Author: Doug Slagle

(c) Rev. Doug Slagle, The Gathering at Northern Hills, All Rights Reserved.

 

In 1986, the Reverend Bill Schulz, who was President of the Unitarian Universalist Association at the time, commented that many UU’s find Easter to be a difficult and perplexing holiday.  He commented that for Unitarians, observing Easter is a bit like attending a party at which the guest of honor is someone you don’t know.   You’re in a celebratory mood but you’re not quite sure why.

Despite that fact, Reverend Schulz said Unitarian Universalists are learning how to see Easter as more than just a celebration of Spring.  We’re putting an end, he said, to UU Easter sermons that are often titled “Upsy Daisy!”

I’m beginning today a three part message series I’ll continue in April on what prophets from three world religions might teach us.  Appropriate for Easter, today I’ll look at what Jesus and the resurrection story tell us about renewal and change.  In two weeks, I’ll consider the prophet Mohammad and his ethic of salaam or peace.  We’ll here a few thoughts from new attended Sabura Rashad who is a practicing Muslim.  And, in three weeks, we’ll celebrate a condensed version of a Passover Seder meal as we look at Moses and what he taught about three essential freedoms.

For today, in talking about Jesus and Easter, I echo Reverend Schulz’s words that we need not celebrate the holiday as one commemorating actual history – the literal resurrection of Jesus’ body.  Indeed, as I’ve related here before, there has always been differences about how to understand and interpret the Easter story.  Many early Christians believed something entirely different from what most of today’s Christians believe.  In the process of compiling the Bible in 325 BCE, those who believed in a literal resurrection of Jesus’ body won the debate – and it is their beliefs that today comprise majority Christian belief. 

Other early Christians, called the Gnostics, lost the battle over Easter interpretation.  They possessed written accounts of Jesus’ life, like the Gospel of Thomas, which differed from what was included in the Bible.  Gnostics understood that Jesus was crucified, he died……..BUT his body remained permanently dead.  Gnostics believed it was Jesus’ spirit that was resurrected on Easter, NOT his body.  It’s the spirit – the essence of how a person lived and their life legacy – that is what is eternal.

What we must know, therefore, is that there were and are multiple understandings about Easter.   For my purposes today, I believe what is important about Easter is that how Jesus lived and what he taught – the essence of his spirit – did not die with him.  Instead, there was a resurrection and renewal of his core ideas – that God is love, and that people can be like God in how they treat one another.   Instead of worrying about physical death and whether or not Jesus saves souls to spend eternity in heaven, people ought to be more concerned about how they make this world better and whether they love others as much as they love themselves.

The Easter story is therefore a lesson that death may come but how we impact the world endures.  What are our legacies of love and service?  Just as important, what struggles are we overcoming – ones that will be a model for our children to copy?  How are we continually renewing ourselves such that defeats, broken relationships, personal challenges and flaws are buried……….and then resurrected into new lives of wholeness?  That is a primary lesson from the Easter story – the sadness and negativity of Jesus’ death story was transformed into something new and better.

Indeed, Easter is a bit like New Year’s Eve – a time when the old in us can pass away and the new can be reborn.   For this Easter day, how might we resolve to replace sadness with joy, despair with hope, anger with forgiveness, or hatred with love?  What is it in me, what is it in you that needs to be buried and sealed away?  And, in a word, how might we then be…… renewed?

To renew and resurrect ourselves we must first take an honest inventory of our hearts and minds.  What emotion do we mostly feel about life and others?  What emotions lead us in a negative direction?  If we are acting in harmful ways to ourselves or others, what underlies those actions?  Are we angry, hurt, sad, lonely, afraid?  And if so, what is the root cause?  Has someone in the past hurt us or told us we are inadequate?  Have we been abandoned by a loved one?  What causes our fears?  Illness?  Being alone?  Work stress?  Money problems?

Whatever it is that we identify about ourselves that needs to change, we have to move beyond denial and excuses.  That is easier said then done.  But telling the truth to ourselves about our flaws and negative emotions is a liberating experience.  As Jesus taught, truth will set us free.  No longer need we be burdened by trying to hide or suppress any personal struggle.  By self confessing and identifying flaws and hurts, we can find ways to renew ourselves.

There are countless ways to move beyond an inner challenge.  Spiritually, we know that meditation is a huge help in clearing away negative emotions.  Mindfulness is a form of meditation that acknowledges thoughts as they pass through our minds but does not dwell on them and let’s them gently pass out of our thoughts.  Mindfulness then helps build in us a sense of calm because we intentionally do not allow damaging thoughts or emotions to consume our thinking.  Fear, for instance, is an emotion that only has power when it is dwelled upon.   As President Roosevelt famously said, the only thing we have to fear……is fear itself.  Through mindfulness, we can be aware of negative thoughts, but we purposefully choose not to dwell on them as we focus instead on relaxation, breathing, and peace.  In the process, our once negative mindset is renewed.

Prayer, for me, is another form of meditation.  This is not a rote reciting of hopes and desires.  Instead, my practice of prayer is an expression of longing for good in the life of others and in mine.   Like meditation, prayer for me is soothing and a way to renew my mind with hopeful emotions.  Whether I’m angry, sad, or afraid, prayer is a way to communicate with the universe of all things and see life in a larger perspective than my concerns.

Another way to renew ourselves is to forgive.  Many people carry life long anger which has a corrosive affect on their emotions and ways they act.   To forgive is to intentionally let go of angry emotions toward someone who has hurt you.  While one will always remember an offense and it is important to apply appropriate boundaries to be protected from future harm, forgiving another is cleansing to our minds and hearts.  It renews us such that we once again hold gentle thoughts about everyone – even ones who have hurt us. 

Another way to create personal renewal is to regularly engage in acts of generosity.  By working in a soup kitchen or charity, writing a letter of gratitude to someone I know, visiting a friend in the hospital, cooking a meal for a person in need, or quietly listening to someone in distress, I’m able to put in perspective my negative emotions and actions.   It’s ironic, but the act of loving and serving someone else is a path to loving yourself.  It quite simply feels good to act good………and that is a great way to find personal renewal.

I’ve also found that I can re-focus my life by getting outside, taking a long walk, sitting quietly in a garden, or exercising outdoors.  As humans, our tendency is to think of ourselves as above and outside the natural realm.  We live in controlled environments that prevent us from feeling a part of nature.  But when we return to it, when we put ourselves in its midst and allow it to enfold us, we’re reminded of how insignificant we are.  The problems in our lives suddenly become pitifully small.   It’s a humbling experience to walk along a beach and contemplate the vastness of the oceans, or gaze with wonder at a night sky filled with stars and galaxies.  By doing so, by returning to nature and contemplating its beauty, we can find renewal of mind, body and spirit.

Finally, I’m a strong believer in the renewing power of spiritual enlightenment and being a part of a spiritual congregation.  Many of us attend here every Sunday to experience the joys of community and mutual support.  I hope we also attend in order to experience a few moments of transcendence and insight.  Spiritual examination of ourselves and what we can do to improve the world is a way to find meaning and purpose.  It’s also another way to get unstuck from the rut our minds and emotions are often in.  Spirituality, in whatever form, is a window into the eternal – a place that is perfectly true and good.  For me, that is the realm of the divine – or seat of God.   My spirituality is a way to seek that place whether it proves to be a state of my mind, or something beyond my understanding.  I believe each person hungers for moments when they sit in utter wonder about the mysteries of life, love and the universe.  Often, these are powerful and moving experiences.  If we regularly engage in spiritual exploration, personal renewal will follow.

