not apologizing for something that they clearly know they didn’t cause.  They are instead expressing sympathy for someone else – the boyfriend who burned a meal he’d worked hard to prepare, or for a woman who accidentally drops her coat in a puddle.

In a recent study of 1,000 college age women and 1,000 college age men, results indicate women in fact do say, “I’m sorry” a lot more than men.   The study also revealed that women believe they’ve offended someone else far more than do men – many of whom admit they frequently don’t believe something they said or did needs an apology.

The study also showed how women are more intuitive then men by better sensing when another person hurts.  As an example, one psychologist noted that when a guy wins a race, he’s unlikely to think about how his competitors feel.  When a woman wins a race, she is very likely to downplay her success because she’s concerned about the loser’s feelings.

The implication of these results are significant.  Because many men are conditioned and trained to see the world more from their perspective than someone else’s, the study indicates they don’t as frequently admit when they’ve made a mistake.  And so they don’t apologize because they’ve essentially been taught what they do is usually right – and if someone else feels hurt, that’s their issue.  The study also shows shows men are less aware when people around them suffer.

This is an example of how socially positive attitudes possessed by many women, and some men, need to become more a part of our culture.  We all need to apologize more, we all need to be more intuitive to when we’ve offended someone, or when another is hurting.   In other words, I don’t believe women should stop saying, “I’m sorry”.  Instead, men should say, “I’m sorry” a lot more!

Unfortunately for me, that is the exact opposite of what our society is currently encouraging women to do.  The effort to get women to stop apologizing so much is, I believe, a result of patriarchy.  Cultures around the world have long promoted machismo – aggression, competition, assertiveness, and violence – physical and verbal.  Cultures have also demeaned supposedly feminine attributes like non-violence, cooperation and empathy.  Telling women to stop apologizing is one more effort to advance typically masculine attitudes and thus perpetuate male power.  This puts women in lose-lose situation.  If they speak and act more aggressively like men, I believe they promote a patriarchal culture that’s been defined by men.  Even worse, such women are labeled as pushy.  If they speak and act as women have historically been more prone to do – with greater empathy and a strong willingness to cooperate, they are labeled as weak.  No matter what many women do, they lose.  

What it comes down to is for our society NOT to expect women to change, but instead put that expectation on men.  THEY need to learn how to reduce their aggressive inclinations and instead be more willing to compete less, cooperate more, and seek to understand the motivations, feelings and hurts of others.  And if they refuse to change, then women, using their more peaceful inclinations, must become the world’s leaders.

What ultimately should happen is a change in how humanity defines and exercises power.  Nobody is truly strong when they refuse to apologize for an offense they’ve committed, no matter how minor.  And nobody is truly strong when they fight, humiliate or dominate another.  As the Buddha once said, “Self-control is strength.  Calmness is power.”  

And, as Jesus implied in his teachings, there is ironic strength in being peaceful and even weak.  Too many people have fostered the myth that Jesus’ power was due to him being an all-powerful God who will one day lead a climactic, world ending battle against non-believers.  To the contrary, Jesus was a humble and poor man who taught non-violence, compassion, and stoicism even when humiliated or attacked.  Those are what made him admired and strong two-thousand years ago and still do today.

I’m confident Jesus said, “I’m sorry” a lot.  He certainly would have learned to do so from his many female friends with whom he was unafraid to hang out and ask for advice.  He also would have done so because he taught the merits of both giving and receiving forgiveness.  Forgiveness cannot come, he taught, unless a wrongdoer admits his or her misdeed, the harm it caused, and then pledges to try and not repeat it.  In other words, one must offer a heartfelt apology in order to be forgiven.

What if one apologizes but the other does not forgive?  As Jesus said, that should not matter.  Confession, sorrow and repentance – to use Christian terms – are always the right thing to do. 

We should also apologize if we are only partially at fault.  And in that regard, I believe everyone must apologize a whole lot more because few of us, in any conflict or disagreement, are 100% in the right.  If you show me a relationship that is broken, I will in turn show you two people who are both at fault.  It almost always takes two people to cause a broken relationship. Nobody is a pure angel or a total devil.

And so we must apologize for the devil in us – the part that added to a disagreement.  Apologies properly done, with an admission of wrongdoing, awareness of hurt caused, and a promise to do better, these are like a salve that soothe and diminish angry feelings.  Anyone who refuses to forgive, whose heart is not touched by the vulnerability and sincerity of an honest apology, is not open to the healing offered.  Indeed, it’s a well-known fact that resentment and anger towards another person are not feelings that cause harm to the offender.  Instead, refusing to forgive is a poison that destroys one’s own soul.  Forgiveness, as many say, is divine.  It takes humility to ask for it, and grace to give it.

I’ve shared on several occasions the difficult relationship I had with my father.  He was a good man but I don’t think I was the son he would have preferred.  He showed that feeling toward me in many ways when I was younger and it was often done with ridicule.  Why couldn’t I throw a football like other guys?  Why did I shrink from conflict?  Why was I so introverted?  Why did I dress in clothing he called too stylish – which he really meant were too effeminate?  He said many times it was because I was not a real man.

He said that, and worse, one too many times even when I was a young adult, married with children, and making my way in the world.  And so one day I told him that until he apologized for his demeaning words, I would no longer see him or allow my girls to do so either.  I admit to using my daughters as bargain chips in my argument with him – and for that I was wrong.

But I held firm to my vow and for almost six months, when I was 34, I had absolutely no contact with my dad.  My young girls saw him a few times, but not nearly as much as before.

One day, after I’d returned home from work, the doorbell rang.  I opened the door and there stood my dad.  I didn’t know what to say but he came in the front hallway and stopped.  He struggled with words and I  can’t remember exactly what they were.  I do know he didn’t offer excuses for his past behavior.  He talked instead about how wrong he’d been and then he uttered the two words that heal so many emotional wounds – “I’m sorry.”

And that was all it took to tear down the wall between us.  I then apologized for the way I’d behaved toward him – especially by denying him the right to see his granddaughters.  We talked a bit more, he turned to leave, and just before he walked out the door, he told me he loved me…  

As much as I can remember, that was the only time in my life I heard him say those words to me – but I knew they were both difficult for him to say and also very genuine.  

From that point onward, our relationship was much better such that when I came out about ten years later he was upset at first, but he eventually accepted me and even welcomed and embraced Keith, my partner.

The power of one apology, the humility it took to offer it, and the grace it required to accept it….. they healed our ruptured relationship and restored the love between us.

I don’t want anyone to ever think she or he should say, “I’m sorry” less.  Instead, I want everyone to say those words a lot more – particularly men.  They are the polite words that make for friendly and even loving interaction.  They are the expressions of empathy for those who hurt.  They are the reconciling words that bring peace and hope to a broken world.  I firmly believe each of us need to say them more…….and I’m sorry if you disagree.

I wish you much peace and joy.         

TALKBACK!

(c) Doug Slagle, Minister to the Gathering at Northern Hills, All Rights Reserved

I imagine many of us heard this past week that a new baby boy was born to Prince Harry of England and his wife Meghan.  What struck me was not this news, but both of their statements of joy and amazement.  

Using words every parent can identify with, Harry said about the birth, “It’s been the most amazing experience I could ever possibly imagine… it was absolutely incredible…I’m so incredibly proud of my wife and as every father and parent would ever say, my baby is absolutely amazing…this little thing is absolutely to die for.  I’m just over the moon.”

I remember feeling exactly the same when my girls were born.  Witnessing the birth of any child is one of the most meaningful experiences a person can have.  Being a dad is truly my greatest life achievement.

Those feelings of mine will never go away, but they’ve sometimes been tested.  Waking up in the middle of the night to a crying baby, changing really gross diapers, enduring the terrible twos, feeling panicked when my girls were sick, worrying when I didn’t know where they were as teenagers, and surviving their teen drama queen attitudes are times when – just for a moment – I wondered if being a dad was worth it.

Most of those momentary misgivings came from how to relate to and understand my girls – who are half my age.  I was not a crazy helicopter parent, at least I don’t think I was, but I monitored what my girls did more than my parents did me.  I remember my mom would literally push me and my siblings out the door on weekend afternoons and tell us to go have fun – but not come back unless we’d broken both arms – or it was dark.  I walked, or rode my bike, miles from my house all the time.  And most of my friends did the same.

Today, from what I hear, some parents don’t let their children walk on the front sidewalk without closely watching them, or else stapling a GPS tracking device to their bodies.  Some parents are so involved in their kids’ lives that the kids feel over scheduled and unable to just have fun – to creatively play, build tree houses, or romp through the woods.

One result is a young generation that perhaps more than previous generations feels the stress and anxiety that only adults felt in the past.  Youth today not only are stressed about full schedules, but also about school shootings, terrorism, the future effects of climate change, and an economy that could make them the first generation in history NOT to be better off financially than their parents.

Experts say that young people today spend a lot of time by themselves…more than any generation in the past.  As a result, many youth between the ages of 13 and 29 self report that depression, fear, and anxiety negatively affect them.

The younger generations are also, of course, masters of our digital technology era.  The average six year old knows more about using and  programming computers, smartphones and internet websites then does a fifty year old engineer.  Many young people report they find connection and feel less stress when using social media and their smartphones.  The devices are escapes for them from the stress and anxiety many feel.  Computers and the internet have defined their lives since birth – and that’s not something they caused.  Indeed, as one current social commentator put it, “Technology DEFINES today’s youth culture.”

Unfortunately, all of this causes many adults over forty to complain about young people.  They’re lazy, narcissistic, addicted to their phones, selfish, and rude – some adults say.  Youth are accused of taking far too long to grow up, marry, have kids, and pay their own way.

I relate to some of those feelings myself – even as I know I’m totally wrong.  Like all past generations, I like to think that I had it far harder than current young people.  I was married at 23, a dad at 24, and responsible for a mortgage at 26.  My girls, on the other hand, did not get married until their late twenties and my oldest, who is approaching 35, has said she may not ever have children.  That is of course her right to choose, but I’ve nevertheless wrongly dropped way too many hints that I’d love to be a grandfather while I’m still “young” enough to enjoy it.

Unitarian Universalists, as we know, are advocates for social justice.  We empathize with the oppressed and marginalized.  I’ve offered a few messages on ageism and how that too is a form of prejudice and implicit bias – but my perspective has always been on how ageism is directed at seniors.

In truth, ageism is discrimination based on ANY age – old or young.  Applying that definition, I have been ageist toward teenagers and young adults – as have many others.  My stereotypes of young people are wrong on many levels – the most important being that I should never stereotype anyone.  

What is true about today’s young people is not only that they are idealistic – as youth of every generation are – but that most genuinely care about equality, diversity and social justice.  A majority of them are rightly outraged that too many older people are prejudiced against people of color, or those with different sexualities.  Most youth have experienced tremendous diversity, and they’ve therefore seen firsthand that people are all the same.  

Young adults are not as driven to acquire large amounts of wealth or expensive cars and homes.  They genuinely care about the environment.  They rightly see technology as a force for good – something that can and will save lives and save the earth too.  Electric self-driving cars, solar, wind and battery power, and artificial intelligence are all forms of technology that will fix many of the problems older generations created. 

Significant to us as Unitarian Universalists is not only that we too can be ageist toward youth, but that as Progressives we overlook the fact that young people, their ideas, attitudes, and technology are exactly what our world needs.  Youth are not just literally the future, they speak and think in new, innovative and, yes, different ways.  In my opinion, that’s a very good and very needed thing!   

Forgive me for being slightly political, but I don’t believe it’s Progressive to elect another older, white, straight man as President.   And while its not for me to say, I hope my future successor here is not an old  white man either.   The world needs not just a diversity of people, but a diversity of perspectives too – ones from youth, people of color, women and LGBTQ persons.

And I apply that same standard to this congregation.  Results from our recently completed congregation survey indicate that 62% of all respondents were older than 55.  While having a majority of older people in a congregation is definitely NOT a bad thing, overall it’s not the best for any group’s long term future.  Sadly, GNH’s demographics are the same for almost all churches and synagogues.  In that regard, most of them, including GNH, need a wake up call to find ways to think young.