As a minister, I hear about the challenges and struggles many people face.  I’ve talked to some about their nearness to death.  I’ve comforted others who face dying with great fear – who ask me for some assurance they will go to heaven.  I’ve visited the lonely and sad.  I’ve listened to those who feel the weight of life and all its stress.  I’ve heard others talk about the heartache of a broken relationship.  I’ve counseled a few who are caught in a web of substance abuse and addiction through which they see no escape.   Mostly, it seems, I encounter far too many people who hurt.  I realize that life is never easy.

But the amazing thing I find with every challenge I hear about is that people overcome.  In the midst of darkness that seems bleak and devastating, there is always light.  The dying often find a sense of peace and move into eternity with grace.  Those who are angry and bitter usually find a way to do what they once thought impossible – they forgive and come to love those who have hurt them.  The divorced, separated and single find self-confidence and inner peace.  In the process, many find new partners or spouses to love and cherish.  The addicted often hit rock bottom where the only direction they can go is up – and so upward they go by confronting the pain they had tried so hard to numb.  Time and time again, I’m deeply moved by people I know who suffer and yet who renew themselves with determination to live a more meaningful life.

When my mom turned sixty-five, a friend gave her a hand stitched decorative pillow that said on it, “Old age is not for sissies.”  My mom is now living out the reality of that expression.  In truth, however, that pillow might as well have said, “Life is not for sissies.”  Indeed it is not.  The Easter story, whether myth or actual history, is one that teaches a profound lesson.  Out of the depths of despair, from the valley of the shadow of death, there is always hope……after hope…….after everlasting hope.  We are each Easter people – bloodied and challenged – but never defeated and always, always renewing and growing.

I wish us all, this Easter Day, much peace and joy! 

(c) Doug Slagle, Minister to the Gathering at Northern Hills, A Unitarian Universalist Community, All Rights Reserved

 

On the night before he was assassinated, April 4th, 1968, Martin Luther King, Jr. spoke to striking workers with the Memphis, Tennessee Black Public Workers Union.  Equal to his civil rights efforts, King was an anti-war advocate.  He strongly opposed the Viet Nam war.  That position was in keeping with his views about non-violence.

To the striking public service workers, who were angry and restless about their mistreatment, King implored them to continue their peaceful strike.  He said, “It is no longer a choice between violence and nonviolence in this world……….it’s nonviolence or nonexistence. That is where we are today.” Sadly, his words that night still resonate today.  We live in a violent and nasty world where the most innocent among us, our children, are daily slaughtered in wars, in our homes, schools and streets.

I’m today concluding my March message series using topic suggestions from a few members.  Today, we’ll consider the subject of guns, violence and spirituality.  This is a topic recommended to me several months ago by new member Johannes Bjorner.  In a little while, I’ll invite Johannes to join me for an interview discussion about gun control.  But first, I want to frame the topic from a spiritual perspective.

Finishing his speech to the Memphis Public workers, King said, “We’ve got some difficult days ahead.  But it really doesn’t matter with me now, because I’ve been to the mountaintop … And God’s allowed me to go up to the mountain.  And I’ve looked over, and I’ve seen the Promised Land.  I may not get there with you.  But I want you to know tonight that we, as a people, will get to the promised land.”

His prophetic words that seemed to predict his death have been interpreted to be a vision for a world free of racism.  Comparing himself to the Biblical Moses, King however aspired to an even greater vision for a world united not just by equality – but also by peace.  Such a paradise is one dreamed by humans since the dawn of their existence – an Eden like world of love and tranquility.  Unlike most religious figures, King talked about a peaceful earth that people create – and not an other-worldly heaven only God can build. 

In that regard, King implored the striking workers to demand their rights non-violently.  His words echoed appeals he made years earlier for civil rights protesters to march against white oppressors not with anger……………..but with peace and prayers for white redemption.

These were the ethics that defined his life.  Much like Jesus and Gandhi……….Martin Luther King appealed for people to first cleanse their hearts of bitterness.  We cannot oppose oppression, we cannot denounce injustice, we cannot speak against prejudice if we harbor angry emotions.

And while it might seem like a Kum-bah-yah idea to dream of a peaceful world that might never exist, it is precisely the ethic of non-violence and love for enemies that must preface any talk about gun control.

Indeed, when we consider the topic of guns, why do people choose to own them – besides for hunting or target practice?  People and nations own guns and weapons because of their fears.  While legitimate fear is a rational response to the dangerous world in which we live, it is nevertheless an emotion rooted in primitive desires to survive at the expense of others.

But reason and experience tells us there is a better way.   Survival of the strongest is a dog eat dog ideology.  It’s a zero sum game.  Nobody wins.  Everybody loses.  Alternatively, cooperation and collaboration are proven to be better ways not just for a few to survive, but for all to thrive.

When we consider owning guns for self-defense, we are ultimately saying we put trust in our fears……….and not in our more rational aspirations to love.  Yes, guns may be a necessary evil until the dream of a peaceful promised land is realized, but we ought to at least admit that fact.  Owning a gun and financing military forces are admissions of human failure.

If that is the case, and if we truly desire to grow and learn, we must each strive to practice non-violence in our daily lives.  We must work to reduce our reliance on guns and other weapons for personal and national protection.  We should work for universal disarmament – even as impractical as that may seem.  It’s not just because guns kill and maim.  It’s because they represent the darkness within us – the fear, hatred and anger we have toward others.  If every person woke up tomorrow and harbored only love and cooperative attitudes for all people, weapons and armies would immediately be obsolete.  They would be seen as symbolically evil things to forever be eliminated.

This hope for a peaceful world is one expressed by the Biblical prophet Isaiah in the quote at the inside top of your programs.  His words were an assurance to ancient Jews that, despite centuries of conflict and oppression they had endured,  they must not despair.  No matter how illusive, no matter how impractical, humans must hope, pray and work for a world of peace where weapons will indeed be turned into plowshares, where disagreements are resolved peacefully, where people always speak and act toward one another not with arrogance or vengeance, but with gentleness and forgiveness.

Despite holding such beliefs, and despite my own efforts to practice non-violence, I instead find myself angry at those who oppose rational gun control.  I get angry with those who are not kind or considerate.  I’m often filled with scorn for those who deeply offend me, who hold different political views, who are criminals, terrorists or hate mongers.  As much as I spoke against making assumptions about others last Sunday, I too often assume that intolerant people are ignorant, evil and not worth my concern.  I fail to practice what I preach.

And yet (!!) the breath taking teaching from Jesus, Gandhi and Martin Luther King is that I must let go of anger and scorn and, instead, turn my other cheek.  I must refuse to act or speak in anger towards anyone.  I must forgive and let go of desires for vengeance.  Everything I do must be gentle and kind.  Indeed, the powerful lesson of Jesus’ crucifixion and of King’s martyrdom is one that Paul wrote in his First Corinthian Biblical letter:  God uses the weak things of this world to defeat the seemingly strong.  At Jesus’ and King’s weakest moment, as life blood seeped from their broken bodies, they were at their most powerful.

Blessed are the meek, the poor in spirit, the stranger and the marginalized.  The bullies, tyrants and demagogues of the world flaunt their illusory power as they spew hate filled words and advocate violence.  But they are ultimately weak, insecure and destined for the ash heap of history.  As Jesus taught and Martin Luther King dreamed, peace and joy and love will always prevail.

It may seem I preach to the so-called choir in this message – and in many others – but the sad truth is that we each hold anger, fear and intolerance in our hearts.   Do we advocate non-violence and more gun control laws?  Good for us!  But we must put such attitudes into practice in how we live.  To our partners, spouses, children, colleagues, fellow church members and strangers on the street, we must always be winsome and gentle people.  We must guard what we say and use instead words of understanding, kindness and diplomacy.