As Michael Tacy pointed out in one of his past messages, GNH will be stronger and live true to its Progressive ideals if it adopts more practices that young people enjoy.  That includes adding youth oriented music, message topics, and services – like we are doing with these monthly Coffeehouse services.  We should not eliminate traditional services and practices, but we must purposefully be willing to slowly but surely evolve.

For those of us who are older than 50, I believe when interacting with young people, we should:

1. Listen more and lecture less. 
2. Accept more of what youth think.
3. Stop judging and criticizing them.
4. Use a lot more humor in our conversations with them.
5. Allow youth to assume more management and leadership roles.
6. Open our minds to new lifestyles, practices and technology.
7. Be willing to sacrifice some of what we enjoy for what youth enjoy.
8. Cut youth some slack – everyone was once inexperienced too.
9. And most importantly, I believe older generations need to respect and empathize with the hopes, dreams and ideas of young people.  Respect for the dignity of all persons is a two way street.  It doesn’t run only in the direction of respect for people as old as me.  And I, for one,  thank goddess for that! 

Peace and joy to each of you!!

(c) Doug Slagle, Minister to the Gathering at Northern Hills, All Rights Reserved

Click here to listen to the message. See below to read it.

The word “martyr” comes from an ancient greek work meaning “to witness.”  In that sense, the word defines anyone who is voluntarily willing to testify to their strong belief in a cause.  When John Foxe published in 1550 a book describing the sacrificial executions of early Christians, and later Protestants burned at the stake by the English Catholic Queen Mary, the word “martyr” became associated with willingly dying for one’s religious beliefs.  Foxe’s book was entitled The Book of Martyrs and it soon attained a status equivalent to scripture.  In some Christian evangelical circles today, the book is read and used as an example of persecution for being a witness to Christ.

Since Foxe’s time, martyrdom has had a mostly theological connotation – even when it’s been applied to persons like Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi, and Martin Luther King, Jr.  Those three were killed not just for their civil rights advocacy, but as many people say, for their spiritual promotion of human rights.

Martyrdom has also been applied to the Pilgrims and Puritans for the hardship they endured in early America.  Catholic missionaries were considered martyrs by some when they were killed by indigenous people they tried to convert.  And those same indigenous people are often said to be martyrs for the suffering they endured at the hands of past white missionaries and immigrants.  

Joseph Smith, the founder of Mormonism, is honored as a martyr by that faith.  Some have applied the word to the six million Jews killed during the Holocaust.  More concerning, extremist Muslims liberally use the term to exalt those who willingly die when committing terrorism.

Unfortunately, the word “martyr” has been hijacked for religious and political purposes when, in fact, its real meaning, as I said, is a witness – or someone who testifies – to a belief.

The point of my message this morning is not to restore the true meaning of the word martyr, but rather to promote testifying – or bearing witness – to one’s spiritual beliefs.  

Last Sunday, Ann McCracken offered a beautiful and almost lyrical testimony of her spiritual journey from growing up as a young Catholic girl, to her budding religious doubts, to explorations of native-American spirituality, to her present fulfillment with Unitarian Universalist openness. 

What Ann offered, and you can listen to her message on our website, is both a deeply personal story of her spiritual search, but also a description of the value inherent in multiple forms of spirituality.  She found solace in Catholic rituals, connection with nature in native-American beliefs, peacefulness from reverential moments with Tom gazing out on the ocean, and gratitude for reason – and an absence of doctrines – in UUism.  Ann summarized her present spirituality as Humanist.  Most importantly, Ann’s story did not try to tell us why her beliefs are better than ours – and we should adopt them.   Instead, she simply offered her perspective on a life quest for meaning and transcendence.

For my sake as a Minister, I highly endorse her testimony not just for its content, but also for the beauty, thought and courage it took to share it.  Everybody has their own spiritual story to tell – and every story is therefore unique and important.   The 8 billion spiritual stories comprising the world’s population are testimony to our human-ness.  Every person seeks, in some fashion, connection with the ineffable and indescribable capital ’T’ Truth that defines everything.  We all seek what might loosely be called the divine – be that God, Allah, Yahweh, Nirvana, nature, the power of love, or the principles of science and reason.  Ultimately, I believe we all seek the same thing.

Ann described that universal search as entering multiple doors each opening to the same altar.  That is a beautiful analogy.  I have offered a similar one.  We are all on a different path to the same mountain peak of Truth.  There are many paths to the summit and all are good, but the great wonder about humanity is that we are all mountain climbers, or door openers, searching and yearning for the same goal.

My plea this morning is that we spend the time to understand and articulate just what it is we each spiritually believe, and then understand how and why that is both meaningful to us and to the larger world.  Our journeys are of course personally important to us, but they are more important for what they mean to the world.  How does our spirituality help build a form of heaven on earth where everybody lives in peace and with mutual love?

One of the false but primary accusations against Unitarian Universalism is that without any doctrines, it essentially believes in nothing.  One well-worn joke speaks to that idea.  In an episode of the “The Simpsons,” young Lisa Simpson visits a fundraising ice cream stand run by local minister Reverend Lovejoy.  She scans the list of flavors offered – ones like Protestant peach, Catholic rocky road, or Heavenly hash.  She spies the Unitarian Universalist flavor and exclaims, “Ohhhhh!  I want that one!”  Reverend Lovejoy hands her a cone, Lisa skeptically examines it, and then cries out, “But it’s empty!”  “Exxaccctly!” says the Reverend.

That joke playfully mocks UUism, but it also holds a larger truth about many UU members as well as other people.   In a Pew Research poll, 16% of the world’s people say they believe in nothing.  23% of Americans make that claim.  The single most common reason these people offer is that they are opposed to the teachings of any and all religions.

What is startling is that the relative percentage of people around the world who say they are non-religious and believe in “nothing” is predicted to decrease!  That is due to several factors, but a major one is that belief in “nothing” is mostly a negative statement and one that implies a generally pessimistic or cynical outlook.  Those who believe in some form of spirituality generally hold a more optimistic and hopeful attitude which gives rise to much higher birthrates for them – in contrast to very low birthrates for those who say they are irreligious.

The irony is that people who say they believe in nothing actually believe in something – even if it means they do not believe in a theological goddess, or the stories in various scriptures.  Indeed, Atheists, Agnostics, Humanists, the skeptical, indifferent or just spiritually lazy DO believe in something that is likely very, very positive.  

In their own way, people who say they believe in “nothing” are actually on their own path to the mountain top of Truth.  Instead of stating a supposed belief in “nothing,” I believe they instead consider testifying to just what it is they DO believe in – whatever that may be.

Such testimonies would likely change the more pessimistic attitudes of non-religious people.  Indeed, it is troubling that birthrates among religious people are higher than for the non-religious. There are likely many reasons for that but one is that spiritual people, in general, possess greater hope and optimism for the future.  

        As someone who is non-religious and who calls himself a Humanist, I have an optimistic outlook for humanity based on past human history.  Time and again, when faced with serious challenges like feudalism, slavery, plagues, inequality, or genocide, humanity has met them head on – and found ways to reasonably address them. 

As a Humanist, I thus have hope in people, in the collective goodness of humanity, and not in stories about a supernatural god or goddess.  As I’ve done before, but won’t repeat today, I’ve shared my spiritual journey with you and, even though it describes my move away from beliefs I found wanting, my story is nevertheless one that describes positive reasons why I now believe as I do.

For me, the continual process of examining and re-examining my beliefs, and then figuring out what they mean, is a tremendous confidence building – and peace inducing – exercise.  I’m able to clarify just what it is that I’m doing in life – besides just muddling through with no larger understanding or sense of purpose.

The Christian New Testament includes a verse supposedly written by Peter that states, “Always be prepared to give an answerto everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that is in you.”  That verse is used as a teaching point by almost all Christians.  Every Christian, they say, should be able to testify to their beliefs and how and why they came to them.  Indeed, it’s an expected practice among evangelical Christians to publicly share one’s testimony – not only to be able to understand their beliefs for themselves, but as a way to promote Christianity in general.

I don’t share the idea that we should promote and proselytize personal spiritual beliefs.  That is an arrogant and presumptive attitude.  But as the verse I just quoted says, it is good and helpful for others when we share what helps us be more hopeful, loving, charitable, humble and peaceful.

As I said earlier, that’s exactly what Ann McCracken did in her message last Sunday.  It was a wonderfully descriptive sharing of her journey to find more peace and joy in her heart and mind – a story that is different from mine and yours but nevertheless inspiring.  I learned from it, as I hope you did too – or will if you listen to it online.

In that regard, every story is valid and every one is to be celebrated.  Understanding that, we as Unitarian Universalists can testify to the goodness we find in multiple spiritual beliefs.  We will also testify to the foundational idea that nobody, no religion, and no form of spirituality expresses absolute truth – one that everyone should accept or else be rejected.  As Ann said, you’re looking for your door to the universal altar.  So is the person next you.  I want to rejoice in that and never claim my  chosen doorway is superior to another.

For me, that’s a positive practice I must repeatedly learn.  I may disagree with what others religiously believe, but I must remember both their right to believe as they wish and the intrinsic goodness of their belief – as long as it is founded on love.  For beliefs that include hate of others, I must gently speak against such doctrines, or interpretations of them, that purvey rejection and violence.  

If I want to most effectively promote what it is I believe, then let me practice a Humanist version of what Francis of Assisi suggested, “Preach Jesus, and only when necessary use words.”  May my deeds of kindness, empathy and charity be the most powerful testimony of what I believe.

What I hope we will each do is plumb the depths of our hearts and find the part of us that hungers for peace and a connection to something beyond ourselves.  When we meditate on being at one with whatever we consider a higher power – nature, god, or the power of love – I believe we lose our self-focused thinking to instead be filled with awe and deep gratitude.  This is how we then see ourselves as spiritual beings and how we begin to understand our spiritual journey.  For many, this is both an ecstatic and humbling experience – to deeply know one is part of something immense and overwhelmingly good.  

Pondering our spirituality and our journey is not an intellectual exercise.  Instead, it’s a soul deep process – remembering and honoring moments and feelings that have deeply moved us – the smell of incense from a past church service, a musical piece that brings us to tears, a quiet walk in the woods, or the full acceptance given us by a family member or friend.   These are some of the evocative moments of life that remind us we are more than flesh and blood – we are a species that seeks a glimpse of ultimate Truth.  

As a part of this process, I would love for any of you to share your spiritual journey – either in a full message like Ann’s last Sunday, or in a shortened 5 minute version to be incorporated in a future service.  Please reflect on this request and feel free to speak to me if you are so inclined.  

If public speaking is not your thing, then I hope you will develop and share your spiritual journey and beliefs with a partner or a few trusted friends – people who will just listen and lovingly affirm you. 

I shared as recently as Easter Sunday my belief that it is all of us – humanity in general – who are the gods and goddesses that make the world a better place.  I humbly suggest you discover your inner goddess and then tell others how she came to be, who she is now, and what she plans to do.  By letting others see and hear your inner goddess, you will create a divine moment for yourself and for those who hear you – just as Ann McCracken did last Sunday.  Let us bless one another with our stories and thereby help inspire the world with our peace and joy – of which I now wish for all of you.

Talkback?

(c) Rev. Doug Slagle, Minister to the Gathering at Northern Hills, All Rights Reserved

Click here to listen to the message. Please see below to read it.

Saint Genevieve, who is the patron saint of Paris, had her life story written by an anonymous monk in the year 520 CE – only ten years after her death.  The biography describes many of Genevieve’s supposed miracles.  To combat Attila the Hun’s army that was threatening Paris, she had a tree cut down, that she then cursed, causing demons to emerge from it and kill hundreds of enemy soldiers.  Later, when she joined troops in boats crossing the Seine River, many of the boats capsized during a storm.  Genevieve had the boats brought up from the depths, re-floated, and the soldiers saved.  She’s also said to have healed hundreds of sick, blind and lame people – just by her touch.