The path of non-violence must begin with us.  No bitterness.  No anger.  No name calling.  No speech or opinion that hurts another.   We must model to our children ways of dealing with their anger that does not resort to verbal or physical violence.  We must champion the peacemakers in our midst – those who speak calmly, those who lift up and never tear down, those who speak opinions with kindness, those who do not live in fear but work and speak in love.

Guns are crude tools in which we too often put our trust.  We trust that they will protect us.  Instead, we find the opposite.  Guns kill thousands every day.  In truth, however, it is the darkness within the human heart – the fears, hatreds, angry thoughts, arrogance and unforgiving attitudes – that kills people.  I believe strongly in what Johannes Bjorner will soon discuss – that reasonable gun control is a prudent step in building a world of peace.  But, BUT, we must first build peace and love inside ourselves – in how we think, speak and act – before we might ever hope to control guns and violence. 

And with that, I invite Johannes Bjorner to join me for why he suggested this topic and why it is so meaningful to him.  (There is no written text of the interview.  Please listen to it on the above audio file.)

Rev. Doug’s Comments at his Installment Ceremony on March 6, 2016

Many of you may recall that in Pope Francis’ comments – just after he’d been selected Pope – he made an unusual request.  He asked the large crowd to pray for him.

At first, the request came across as arrogant.  But Pope Francis’ implied message to the world was that he would not act as a high and mighty religious figure.  Instead, he was just another person in need of prayer.  More importantly, his plea implied that the people – and not just the priests, Bishops or Pope – the people are equally able to pray for and minister to others.

While I am certainly no Pope, I echo Francis’ sentiments.  Your choice of me as your minister is a great honor and responsibility.  It’s not one that I accept as your spiritual superior, however.  Instead, I accept this role because of an inward sense I’ve had for over fifteen years that being a minister is my way to give back.  But it is no different then the inner sense any of you have to be a parent, grandparent, nurse, teacher, social worker, engineer, whatever.  We each work and give back in ways that capture our passions and skills.

In doing so, we are each ministers.  I get to be called by that title but it is definitely not an exclusive designation for a small set of supposedly spiritual persons.  Each of you are ministers to countless people and I encourage you to see yourselves in that light.  How do we each contribute to making humanity and the world better?

I offer these comments most pointedly to the youth here today – especially to the teenagers who will soon take their place as leaders in our society.  Each of you young people are ministers.  You are powerful influencers and opinion shapers and care givers.

Our world desperately needs us all to be ministers in the sense that everybody yearns to find meaning and happiness in life.  We each strive to elevate the human condition and build a human family that cares for all of its members.   That is why we are here as Unitarian Universalists.

More than ever we need millions of ministers – every person – to advocate for and then practice values of love, inspiration, and mercy.  To the teens in this room, go out into your schools, clubs and sports teams  and be advocates for peace, for diversity, for befriending and championing all kids – especially those on the margins: the bullied, different, friendless, weak, black, immigrant, gay, lesbian, trans, goth, nerd, whatever. 

To us adults, the principle is the same.  Our secular world needs to be  reminded of eternal spiritual truths.  We each have the opportunity to bring people together, to point the way to living a purpose filled life, to extend hands of opportunity and respect, to inspire and to love.

I gratefully and humbly accept the work you’ve offered me to be the minister to the Gathering at Northern Hills.  But I do so with the acknowledgement that I am one among equals – no better, perhaps worse, than any of you. 

As a spiritual Community, we are like ancient people who gather around a bonfire, hold hands of communal support, and gaze out into a starry night and ask each other: What? Why? How? I know we will continue to ask such questions as ministers together.  And, please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I will strive to do the same for you.

I wish you peace and joy…

(c) Rev. Doug Slagle and The Gathering at Northern Hills, All Rights Reserved

Three of this month’s Sunday messages will have come, in part, from some of our members.  Last week we heard an excellent message from Cheryl Leksan as she reminded us that it’s beneficial to empower ourselves.  We must engage in a kind of pay it forward method of serving others.  Take care of yourself first so you can then take care of others.  Next week, we’l consider violence and gun rights – a topic suggested by Johannes Bjorner who has personally experienced the horrors of guns and warfare.

Today’s message topic comes from Chris Adamson, a member of the old Gathering, who won last years auction bidding to choose a Sunday message theme.  Chris was engaged in fierce bidding with another member to win this amazing privilege.  If my memory is correct, she finally won the prize with a bid of $1.27.  The other person, for some reason, refused to go over $1.25!

I encouraged Chris to choose a topic that deeply resonates with her – one that intersects with her life interests.  After some thought, Chris indicated that throughout her life she has witnessed in herself and in others the peril of making assumptions.  Too often, thoughtful people are trapped by their flawed beliefs.  Without even being aware of mistaken assumptions, people proceed to live according to beliefs that are simply wrong.  As we know, a fact is an assertion of a thing that exists or is already done.  An assumption, however, is supposing something without proof.  It is taking something for granted as true when it has not been proven. 

For instance, when I – along with many of you – began to first explore the idea of a merger, I did a lot of research not on Unitarian Universalist beliefs, which I mostly knew, but on UU culture.  I ran across many UU jokes that seemed to all be based on a similar premise.  One of the jokes was:    How many Unitarian Universalists does it take to change a light bulb?  There are three possible answers.  1) There is no fixed number of UU’s needed to change a light bulb BUT, the committee to change a light bulb must have a quorum.  2) It doesn’t require any UU’s to change a light bulb since UU’s accept a light bulb the way it is.  Or, 3) It doesn’t require any UU’s to change a bulb because UU’s are not afraid of the dark.

A second joke also concerned me.  Arguing with a Unitarian Universalist, it seems, is a lot like mud wrestling with a pig.  Pretty soon you realize the pig likes it.

It’s often said that comedy and tragedy are based on false assumptions.  Romeo committed suicide because he assumed Juliet was dead when she had only fainted.  I initially assumed, on the basis of a few jokes, that Unitarian Universalists love lots of committees, lots of talking and lots of argument. 

Fortunately, my first experiences here gave me the opposite impression.  And that has continued to be the case.  I’ve found people here are passionate about what they believe but no more so than anyone else.  UU churches have committees but no more than many other organizations and churches.  Indeed, the willingness to collaborate and cooperate is strong here – and in other Unitarian groups I’ve joined.  I was with a group of ten UU ministers this past Tuesday to talk about issues facing local congregations.  It could have been a day of endless talking by Unitarians and ministers – since both supposedly like to talk a lot.  Instead, there was brief and orderly discussion and no argument.  All were polite and did a lot of listening.  The same holds true for our Gathering at Northern Hills Board.  It’s held only three votes in the nearly one year I’ve participated with it.  But it has made many, many important decisions.  On every issue, the Board reached a consensus that broadly reflected everyone’s opinion.  Disagreements were listened to, acknowledged and used to make decisions even better.

The pleasant truth for me is that UU’s are, in reality, nothing like the jokes and stereotypes.  There are some unique distinctions but, overall, UU’s act according to their beliefs – to respect the dignity of and listen to every person. 

And this relatively benign example is played out in situations of far greater consequence. 

Marriages and relationships are regularly damaged by false assumptions one partner makes about the actions of their loved one.  A partner doesn’t surprise the other with small gifts anymore.  Therefore, he or she must not be in love anymore, etc, etc.    Businesses routinely make elaborate sales plans based on false assumptions about what consumers want.  Wars have been fought based entirely on assumptions that later proved mistaken – like the belief that Iraq’s Saddam Hussein had a stockpile of chemical and nuclear weapons.