Such hagiography, defined as over-the-top exaggerations of a deceased person’s life, are so elaborate in Genevieve’s case, that truth about her is impossible to determine.  And that’s because nobody disputed her biography – even though countless people knew her.  Why were the fictions allowed to go uncontested?

The ability to widely distribute printed material in ancient times was not possible.  Scrolls of parchment, which were the books in the ancient world, were very expensive.  Parchment, made from animal skins, cost the equivalent of fifty dollars a page.  Many scribes were needed to painstakingly hand-write each of the scrolls.  And those scribes had to be taught to read and write – at a time when less than 10% of people were literate.  Because scrolls were so time consuming and expensive to produce, only the Catholic church and wealthy people could afford them.   The result was the average person had no access to factual news.  People got their news by word of mouth, gossip and from sermons – since the Church controlled all information.  Genevieve thus became a Saint because nobody was able to widely dispute the miracle stories.

This same situation happened five hundred years earlier with the  biographies of Jesus.  Few people could dispute what was written about him.  What was helpful, though, is that several people, not just one, wrote biographies about Jesus.  And they significantly differed from each other. 

The traditional understanding of Jesus’ resurrection is that he literally came back to life after having died and was buried.  That’s the story presented in three of the Bible’s gospels – Matthew, Luke and John.  But the first one written, the gospel of Mark, differs in its account of what happened on the first Easter morning.  Mark, along with accounts in gospels not included in the Bible, suggest that the original understanding of the resurrection is far different from what other gospels say.  

Almost all scholars believe a man named Jesus lived two thousand years ago and that he was executed by Roman and Jewish elites because he was a threat to their power and wealth.  The historical Jesus taught amazing truths about human ethics.  But that Jesus, I believe, did not literally cause miracles and was not god.

That’s a radical statement to make on Easter Sunday but it’s not because I think Jesus was a fictional person or that he should not be greatly admired.  My intent on every Easter is to offer a different – and hopefully more accurate – interpretation of his life and resurrection.  I believe Jesus died a horrible death, he was buried in an unmarked grave like all other executed persons of the time, and he remained dead.  He was symbolically resurrected, however, through the legacy of his work with the poor, diseased and marginalized.  He was resurrected by the impact he had during and after his life through his teachings on forgiveness, humility, compassion, non-violence and service to others.  His real resurrection is thus a symbolic one that assures us that we too can impact the future long after we are gone.  My intention is to resurrect the true resurrection in order to find meaning that is relevant to anyone  – no matter one’s religion or no religion.

The four gospels in the Bible, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, were all written decades after Jesus died.  Mark was the first written – around 63 CE, or thirty years after Jesus’ death.  As the earliest gospel, Mark is thus considered by many scholars to be the most authoritative.  It does not include any story about Jesus’ miraculous birth or, as I’ve said, about his  bodily resurrection. 

       Mark, chapter 16, which is the final chapter in the gospel, concludes with the female followers of Jesus arriving at his tomb on Easter morning.  They find the tomb wide open and without Jesus’ body inside.  There’s no description in the original Mark about Jesus’ resurrection or him appearing alive after his death.

This ‘no resurrection’ version of Mark is in the earliest known copies of that gospel.  Much later copies of Mark, ones printed in Bibles you may own, contain eleven added verses that DO describe Jesus appearing alive after his death.  However, virtually every scholar, Christian and otherwise, say those verses were added centuries later by Church leaders who wanted a miraculous Jesus – and not a great but very dead man.  That’s proven because the two earliest copies of Mark, discovered in 1859, do not contain the added verses describing a literal resurrection.  Because of that, many Bibles today – you can check this in yours – put a disclaimer before those added verses stating they are not original.

The implication of this is significant – one that most fundamentalist Christians avoid contemplating.  The miracle of Jesus coming back to life on Easter morning, after being tortured, crucified, killed and buried, the event that supposedly proves there is a life after death for everybody, was probably made up.

What the original version of Mark described is that in the empty tomb sat a young man who tells the female followers of Jesus that he is risen and to find him in Galilee.  It’s in Galilee where Jesus lived his entire life and where he taught his famous Sermon on the Mount declaring the poor in spirit, the meek, the merciful and the peacemakers of the world are the truly good.  It’s also in Galilee where he served and showed compassion to the hungry, sick, blind and other abled, and where he confronted religious hypocrites who worshipped money and power.  Galilee, more than any other place, represented Jesus’ humble life and teachings.  It’s there, not some tomb, that the young man said to find the essence of Jesus and his legacy of forgiveness and love.  The heart of the resurrection, in my interpretation of Mark, is not about a physical life after death, but is instead a spiritual and symbolic one.

My interpretation of Mark’s original description of the resurrection is also that of the first Christians.  Once again, a relatively recent discovery proves this.  The gospel of Peter, another biography of Jesus, was found sixty years ago buried in what was an ancient library in Egypt.  This gospel was not included in the Bible by early Church leaders.  It’s exclusion was likely because it says that instead of Jesus being bodily resurrected, he was simply “taken up”.  That’s a crucial distinction and one that fits with the original ending of Mark.    

The gospel of Peter, experts believe, was written very close to Jesus’ death which makes it more authoritative than ones in the Bible that were written decades later.  Jesus’ essence – his spirit – was taken up into a symbolic realm comprising his teachings and all the good he did.  Jesus’ afterlife, and ours too, is not to rest forever on some heavenly cloud, or if we do evil things, burn in some ghastly hell.  Many of the first Christians believed we will be taken up into a spiritual – not literal – heaven, one which I believe is purely symbolic.

This is something I describe whenever I officiate at funerals.  It’s my belief that humans, not some mythical god in heaven, are the true gods and goddesses that make the world better.  Because of that, it is what a person does to influence other lives, that lives onward.  That is why kindness, compassion, and serving others are so essential.  They are the purpose for our existence.  We help make the world better off than if we had not been born.  We don’t do good to selfishly earn a spot in heaven.   We do good just for the sake of doing good – and to improve life for everyone.   