Our nation struggles with assumptions and stereotypes made about other races, religions, sexualities and genders that not only demean millions of people, but diminish the valuable contributions they could offer.  Police officers kill innocent, unarmed African-Americans based entirely on false assumptions – that all black men are violent, have criminal intentions or are up to no good.  Large numbers of our population, including a candidate for President, demean Muslims based on the false assumption that Islam is a violent religion focused on killing non-believers.  Many of us look the other way when we encounter a homeless person by assuming he or she is an addict or simply lazy.  We often assume the problem with  people who suffer is their own making.  They lack work ethic or are immoral.  And it blacks or the poor do succeed in life, we attribute it to luck or by getting unfair advantage.

Psychologists say that stereotypes and assumptions are mental heuristics – short cuts in thinking that are made to save time.  People assume and generalize things based on limited facts in order to make sense of a complex world.  We categorize, jump to conclusions, fail to see nuance or we mind read all in order to deal with an often unknowable world.  Humans do so because we’ve been programed by survival instincts to think and react quickly.  We take mental short cuts.  It takes too long, for instance, to investigate whether or not a particular snake is dangerous.  We’ve seen people die from snake bites – so many people, like me, stereotype and fear all snakes.

More than that, humans have found that their survival depends on combining into cooperative groups.  But our cooperation does not extend to people who are outside our group.  Indeed, psychologists have shown that people closely identify with people in their own family, city, ethnicity, religion, church, gender, or sexual orientation.  But they fear and compete with people in other groups.

We tend to see great differences between our group and other groups – even though differences are usually minimal.  Irish Catholics and Protestants have fought bloody battles for centuries over small differences in religious belief, even though both groups are Christian.  Sunni and Shia Muslims despise one another over differing beliefs about who rightfully succeeded Muhammad – even though both groups see him as the messenger of God.

In our own nation, racist assumptions still linger even though differences between blacks and whites are remarkably small.  Over 75% of all African-Americans living today have white ancestry.  Substantial portions of their genes come from whites – a legacy of white slave owners raping female slaves.  Hatred towards African-Americans by some whites is, therefore, animosity towards their own relatives. 

Such hatreds are the product of group identity.  We categorize each other into groups while believing that only those within our particular group are good.  We often demonize those in other groups as inferior and less intelligent.

In that regard, experts say that making stereotypical assumptions directly results from egotism.  Experts indicate that group chauvinism results from a lack of self-esteem.  If a group or individual is at peace with itself, assumptions about others are much lower.  But, when a group or individual’s self-esteem is threatened, false assumptions and prejudice are higher.  That was the case with the rise of Hitler in 1920’s and 1930’s Germany after it’s humiliating defeat in World War One.  Nazi hatred toward Jews was an explicit way to boost German self-esteem.  The hateful bombast of Hitler belied the deep insecurity in him – and in many of his supporters. 

I believe we are witnessing a similar trend today.   As demographic diversity in the U.S. increases, some white, straight males feel threatened economically and socially.  They are no longer at the apex of society.  As their self esteem is assaulted, many react in hateful ways toward blacks, immigrants, Muslims, women and homosexuals  It is a common attitude to tear down another in order to somehow feel better about oneself.

Challenging assumptions we make is a difficult process , however.  Each of us make assumptions without even realizing we are doing so.  Experts, however, offer two primary ways to challenge them.

Before acting on an assumption, we should first conduct a pre-mortem, a pre-autopsy, to discover facts.  That is, we should critically examine our assumptions.  The next time any of us have a disagreement with a romantic partner, for instance, we should stop and think of the assumptions we are making about the other.  We can do so by looking for weak spots in our thinking.  We can undertake fact finding by learning opposing thoughts.  We should think as if our assumption is wrong and then list all the arguments that will prove it wrong.  And, we must intentionally move outside our group and get to know people in other groups.

This task involves much greater communication with one another.  With our romantic partners, fellow church members, and friends of other races and religions, we must engage in honest conversation – seeking to listen and even adopt their arguments – all for the sake of eliminating false assumptions.

Second, we must reject a black and white, good and bad thinking about other people.  As I discussed in a January message on the merits of the color grey, truth lies somewhere between two opposite extremes.  To avoid making false assumptions, we must look for grey zone similarities in people instead of categorizing them according to perceived differences. 

As an example, Christians, Jews and Muslims should be known for how they are alike.  Each honors the same creator God.  Each recognizes Abraham as the father of their religion.  Each advocates charity towards all people.  Each establishes the Golden Rule as the primary ethic for a moral life.  Their core, foundational beliefs and values are the same.    

Likewise, the many races that comprise humanity are rapidly blending.  We are truly becoming one human race.  In 1980, less than 5% of all marriages were interracial.  Today, nearly 20% are and that percentage increases annually.  Anthropologists say that we are moving toward a world with one race much like the olive skinned people of Brazil who are a three-way blend of black, native, and white.

And, to further my point, human sexual orientation in most people has also been shown to be remarkably similar and fluid.  Most millennials cannot understand why there are categories of orientation that override the simple idea of affection between consenting adults.  As Unitarian Universalists affirm, we stand on the side of love – a unifying spiritual ethic that all religions promote.

Finding what unites instead of what falsely divides is thus an essential value.  Jesus practiced this by intentionally reaching out to women, children, the diseased, the poor, the sinner, the criminal, the Jew and the non-Jew.  He moved beyond stereotypes to see one’s inherent humanity and, like Mother Teresa said about the poor whom she served, he saw the face of God in every person.

The Buddha taught the same.  The path to enlightenment is to let of go of selfish thinking and desires.  We must be caring and gentle toward our selves, as Cheryl Leksan encouraged last week.  BUT, that is only the means to a more important end: we must love and serve others without prejudice.

Interestingly, core Islamic belief promotes this ethic.  Allah, the Quran says, sees no differences between people.  We are his children and Allah sees only our hearts.  This is why, when pilgrims travel to Mecca and circle the Kaaba – the focal point of Allah’s earthly presence – each person wears a simple white garment recognizing that there is neither male, female, rich, poor, white, black, young or old.  A beautiful tapestry of humanity from all over the world gathers together.  In the presence of all that Muslims believe is good and divine in the world, there is an assumption free zone of one human family.  In our homes, workplaces, churches and cities, we must create the same.

   

        

      

Dr. Richard Sears, who presented a message at GNH on meditation and mindfulness in the fall of 2014, speaks in the below audio recording about Buddhism. Dr. Sears is a clinical psychologist, ordained Zen Buddhist teacher and the author of six books, including Mindfulness: Living through Challenges and Enriching your Life in this Moment; and Perspectives on Spirituality and Religion in Psychotherapy. For more information, visit his web site at www.psych-insights.com.

Click here to listen to the message:

  GNH member Cheryl Leksan, a SuperMom, SuperNurse, SuperTeacher, overall SuperWoman and a professor of nursing at Xavier University, presents a talk titled “What’s Your Kryptonite?” Following up on her Sunday message last year on resilience, Cheryl shares what it means to be a “Superman/Superwoman” and how to identify the things in your life that might be sapping your power.

Click here to listen to Cheryl’s message:

(c) Doug Slagle, The Gathering at Northern Hills, A Unitarian Universalist Community, All Rights Reserved

 

The recent deaths of Sandra Bland, Eric Garner, Trayvon Martin, Sam Dubose, Tamir Rice, and Walter Scott, at the hands of white police officers, have made it starkly clear that racism in our nation is alive and well.  Almost all were killed in disregard for their civil and human rights.

As a spiritual matter, this issue of racial violence perpetrated against innocents has been discussed from this pulpit many times.  Since I’ve been minister, we’ve grieved and searched our souls over this issue.  From mourning the murders at a Charleston AME church, to Sunday celebrations of African culture or John Brown by Ray Nandyal, to lamenting attacks against immigrants, to discussing the subject of white privilege, to celebrating the legacy of Martin Luther King, Jr. and Reverend WHG Carter, to Howard Tolley’s guest message last month on ways to address racism, we’ve not ignored the subject.

And we will continue to speak about this evil in our culture.  Just two weeks ago, the 2016 Academy Award nominations were announced.  There were zero major nominations for any film dealing with black culture or featuring African-American actors.  Not one actor of color, Director of color, black screenwriter or songwriter was nominated for an Oscar even though there were many excellent ones to choose from.  The award is essentially irrelevant when it ignores the work of so many for reasons that appear to be racist.

This follows last year’s similar nominations of almost all white films and actors. As an industry that is hailed as highly progressive, Hollywood reveals itself to be no better on matters of race than the rest of America.  And so, as a part of my Hollywood Spirituality series this month to look at Oscar nominated films and how they might inspire, I chose the film “Straight Outta Compton” for discussion today precisely because it was NOT nominated for an Academy Award even though it was both commercially and critically successful.  Indeed, I think it a much better film – and socially more important  – than “The Revenant” which I discussed last Sunday.

I have to confess, however, that “Straight Outta Compton” is not a film I saw when it was first released last August.  I doubt many in this room saw it at that time either.  Rap music and its artists don’t interest me, I told myself.  It’s not that I’m racist, I reassured myself.  It’s just a matter of my personal taste.  And yet, that’s not entirely true.  I remember seeing promotions for the movie with its depictions of gangster rap, violence, sexism and profanity and I immediately concluded the movie was not for me. It does not depict a slice of life that is relevant to me.  And in those statements that I told myself are, in truth, my own latent racism.

Let’s take a look now at the promotional trailer to “Straight Outta Compton” and as you watch it, think about your reactions to what is depicted.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rsbWEF1Sju0

The film is a biopic about members of one of the original rap groups, NWA, which stands for “Negroes with Attitude”.  Rising out of a 1980’s Los Angeles inner city environment of drugs, gangs and crime, three young men, stage named Eazy-E, Dr. Dre, and Ice Cube, find they have a musical voice that speaks to young, inner city blacks.  Their first songs are filled with anger at the lack of opportunity, police harassment, incarceration and blighted schools in their community.  NWA songs have a thumping beat that pounds with the rage felt about injustice.  Their songs are purposefully political.  They gave a voice to millions of marginalized black youth across the US, including here in Cincinnati, where NWA performed a sold out concert in 1988 at the Coliseum. 

Ironically, NWA’s gangsta rap style began to thrill white suburban youth who had no understanding of black oppression but who loved the raucous sounds and lyrics railing against police power and other authority figures.   Here’s a sample from NWA’s most famous – and notorious song – “F” tha’ Police:”  (And I’ve replaced some words here which is not meant to judge them):

A young brotha got it bad ’cause I’m brown

And not the other color so police think.

They have the authority to kill a minority.

“F” that stuff, ’cause I ain’t the one for

a punk mother-f with a badge and a gun

to be beatin’ on, and thrown in jail.

We can go toe to toe in the middle of a cell,

‘f-in’ with me cause I’m a teenager,

with a little bit of gold and a pager.

Searchin’ my car, lookin’ for the products.

Thinkin’ every brotha is sellin’ narcotics.

Performing similar songs, the group became hugely successful and hugely controversial.  Tipper Gore, wife of Vice-President Al Gore, spoke before Congress against NWA and its profanity laced songs.  Before a concert in Detroit, the police warned band members to not perform songs demeaning police or using profanity.  NWA sang their signature song anyway and they were promptly arrested.  White protest groups across the country also reacted against NWA with boycotts and record smashing.

Arguments over money and fame eventually split the group apart.  Members finally stood up against white managers and recording executives who had exploited them.  Violence, sex and drugs affected them.  Tragedy hit a few of them.  Ultimately, however, they earned hard won victories of self-empowerment, ownership of their music, great financial reward, and a legacy of activism against police and racism that is still relevant.   

The challenge I have in my message is how to suggest a spiritual ethic we might gain from the film.  Indeed, “Straight Outta Compton” speaks for itself on many levels and it is not for me, especially with regard to racism, to suggest how to correct it.  I am a strong believer that whites should listen more than opine about how to fix racism.  As perpetrators of discrimination, intentional or not, our obligation is to fix ourselves.  Beyond that, we must listen to the victims of oppression and follow their lead in how to address the issue.

But if whites are to fix themselves, they can begin by understanding and appreciating African-American culture – including rap music.  We should look beyond the vulgarity, celebration of sex, and palpable rage in many rap songs to find, instead, the core message of anger and frustration.  Rap has been criticized by many whites as homophobic, exploitive of women, and overly violent.  And the movie does not hide those dimensions of NWA and rap in general.

But Dr. Dre and Eazy-E replied to their critics that while they were like journalists who reveal truth, their songs highlight white privilege and discrimination that motivates the angry and profane aspects of the genre.  I’m not a psychologist, but the emasculation of black young men by white police officers, through constant harassment and incarceration, likely gives rise to hyper masculinity in rap and its fans.  The film clearly depicts this fact.  The NWA band was, at one point, confronted and demeaned by white LA police officers outside their studio.  They were slapped, forced to lie on the ground, taunted and referred to as “boys.”  In response, Eazy-E immediately returned to their recording studio and wrote their most famous song “F tha Police”.   The historic debasement of black men by whites has clearly helped nurture their anger AND their sometimes aggression and misogyny.  It’s whites, not them, who are thus responsible.

But rap artists channel their rage not with physical violence but with musical poetry to inspire and give voice to deep rooted feelings.  Misogyny and homophobia are not attitudes to be excused but, in black culture, they are caused by white marginalization of black men.  More important, the angry songs of NWA and those by contemporary black rap artists like Kendrick Lamar, whose song ‘Alright’ is now considered the anthem of Black Lives Matter, their songs both inform and incite.  Last Monday night Lamar performed “Alright” at the Grammy awards set to a background of pounding tribal drums and a screen image of Africa burning with the word ‘Compton’ superimposed on it.  His point was clear: contemporary racism is a form of modern slavery.  Here’s a sample of the song’s lyrics – again with a few words changed:

When you know, we been hurt, been down before, brotha,

When my pride was low, lookin’ at the world like, “where do we go, brotha?”

And we hate Popo, wanna kill us dead in the street for sure, brotha. 

I’m at the preacher’s door, my knees gettin’ weak and my gun might blow…….but we gon’ be alright.

Brotha, we gon’ be alright

Brotha, we gon’ be alright

We gon’ be alright

Do you hear me, do you feel me? We gon’ be alright.

Kendrick Lamar, one of today’s most popular rap artists, follows directly in the footsteps of NWA and the story of “Straight Outta Compton.”  His art is political, social protest speech.

In that regard, many of us can look to rap as instructive for how we can appropriately channel anger in our lives.  Rap is an expression of resistance, power and protest.  It’s an angry but productive response to the war on black young men that is fought with police killings and high rates of black incarceration, highlighted in the book The New Jim Crow.   As a white man, I know these forms of discrimination to be true and yet, if I am honest with myself, rap music and its anger are subliminally threatening.