Doing good in life, according to Jesus, means to forgive others – even our enemies.  It means living humbly and sacrificially by practicing the Golden Rule to love and serve others at least as much or more than we love and serve ourselves.   And our contentment and happiness come not from money and material possessions, but from living at peace with everyone.  We can’t know the impact we’ll have in the distant future, but hundreds of years from now, our lifetime deeds will have been paid forward generation by generation such that it will be as if we are there too.

For me, that’s the resurrection I celebrate today – a reminder to live as Jesus lived – simply, compassionately, and joyfully.

A few years back, I visited a Gathering member who was terminally ill.  He had assured me during his hospice time that he was at peace with death.  But when dying got very near – and he knew it, he was terrified.  Even though he’d become an Atheist as an adult, he began to fearfully remember his Christian upbringing and its teachings about hell.  He asked that I come to him shortly before he passed, and with much anguish and emotion, he asked that I pray with him to help him find some peace.  

And so I clasped his hands in mine and I prayed with him in gratitude for his beautiful life – one that included love for his family, partner, and many friends.  I prayed with the assurance that he would be remembered and his life legacy would last far into the future because of the love he had given away, the generosity he had shown, and the kindness he’d extended to those less fortunate.  I prayed with thanks that he had followed the life example of Jesus.  I finished my prayer reminding him of the many people who had loved him – who still do – and who will for many years to come.  And then I looked up at him.  He was no longer trembling, he had something of smile on his face, and tears stained his cheeks.  He said a very quiet, “Thank you.” 

I still remember that encounter.  His fear of death shook me, but I’m hopeful he passed into eternity unafraid because he better understood what resurrection means.  No hell.  No heaven.  Just peace and an eternal legacy of goodness.  

         I hope a gentle death comes for me and for you.  To the depths of my heart, I believe in a resurrection, an afterlife, for each of us – one that will be a timeless extension of how we have loved, given, served and spoken.  It’s the things we do today and tomorrow that will influence others far into the future.  It is not hyperbole to say that each of us touch eternity by how we show love – even in very small acts or expressions of kindness.  Whether or not future generations know our names, we will nevertheless be there with them. 

My hope is that we can resurrect the resurrection – and restore its original understanding.  We will all die one day and our bodies will become part of the universe.  But the essence of who we are will not end.  We will live onward in the countless ways we have impacted the world.  Nobody lives and dies in vain if he or she has selflessly loved family, friend and stranger.   Doing those things, eternity for me and you will be a continuous Easter morning.

I wish you each much peace and joy.

(c) Rev. Doug Slagle, Minister to the Gathering at Northern Hills, All Rights Reserved

When I consider my life so far, the most significant moment for me was when I had an “Aha!” moment and decided to come out 14 years ago – both to myself and to the world.  That decision to change, or more realistically to improve, is important to me not because I came out, but because I finally chose to be the real me.  I stopped being afraid of all the potential negative consequences that might happen.  That major decision of change was mostly about me deciding to love myself.

Even though many past friends and members of the church I served at the time told me I was going to hell, and that I could no longer be their friend or their Minister, it’s funny that they also told me I’d become a different person – and they meant that in a negative way.  At first, that upset me, but then I quickly realized I had changed but only in a way that I got better.  I became happier, more confident, and more authentic.

The real me, the person who I was and am at my inner core, had mostly evolved.  I revealed a relatively small part of me that I’d previously and wrongly thought was bad – and that has made all the difference in my life.

Since next week is Easter Sunday and, for many people, a day to celebrate the resurrection story about Jesus coming back to life from being dead, I chose resurrection as my theme for April.  My intent is to consider what change means for us – on a societal level as I discussed last Sunday, on a personal level as I’ll discuss today, and on a spiritual level as I’ll talk about next week.

For most of us, changing ourselves for the better is something we say is a good thing, but we often are afraid of doing it.  It’s far more comfortable – and easy – to go along as we are.  But as we know, the world is constantly evolving around us.  Change is a fundamental fact in the universe.  If we stay the same, while everything else changes, we risk being left behind and becoming stagnant and boring.  And so we come to a place like this church to consider ways to improve ourselves so we can then help improve the world.  We also realize that making a decision to improve ourselves, perhaps by learning new ways to think or act, is periodically essential – for our own well-being and for the world too.  If we become stale, what good are we?

For me, there were and are three essential steps I needed to take in order to change myself.

First, I had to face my fears – and overcome them.  Any new thing in life, any so-called improvement in thinking or in how we speak and act, is difficult primarily because we are often afraid.  What if I fail?  What if others don’t like the new and improved me?  What if the process of change is painful and difficult?  What if change for the better actually turns out to be something worse?

The reality is that fear is like a prison in which we put ourselves.  Our freedom is limited because we subconsciously tell ourselves, “don’t even think of being different!”  We exist in a jail of our own making that seems comfortable only because it is familiar.  Fear also causes us to think the worst about ourselves and the world.  “I’m ineffective and a loser – so don’t try something new because it won’t go well.”  Or, “The world is a nasty place – so don’t do anything different that will call attention to yourself.” 

I thought those things before my “Aha” decision to come out.  But the odd thing was, once I faced my fears and came out, I realized my  thoughts of what might happen were far worse than what actually  happened.  My daughters still loved and accepted me.  My dad didn’t reject me.  I lost my job as a Minister, but within three years found a new and much better Minister position at the Gathering.  And I attribute that job offer to the fact that I was a more happy and empowered person precisely because I’d faced my fears and changed my life.

I still encountered some difficult times.  I lost friends, I felt very alone for a while, I occasionally questioned why I decided to change.  But those negatives were temporary as they always are.  Just as the adage goes about exercising our bodies, the same is true when we significantly change: “No pain, no gain.”

The second step I took to change was to love and accept myself for who I am.  Part of what had held me back from changing was because I didn’t like who I was.  An inner voice told me I was bad, sinful, and that being gay was the worst thing I could be.

I had to realize that who I was and am is someone worthy.  I had to challenge all the things mean spirited people say about LGBTQ persons –  and understand those are lies.  Do I try my best to serve family, friends and strangers with compassion?  Yes.  Am I perfect?  Of course not.  Do I try to learn from mistakes and be better?  Yes.  If there is a god, or whatever else that made me, would she make something bad?  Absolutely not.

Too many of us fill our minds with negative thoughts about ourselves.  We have to first tell our inner negative voice to shut up!  As I’ve said before, the only way we can love anyone else is if we first learn to love ourselves.  We don’t become arrogant and stare lovingly in a mirror.  Instead, we understand who we are, admit are flaws, try to change them, and more importantly see the beauty in us.  Once I accepted that I’m a good person and that I am worthy of respect,  I was able to change and improve my life.  Ultimately, I found the ability to accept and love me – just as I am.

The third essential step to change myself was to be as authentic and genuine as possible.  I had to agree to just be me – no masks, no hiding in symbolic closets, no fear of what others think about me.  LGBTQ protesters often chant at protest rallies, “We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it!”  I had to learn to say that to myself.

The world is full of fearful people who don’t love themselves and  hide who they really are.  Fake people are, at their core, unhappy people because they’re not free and they’re not real.  Such people are either very sad, or else they hide their fears by being overly arrogant and seemingly invulnerable.  And so, in sum, three things we must do to change: 1) face our fears, 2) love and accept ourselves, 3) decide to be fully authentic and true to yourself.

For any of us here today, especially young people, we know life is about change and moving forward.  We tell ourselves change is no fun when, in fact, it is often exciting and good.  Moving from being a young person to being an adult is scary.  So is the change from being a strong and vital adult into being an older person.  Other changes – to go to college, to start a new job, to evolve in how we think about an issue – these are equally challenging.   But I need to assure myself – and you – we are capable – and the vast majority of people love us just for who we are.  Black, punk, goth, trans, lesbian, jock, intellectual, artistic, preppy, grungy, old, young, male, female, gay, straight – whatever –  we are each beautifully and wonderfully made.  We’re amazing, strong, smart, and likable.  Let’s keep on being who we are – while we keep on getting even better.  We are a gift to the world and none of us should ever forget that! 

(c) Rev. Doug Slagle, Minister to the Gathering at Northern Hills, All Rights Reserved

Please click here to listen to the message. Please see below to read it.

Almost exactly two years ago, the late night comedian Jimmy Kimmel spent fifteen minutes at the opening of his show describing the birth of his son Billy.  Within minutes of the birth, an observant nurse noticed something was wrong.  Billy’s color was not right and he had a noticeable heart murmur.  A pediatric cardiologist was called who decided the infant needed immediate open heart surgery.

Fortunately, all went well and Billy survived thanks to the skill of a medical team trained, in part, by funding from the National Institute for Health, or NIH.

Kimmel then noted how six months before, the Trump administration had proposed a six billion dollar cut in funding for the NIH.  Congress fortunately rejected that and instead increased NIH funding by 2 billion.  Kimmel went on to note that before Obamacare had been passed, children like Billy were often denied health insurance for the rest of their lives because of their pre-existing condition.

Kimmel then broke down, with tears streaming down his face.  He said he was fortunate he had both the money and health insurance to make sure his son received life saving treatment.  While choking back, he said no parent should ever have to face the prospect of a child born with a defect who cannot be treated due to lack of insurance.  “We live in   supposedly the greatest country in the world,” he said.  “This is not a Republican or Democrat issue,” Kimmel said.  “It’s a human life issue.”

Even though Kimmel’s emotional statement was met with scorn by some, video of it went viral.  It was watched and liked on various internet sites over 50 million times.  It became national news and polls later showed an increase in support for the Affordable Care Act, which was under threat of repeal then and is now once again.

Despite people hearing statistics and intellectual arguments about why universal health insurance is good for society, one tearful father telling the story of almost losing his son was powerfully compelling.  Who could not feel for Jimmy Kimmel – not because he’s a celebrity – but because he’s a parent just like millions of others.  People listened with their hearts, they identified with Kimmel, they understood his emotions, and for just the fifteen minutes it took to watch and hear him, they felt his pain.  Millions of people empathized with him and perhaps came to support Obamacare.

Two years before, the world was hearing news reports about the Syrian Civil War refugee crisis.  Over five million Syrians have fled carnage, chemical gas attacks, and widespread hunger in their home country.  That number of people has caused a humanitarian crisis.  Over 86% of Syrian refugees still live in barely tolerable camps with conditions below the world poverty line.   Appeals for international assistance to the refugees has largely gone unmet.

As you listen to what I’ve just said, think for a moment what it means to you that 5 million people suffer in conditions worse than the world’s poorest.  For me, when I read or hear such data, I’m of course upset and I feel an intellectual sorrow.  But my feelings are mostly in my head.

Now, please take a look at this picture taken in 2015 of the drowned 2 year old boy Alan Kurdi, a Syrian refugee whose family had fled Syria by boat, which later capsized off the coast of Turkey.  Now, reflect on your feelings about Syrian refugees.  Are they different than what you felt before?

This picture, like Jimmy Kimmel’s story, went viral.  Over a billion people around the world saw and felt the impact of the Syrian civil war and refugee crisis.  This one tragic image caused a fifteen-fold increase in donations to help the refugees.  Governments around the world, including the US, increased their support oft them.

What made the difference?  The world became, for just a short time, widely empathetic to the suffering and deaths of refugees.   Alan Kurdi became the entire world’s child.

As most of you know, I’ve appealed many times for greater empathy in us and in the world.  My message today will not be as much about empathy itself, but how it can be a powerful means to create societal change.  Since it is April when many celebrate Easter, my theme this month will focus on “resurrection.”  We often think of that word as relating to the story of Jesus’ bodily resurrection from death to life.  It is said to both prove Jesus’ divinity and the existence of God.

Whether or not that understanding of resurrection is true, it’s meaning is far too narrow.  Next week, I plan to look at why resurrection – or change – in ourselves is important.   In two weeks, on Easter Sunday, I plan to resurrect the Jesus resurrection itself to find new meaning for it that can speak to everybody. 

This past January, I talked in a message about a book by Stephen Pinker entitled Enlightenment Now.  In it, Pinker describes how people are far too pessimistic about the present.  Many people, both conservative and progressive, believe things are worse off today than in the past.  While statistics prove that belief to be false for almost everything – poverty rates are way down, average life expectancies are way up, and social justice rights are better than ever, Pinker notes that happiness levels have not increased with ever improving well-being.