In truth, rap is threatening to me and others because it threatens white privilege.  But, rap and hip hop are part of the evolution of African-American musical responses to racism.  Like jazz and early rock and roll, rap is a uniquely American – and black – musical genre.  But unlike those two musical forms, rap is specifically intended to inspire and to demand.  But rap is not a bloody revolution in the streets.  Rap songs like those highlighted in ‘Straight Outta Compton” channel black anger in a productive way – much like all art is designed to provoke.  Indeed, I don’t want to sound patronizing, but rap is a form of Scripture designed to poetically motivate its listeners.

Like jazz and rock and roll, rap has also been eagerly adopted by white youth and, some say, often sanitized of overly angry lyrics.  Statistics show that 80% of those who now purchase rap music are white suburban teenagers.  Hip hop and rap are cool.  They’re innovative, subversive, sensual and anti-authoritarian – all things that resonate with young people – black or white.

It’s in that light that I believe we can understand both African-American anger and their culture – through rap music.  It is up to me and other whites to examine our own hearts, in response to the racism that we know is real, to learn about, empathize with and ultimately appreciate black culture – and rap is one piece of that.  In doing so, I can better understand the visceral pain African-Americans feel.

I also challenge us as Unitarians to examine our Sunday services in the light of African-American Sunday worship and music.  UU services can be more open, more emotion filled, more loose, more multi-cultural.  In doing so, we might help bridge the Sunday racial divide.  It’s imperative we find multiple ways to honestly empathize with black feelings, to figuratively put ourselves in their shoes and feel the sting of racial harassment, the shame of inferior schools, the dread a parent feels for a son’s safety at the hands of police, or the soul draining pain of hate directed one’s way simply for the amount of melanin in one’s skin.  Rap and other forms of African-American culture, like their styles of worship, if really listened to and borrowed from, can show whites the existential pain – and pride- of being black and why, indeed, black lives matter.

My message series this month using films to look at spiritual themes might seem trivial to some.  One member sincerely told me the series comes across as similar to the image of playing a fiddle while Rome burns.  I welcome such comments.  But my hope is that we see movies – and rap music – much like we do other forms of artistic expression – as powerful in their ability to inspire, instruct and motivate.

It might seem like a stretch, but I believe the three films I chose to discuss this month are thematically linked.  The film ‘Inside Out’ asks us to look at our emotions and see them as useful if we maintain them within appropriate boundaries.  The movie ‘Revenant’ suggests we can find redemption in how we treat others – with open and unconditional love that transcends hate and insult.  ‘Straight Outta Compton’ brings those two themes together.  The justifiable anger depicted in the film of young black rap artists is powerful, appropriate and real.  And our response to such heartfelt emotions must be to listen, understand and unconditionally love.

If rap is honestly listened to, we will find universal spiritual expression against injustice consistent with the words of Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr.  Rap music won’t cure the ills of racism alone but listening to and understanding it is one way for me and other whites to address subconscious racism and see, instead, one’s inner reality.  No white person can fully understand the hurt of racism and ways they are responsible for it, but viewing the film ‘Straight Outta Compton’ and listening to the rap music it showcases are worthy ways to begin an empathy effort.   

I wish you peace and joy………………as I also now welcome your thoughts about my message and topic today.

(c) Doug Slagle, The Gathering at Northern Hills, A Unitarian Universalist Community, All Rights Reserved

 

There are two well known stories in the Bible about fathers and sons that are often retold to teach spiritual concepts.  One is from the Jewish Torah, and the other is from the New Testament.  The Torah story is about Abraham who is considered the father of Judaism.  After settling in the area we know as Israel, Abraham and his wife Sarah were happy and prosperous.  One night, as the story goes, God spoke to Abraham and told him that he will be the patriarch of God’s chosen people – the Jews.  God assures Abraham that just as there are millions of stars in the night sky, so too will be the number of his descendants – the people of Israel.

This promise from God, however, belied one aspect of Abraham’s life.  He and Sarah were both at advanced ages and had been unable to conceive a child.  After a number of odd twists to the story – like Abraham having a child through a servant  – he and Sarah eventually do have a son – Isaac.  And both knew that it will be through Isaac that the Jewish people and nation will come. 

But God later tests Abraham’s faith by asking that he sacrifice – kill – Isaac on the top of a mountain.  Abraham is shocked but he does not question God.  He does as he is told and leads Isaac to the mountain, ties his arms and legs and raises a dagger to kill his only son – the one who represented God’s promise.

God however quickly tells Abraham to put the dagger down – that this was only a test.  For Christians and Jews, the story is confirmation that Abraham was a great spiritual figure – a man who had total faith in God far beyond his love for a long desired son.  To me and many other commentators, however, the story is unfathomable.  If God is love, as the Bible says, then this story tells us we must honor that God by forsaking the very real love that a parent has for a child.  That is cruel and inconsistent logic.

A contrasting Biblical story about a father and son is from the New Testament.  It’s the parable of the Prodigal Son. In it, Jesus describes a father with two sons.  One son is obedient, loyal and hard working.  The other son is self-focused and a playboy.  This son asks his father one day to receive his inheritance in advance – before his dad dies.  The father, out of love for his son, agrees.  And the son promptly takes the money, moves to the city and squanders it on wine, women and other debauchery.

This son eventually finds himself so poor that he is forced to scrounge with pigs for food scraps.  As a Jew, he could not fall any lower.   The son decides to return to his father and throw himself at his mercy.

As the boy is walking back to the family farm, and before he pleads for mercy, his dad recognizes him a long way off and is overjoyed.  He runs to his wayward son, smothers him with tears of joy and hugs, and commands his other son to prepare a feast for the returning prodigal.  Despite the impudence of a son who demanded his inheritance early, who broke one of the Ten Commandments by dishonoring a parent, who led a wastrel life, the dad did not care.  His love for the boy was so great.

Jesus told this as a lesson and not as a true story.  As such, I love the tale.  It speaks of the kind of love most of us rarely offer another – a love so powerful that it overcomes any hurt or offense.  It’s a love so pure that Jesus pointedly said that it is how God feels about us and that we are to show others.  Love without prejudice.  Love with forgiveness and no judgement.  Love unconditionally.  It’s a perfect story for Valentine’s Day.

I begin my message with these two stories because they highlight the bigger ideal I hope to convey by examining one of this year’s Oscar nominated films – part of my February series to consider Hollywood spirituality.  I looked last Sunday at the Disney animated film “Inside Out” and the topic of Emotional Intelligence.  Today, I look at the movie “Revenant” and the idea of redemption.  For me, it is a good movie – one that also examines a father / son relationship and the idea that love is a purifying and redemptive force.  Let’s take a look at the promotional trailer for the film…https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoebZZ8K5N0

As you just saw, “Revenant” is cinematically beautiful but it is intense and full of violence and bloodshed.  It tells the true story of Hugh Glass, a fur trapper who lived and worked in the unexplored west of the early 1800’s.  After his fur trapping party was attacked by Native-Americans, Glass and a few others narrowly escaped.  They were forced to walk overland to the nearest fort.  While he was out hunting one day, Glass was attacked and horribly mauled by a bear.  His fellow trappers must then carry him.  They soon find that task impossible and decide to leave him behind with his son and two trappers who are to tend him until he is better or a rescue party can return. 

One of the two trappers resented the care-taking assignment, killed Glass’ son, and then buried Glass alive in order to abandon him.  But Glass survived and the majority of the movie then shows how he miraculously made his way back to civilization despite horrific injuries and lack of food or winter clothing.  I won’t describe the many ordeals he endured but they are harrowing and not for the faint of heart.