Some experts say human happiness has not substantially increased throughout history because people have moved away from close-knit, caring communities.  They point out that humans were likely happier when they were hunter-gatherers who lived in small clans of less than twenty people.  When humans depended on one another for their survival, when they intimately knew and identified with others in their clan, they had the human connection and mutual concern for one another needed to help everyone feel happy.  Many sociologists say communalism makes people happier.  

That happens, experts say, because communalism fosters empathy.  When we share what we have, when our well-being depends on the well-being of others close to us, studies show we are happier.  And, experts say that is because we understand and feel each other’s emotions.

Individualism, which is a hallmark of western society, emphasizes instead the attainment of happiness by focusing on the self – what it wants, needs, deserves and feels.  Less attention is placed on the well-being of other people – especially people we don’t know.  We can hear about their plight and be sad – like we do about Syrian refugees – but because we are focused on personal happiness, many people simply don’t have the emotional tools to genuinely understand other feelings.

The sad irony is that because of individualism, people are less happy precisely because we, and everyone else, are too focused on their own interests.  We don’t think how someone else will feel when we don’t listen, when we judge, verbally attack, or aggressively compete so that we win and they lose.

Even more, we have lost the intuition ancient people had that sensed how each other felt.  We often ask others, “How are you?” but that is often a greeting we don’t really intend as a serious question.  We also don’t listen to, or feel, the answer given, or sense someone’s underlying mood.  Empathy involves sensitivity and intuition just as much as it does listening.

The world can be such a nasty place but even if we don’t participate in such cruelty, I think it is the very rare person who consistently lives, speaks and acts in empathetic ways.  Our failure, I believe, prevents us from being as genuinely compassionate as we could be which sadly can make us part of the problem.  We want a more equal and just world but we   don’t dedicate ourselves to full time empathy.

That reality leads me to believe that the only way humanity will change itself and thereby resurrect a caring, equal, and non-violent society, is if we all begin to build listening and understanding in ourselves, in our children, and in our small groups – churches, schools, workplaces and government councils.  It may sound simplistic, but the only cure for racism, greed, discrimination, crime, war, partisan political nastiness, and a general lack of grace or forgiveness, is if everyone fosters within themselves honest empathy.  To change society, people must also change.

We can still intellectually agree or disagree with each other, but we must always find HEART agreement with one another.  When you hurt, I both understand it and I hurt too.  No judgement.  No ranking of your hurt as less than mine.  No rush to try to solve it, or tell you about my suffering.  Instead, to use President Bill Clinton’s famous empathy phrase, I feel your pain.

Last year, this congregation considered the Black Lives Matter issue on a mostly intellectual level.  Our opinions, I believe, came mostly from our minds.  Me included.  But I knew enough to encourage us, on several occasions, to listen to one another’s personal stories and heart reasons why we each believed as we did.  Mostly, we stated our opinions but did not reveal our emotions.  As a Minister, I often get to hear the heartfelt stories of you.  I heard some members, who had a relative or loved one who was or is a police officer, tell me about the fear they have for that loved one’s safety – that they’ll be harmed by someone with a gun or knife.  Whether or not Black Lives Matter is anti-police, many people heart feel that it is.  That is has little to do with their thoughts and everything to do with their emotions which, to honor their dignity, we should understand. 

Some opponents of a banner also shared why they attend GNH.  It’s not for social justice activism, but to instead be a part of loving, caring and friendly community.  This community makes them feel safe and a part of something that helps them feel connected and worthy.   GNH has a strong  emotional pull for them.  But many of us, me included, didn’t try to hear or understand those feelings.

Others, who were in favor of the banner, told me stories about parents of color they know who fear for their children when they go out into the world.  A few members have children or grandchildren of color.  These parents worry that some tired, indifferent or angry officer or vigilante citizen will stop, hassle and perhaps harm their child – simply for being black or brown.

Other advocates of the banner talked about their volunteer work with people of color and their poverty, lack of good schools, and scarce opportunities to advance.  On a heart level, these members feel the anguish people of color experience.  They are emotionally invested in the well being of a marginalized group of fellow humans.

What we had, in this one small community, was a discussion that never seemed to explore the feelings of one another such that we could all empathize with how each other FELT – not THOUGHT.  

It’s ony when people feel, not just think, that true change can happen.  Oprah Winfrey once said that its not so much what we say that matters, it’s how we make other people feel that is remembered.

Our empathy does not mean we must intellectually agree with others, but it will mean we must understand them.  And that (!) can lead us us to think with our minds AND our hearts.  That’s the foundation of our spirituality: to view the world with the Unitrian head and the Universalist heart.  When we do that, I believe we can so love one another that we seek win-win solutions – compromises –  that joyfully address the feelings and thoughts of all sides.  With compromise, everybody ends up being heard, understood and valued.

Sadly, we were unable to compromise last year – at least in our voting.  What we did achieve, in a backwards way, is a solution that we now accept and perhaps celebrate.  We have used our street sign to promote social justice for women, native Americans, Jews, Muslims and Black Lives.  We’ll continue to do that for them and others.

Our seeming failure to empathize is something I ironically have empathy for.  Indeed, Black Lives Matter is being discussed in UU churches everywhere and its a discussion our nation continues to have.  We, like most people, are conditioned to form intellectual opinions and be afraid of both our emotions and those of others.  I very much am like that.  I’m more comfortable in my head than I am with my emotions.  It’s understandable that we’re not always understanding.  We can, however,  learn to be quiet and actively listen to each other.  We can conditon our minds to stop analyzing, judging and solving when another speaks.  And we can train our hearts to be open to feel the feelings we hear or sense.  Finally, we can honor the sincere feelings of others such that we want them to win too.

And so for me, resurrection of human society is not just about politcs, activism or charity.  It’s not just about systemic change.  It’s about the resurrection of each person at the most elemental level.  Humanity needs to listen, undertand and not judge each other’s feeliings.  I need, we all need, empathy.