The film, like the two Biblical stories I earlier related, teaches a spiritual lesson.  Indeed, the word ‘revenant’ is defined as a person who returns from the dead.  The film’s director, Alejandro Inarritu, intended for Glass to be a type of Jesus by his astounding ability to survive grievous wounds, being buried alive, and the ravages of nature.  Lesser persons would have given up and died.  Glass did not.

In the end, he achieves a kind of spiritual epiphany and resurrection.  Like the Jesus of Bible stories, Glass endures his own torture and figurative crucifixion, he’s betrayed by a friend, he’s buried in a grave and yet he not only comes back from near death, he’s redeemed in the process.

Redemption is thus a strong theme in the film much like it is in the two contrasting Bible stories I described.  Redemption as a concept is one shared by many world religions and, indeed, by humans in general.  For Christians, redemption is about salvation – how a person is changed from being a supposed sinner into one who is right with God through a belief in Jesus and his resurrection.  For Jews, redemption speaks of salvation of them as a people – their exodus escape from Egyptian slavery, their Hanukah victory over a foreign enemy and their recent revival as a nation after the horrors of the Holocaust.  For Muslims, one achieves redemption through dedication to Allah and his requirements for regular prayer, charitable gifts and other obligations.  For Buddhists, a person is redeemed when they are able to let go of worldly desires and find instead peaceful contentment.

For us as Unitarian Universalists, I believe there is a path to redemption which is highlighted in the “Revenant” film and in the story of the Prodigal Son – one contrasted against religious ideas of redemption as told in the story of Abraham.  And that underlines my theology and spiritual outlook.

God is not an outside force that regulates our lives and determines our eternal destiny.  God is within us and is, indeed, us.  God is you and god is me.  We, we (!) are figurative gods and goddesses who have the ability to both redeem ourselves and redeem our world.  As part of all nature, we are no more special than other forms of creation but we do have unique capabilities to grow and change, to love and nurture, to sacrifice and serve, and thus build a better world.  It is in this sense that we are symbolically but not literally holy and divine.

In the Prodigal Son story, the father did not follow Scripture or religious rules to determine his loving response to a wayward son.  Indeed, according to Jewish law, he should have disowned the boy for dishonoring him.  He certainly should not have welcomed back a son who had become religiously unclean by his wanton life.  But he loved his son despite those facts and in the process, love redeemed the boy as much as it redeemed the father.  Who among us has not been a prodigal at some point in our lives and yearned for the forgiving embrace of another?

This contrasts with Abraham who followed his religion and not his heart in how he acted.  Instead of acting according to love for HIS son, Abraham obeyed the commands of a cruel and manipulative God.

That contrast between following love……..or following religious belief is highlighted in the film “Revenant”.  Hugh Glass was strongly motivated to survive against all odds by a love for his deceased wife whom he saw in dreams – and to memories of his beloved son.  His redemptive epiphany resulted directly from that love.  Indeed, he often recalled Native-American wisdom that his wife had told him:  The wind cannot topple a tree with strong roots.  For Hugh Glass, his strong roots were his family, his love for them, and his will to survive no matter what.  The mantra for him was to endure, for the sake of their memory, as long as he had breath.

That theme of discovering what are one’s life roots is a spiritual pursuit I find compelling.  Our foundation, our roots, those things that ultimately redeem us and determine our lasting legacy, they are found in how we love and forgive one another.  They’re found in the teachings of Jesus, Muhammed and Buddha who encouraged people to let go of self-focused thinking and find meaning in service and compassion.  Strong roots are found in how we choose to act toward fellow humans – not in whether we obey a capricious god or accept religious dogma.  We are the the ones charged with building a world of forgiveness, gentleness, kindness, humility, justice and peace.  These are divine and eternally good ideals we do not need a god to initiate.  Only WE have the ability and the choice to practice them and make them our strong roots.

Love motivated the Prodigal Son’s father and Hugh Glass.  The film “Revenant” reminds us that we live in a world of great beauty but also one of unfeeling hardship and death.  We must survive against many obstacles in life and it is up to you and me not only to courageously embrace the task of living, it is also our calling to be forces of unconditional love and justice in a universe where only we can provide them.  Once again, we are divine agents of change in our own lives and in those of others.  We choose to live a life of love and service or one of indifference and unforgiving bitterness..

In a few minutes, we’ll sing perhaps the most famous of all Christian hymns – Amazing Grace.  We’ll sing that song with lyrics I’ve altered  – ones we’ve sung here before.  These changed lyrics address my theology that none of us were or are lowly wretches in need of salvation – as the original words suggest.  It is love received from others that sings to our hearts.  It’s love we extend to the hurting, outcast, hated and discouraged that redeems us.  Love is a form of grace that is given to us and a form of grace we are called to give away.

Our path to the mountain top of personal enlightenment is just that – to give away pieces of our hearts and souls to family, friend and stranger.  We do that as a holy endeavor to build a better world .  That’s our mission in life: to redeem ourselves and others – all through the powers of reason, growth, compassion and above all else, love without condition.

I wish you each much peace, joy and a happy Valentine’s Day…

And I welcome now your thoughts on the message topic, my message, the movie or on your special Valentine!       

(c) Doug Slagle, The Gathering at Northern Hills, A Unitarian Universalist Community, All Rights Reserved

***One joke I did not tell with the kids here is one I remember from Erma Bombeck – the famous humorist. She once said that when her kids were acting wild or out of sorts, she used a nice, safe playpen……And when they were finished……she climbed out!
***Sadly, that is how some adults deal with their children’s emotions or even their own – they wish they’d go away, they put on a happy face and they fail to deal with them. And that’s one reason why I chose to discuss the film ‘Inside Out’ in my message today.
***It was nominated for this year’s Best Animated movie. It wonderfully entertains people of all ages while offering insight into how our brains work and, more specifically, how emotions govern our actions and define who we are. The film does not dumb down the examination of emotions. Its writers worked closely with two of the foremost contemporary researchers into emotions – Paul Ekman and Dacher Keltner. The result is one of the best films I’ve seen in its ability to poignantly inform and entertain viewers about our emotional selves. Take a look now at the film’s trailer, for a better understanding of what the film is about…https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lDkegpnH30
***Experts on emotions indicate that they are good for us and should not be suppressed. They control an amazing amount of our thinking and actions – in ways that we are only dimly aware. The film delightfully shows how we see the world through a prism colored by our emotional reactions to it. We memorize and store information based not on simple facts, but on how we emotionally interpret an experience. It also pointedly directs viewers in how to balance emotions so that we can effectively channel them to be helpful instead of destructive.
***Indeed, the movie is a template for achieving a higher level of emotional intelligence or EQ – which is the ability to identify and manage emotions. The movie is targeted to youth but its message is just as resonant for adults. How can we better manage anger in ways that are not harmful? How we do control fear such that we embrace change? How do we employ sadness to serve and heal – without descending into depression? How can our rational minds lead us toward meaningful joy – the kind that is deep and lasting? These are age old spiritual questions to which we all seek answers.
***Over the past six February’s at the Gathering, and for one message last year at Northern Hills, I’ve looked at Oscar nominated films to find themes that inspire. I see these message series as a fun way to explore serious spiritual issues. Regarding the film ‘Inside Out’, people often pride themselves on their intellectual prowess and the knowledge they’ve acquired. Few people, however, recognize how essential emotional intelligence is for a healthy and others focused life.
***“Inside Out” imaginatively depicts the brain of an eleven year old girl named Riley. Having grown up in a small town in Minnesota, and raised by two attentive parents, Riley must suddenly deal with her family’s move to San Francisco, a new job for her dad, a new home, school, and classmates. As a girl whose default is to be happy, she soon struggles with the emotional challenges of the move. The film spends a lot of time showing the animator’s vision of Riley’s brain and the emotions that govern it. It depicts five key emotions as anthropomorphic characters – joy, sadness, anger, fear and disgust. While some psychologists believe we have six primary emotions – surprise being the sixth, many others believe we have only four. The other two – disgust and surprise – are extensions of anger and fear. For the dramatic purposes of this film, they depict five.
***I don’t want to describe too much of the movie In case you have not seen it. But a central theme in it is that Joy can be a controlling emotion only when it appropriately interacts with other emotions. In the movie, however, Joy believes her mission is to keep Riley happy and thus minimize or eliminate sadness, anger and fear. But that assumption is largely incorrect. All emotions have a role to play in life. This is an essential lesson to teach children – and adults. We can be sad or angry in healthy and appropriate ways – and still find a way to ultimately be joyful.
***I watched this film on my computer while I was in California these past weeks tending my mom and helping my family reach a decision about her future. I could not have watched a better film during that experience. It helped me better understand my emotions about moving my mom, who has Alzheimer’s, into a care home. It also gave me perspective on what is likely controlling her brain. For me, it was difficult not to focus on the tragedy of her disease – how it terribly diminishes a once vibrant woman and how that is affecting my family. How can I and my family feel appropriately sad, frustrated and even angry? Is it OK to feel those emotions? Does joy have any role in this drama?
***One scholarly article on Alzheimer’s I read helped me a lot. It said that with dementia, the frontal lobes of the brain that control intelligence and reasoning become clouded and ineffective. Unfortunately, however, the almond shaped amygdala area of the brain, located at the rear – near the spinal cord, is one of the last areas to be affected by dementia. The amygdala is considered a more primitive part of the brain in that it was the largest brain portion in early humans – and it still is for many primates. It regulates fear and anger which allows for survival by initiating the fight or flight reactions to danger. All of us feel the prompts of the amygdala but they can be regulated by our fontal lobes when we examine and filter perceived dangers. Are they real or imagined – and what is the most effective response to them?
***My mom can no longer control or rationally understand her amygdala feelings. Life for her, unless she is assured of basic safety, is full of irrational fears and delusions. People want to kidnap her, my father has abandoned her when he simply goes to the store, waking in the dark at night is terrifying, etc, etc. She is constantly confused, agitated, frustrated and even angry. Calming her is very difficult.
***Over these past weeks, I too noted my own amygdala responses to my mom’s situation. I got frustrated with how she sometimes acts. I was angry at the awful disease and I was, and am, profoundly sad at the figurative death of the mom I once knew.
***What the film helped me understand is that my emotions and those of my family are okay. They are not only normal, but important. I’ve had to practice what I often counsel others who grieve and mourn. It is good to feel bereavement at the loss of a loved one. It’s often helpful to be afraid of change, or feel the emptiness and loss of a death, romantic breakup or change of circumstances. It’s productive to be righteously angry at injustice. So too is it right to empathize with the pain of those who are sick or distressed. Too often, we try to suppress such emotions believing that sadness, fear or anger are mentally unhealthy emotions. We rationalize all the ways that we should instead be joyful. Riley’s brain, in the film, has her emotion named Joy remind the other emotions that the loss of Riley’s past friendships is simply a way for her to meet new friends. Don’t be sad or afraid, she tells them. Instead, be happy at the new opportunity!
***Ultimately, such rationalizations are defense mechanisms we tell ourselves because of another fear – that we will get stuck and be forever depressed, fearful or angry. Indeed, Riley’s parents in the film praise their daughter for always being happy and for being the source of joy in the family. Unable to process their own fears and sadness at the changes they face, they are shocked when their once happy child is sad and afraid. At one point, they angrily implore her not to feel them.
***What became more clear for me over the past few weeks is that my own sadness at my mom’s rapidly declining state of mind should not be rationalized away. I was trying to tell myself that moving her into a home is for the best. I reminded myself that she and my family will be happier and so I should not be sad. I used such thinking to try and banish unhappy thoughts. I was not allowing myself to feel sadness, fear and anger – or I rebuked myself when I did. I’m a smart guy, I told myself, I shouldn’t immerse myself in pain.
***But that’s a false mantra. It’s a common false narrative that many people tell themselves. Our default should always be happiness – we tend to believe. We must do our best to suppress the seemingly negative other emotions.
***What we intuitively understand but often forget, however, is the ironic truth that we cannot feel joy unless we have also felt and experienced sadness. We cannot mourn the loss of someone – and deeply feel the pain of that emotion, unless we’ve also had the joy of knowing them and feeling their love. My mom was usually one of my few cheerleaders. She was the one I called when I did well on a test, was made captain of my high school Model UN club, or became minister at the Gathering. I miss being able to share with her the joy I feel in my new Minister role here. She was the one who soothed me in my childhood fear of bullies. She was one who scolded my dad and a few others when they snickered once I came out eleven years ago. She was not a perfect mom. None are. But she always seemed to understand and love me in ways perhaps only moms are able. The security and contentment I felt from her has been invaluable. In an ironic way, it is the pain of seeing her as she is now that helps me remember and relive the past happiness she gave me. We cannot exult in the light of a morning dawn unless we’ve walked through a dark night of pain. Such dark times are awful and terrifying but they are also necessary. Indeed, the path to happiness is not only through our reasoning minds, to rationalize away pain, it is also, also!…….figuratively or literally…….to walk through the valley of the shadow of death.
***I don’t intend that idea to be another way to rationalize away unhappy emotions. Fear, anger and sadness remain a part of the human brain because they serve a valuable purpose not only to survive danger, but also to enhance emotional intelligence. Much like we draw on creativity, imagination and knowledge to think, we draw on emotional memories to find real joy. To be emotionally intelligent is thus not to minimize supposedly negative emotions and outwardly only be happy. It is, instead, to fully feel each emotion but maintain them within healthy boundaries. In this way, our reasoning abilities, our frontal lobe portions of the brain, work in balance with the amygdala and its emotions of sadness, fear or anger. Doing so, we realize the benefits our emotions play in finding genuine contentment. Such is emotional intelligence and perhaps a reinforcement of my message in January that life must be lived in a grey zone balance. Emotions are not bad. Intelligence and reason are not always good. Exercised in tandem with each other, emotions AND rational thinking are both good.
***Spiritually, we know this to be true. Jesus wept at the death of a friend. He got angry at hypocrites and uncaring people. He trembled in fear at his impending execution and he shouted from the Cross at its injustice. And yet he was also a spokesman for good news – that the arrival of a realm of love and peace is within our reach. He did not deny his emotions. Instead, they were a vital part of his ministry.
***The Buddha likewise called us to be mindful of our emotions – to feel them, be aware of them and then gently allow them to pass through our minds. Emotions can be like birds who alight in a tree but soon fly away. In being mindful of our emotions but not worrying about them, we gain perception into our minds but let go of the ways we negatively express them – through verbal violence, greed, arrogance or depression. The goal is to be at peace with ourselves and with the world – and thus find empowerment to empathize with, serve and love others.
***And that is our mission as individuals and as a spiritual Community. We seek both head knowledge AND heart knowledge – greater cognitive intelligence and greater emotional intelligence.
As we move in a few minutes to the historic business of approving a merger between our two congregations, may we remember these truths. May we call on Unitarian Universalist ideals and use our minds to intelligently AND emotionally act in the high cause of a more just and loving world.
I wish you each much peace, joy and emotional intelligence!