{"id":946,"date":"2011-01-23T16:07:25","date_gmt":"2011-01-23T23:07:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thegatheringcincinnati.org\/?p=946"},"modified":"2011-01-23T16:07:25","modified_gmt":"2011-01-23T23:07:25","slug":"january-23-2011-positive-change-for-a-new-year-practicing-affirming-speech","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/2011\/01\/23\/january-23-2011-positive-change-for-a-new-year-practicing-affirming-speech\/","title":{"rendered":"January 23, 2011, "Positive Change for a New Year: Practicing Affirming Speech""},"content":{"rendered":"

Message 46, \u201cPositive Change for a New Year: Practicing Affirming Speech\u201d,\u00a01-23-11 \"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u00a9 Doug Slagle, Pastor at the Gathering UCC, All Rights Reserved<\/p>\n

Service-Program, 01-23-11<\/a><\/p>\n

As much as I sincerely believe that there are many pathways to find Divine truth or God, if you will, I continue to nevertheless be drawn to Jesus and his simple beauty as a human being.\u00a0 His attitudes and teachings never cease to shock and amaze me for they are generally counter to my own flawed human nature.\u00a0 As an immensely popular figure in his time, he refused to hang out with the self-avowed A-List or beautiful people.\u00a0 He dined regularly with prostitutes, criminals and cheats.\u00a0 He befriended common laborers, adulterous women, and Roman collaborators.\u00a0 He physically touched, hugged and soothed lepers, people with contagious skin conditions, bleeding disorders, the sick and the blind.\u00a0 It appears that he purposefully chose to associate with the worst, the weakest and the outcast members of human society while avoiding the rich and powerful elites who thought themselves superior to others.\u00a0 By his example and his teachings, he encouraged others to act likewise.\u00a0 This is the heart of the Divine, he seemed to say, to love, forgive and see the good in each and every<\/em><\/strong> human – no matter how supposedly immoral, wrong or diseased they are.\u00a0 \u00a0As a human being, Jesus was not perfect.\u00a0 He got angry.\u00a0 He expressed fear and worry.\u00a0 He hated and called out hypocrisy in others.\u00a0 But he was so radical in his love and forgiveness \u2013 especially for the least of humanity \u2013 that he stands out as an historically remarkable individual.\u00a0 It is for that reason that I believe his followers later created a religion based on his teachings.\u00a0 The layers of myth and supernatural power were only later added to his life story.<\/p>\n

As I conclude this January series on \u201cPositive Change for a New Year\u201d,<\/strong> I want to focus today on an underlying principle behind Jesus\u2019 actions and teachings.\u00a0 The heart of the Divine One sees each of us from a perspective of love.\u00a0 And in that love, there is no recognition of flaws, sins or failures.\u00a0 People are seen for the innate goodness found in each<\/span><\/strong> individual.\u00a0 That Divine heart, beating within each of us, is to see others with gentleness, love and respect.<\/p>\n

I believe that practicing affirming or positive speech towards others is one important way we manifest such unconditional respect for others.\u00a0 Positive speech reduces conflict, encourages cooperation, builds confidence, discourages negativity, and acts out our desire to be more loving.\u00a0 Generosity of spirit, kindness, praise and respect bring out the best in people.\u00a0 After all, as Jesus demonstrated with his life, everyone<\/span><\/strong> is deserving of kindness.<\/p>\n

Dismissing, rejecting, disrespecting or speaking angrily to others only brings out the worst in them – and in us. \u00a0The language we use has a direct impact on the type of world in which we live.\u00a0 Even more, according to the Law of Attraction that I mentioned in last week\u2019s message, the words and thoughts we commonly employ in our speech will determine the kind of people and events \u2013 either positive or negative – we attract into our personal lives.<\/p>\n

I believe that our culture and society has become too focused on finding fault, assigning blame and looking for reasons to be offended.\u00a0 Before speaking, I want to seek understanding of the other and their actions, acknowledge that mistakes happen, accept that nobody is perfect \u2013 least of all me, and look for the goodness within that person.\u00a0 To the one who has nagged me about a problem, I might see someone who is concerned and worried about my well-being.\u00a0 To the one who is needy of my time or attention, I might see affection.\u00a0 To the one who speaks with lots of bravado and over-confidence, I can see bravery. \u00a0In doing so, I hope that my words to him or her will then be laced with kindness, tact, forgiveness, empathy and affirmation.\u00a0 \u00a0And in turn, I will likely be spoken to in the same manner.\u00a0 If I wish to be loved, I must be loving.\u00a0 I must lead by example.<\/p>\n

In practicing positive speech, I communicate first and foremost with respect.\u00a0 First of all, I acknowledge that everyone has valuable ideas and, while I might disagree with someone, that does not negate the wisdom and value of the other person.\u00a0 Instead of rejecting a comment outright with negativity, I can instead respond, \u201cThat is an interesting idea\u201d or \u201cThat is an intriguing question.\u201d \u00a0\u00a0Speaking to someone about a subject on which we disagree, I might also seek further understanding.\u00a0 My goal is to ask questions, seek solutions and think positively.\u00a0 Often people react to a thought, idea or suggestion from others too quickly before they have all of the information.\u00a0 Such quick reactions often lead to apologies.\u00a0 I must frame my responses and my speech in a context of full understanding of an issue and then gently seek a mutually agreeable solution.<\/p>\n

Positive communication with others also involves finding common values or beliefs.\u00a0 I have often noted that despite the political differences that liberals and conservatives have, both sides share a common goal.\u00a0 Each seeks to improve the overall well-being of our nation.\u00a0 While specific ways to achieve that are different, conservatives and progressives share a love of country and of people in general.\u00a0 If that essential premise is acknowledged, I believe the way we then speak across the political divide will be done with respect and civility.\u00a0 We have a fundamental <\/span><\/strong>right to our beliefs but, most importantly, I do not believe we have a moral<\/span><\/strong> right to disrespect, name calling, violent language, or mean spirited words in our debates.<\/p>\n

In speech with others, it is also helpful to season comments with honest<\/strong> praise and sincere<\/strong> compliment.\u00a0 We can look for things the other person does well and then affirm them in that.\u00a0 Praise should be specific<\/span><\/strong> so that the other person does not see it as merely being polite or even condescending.\u00a0 A compliment is only effective if it is an actual observation of goodness.\u00a0 Instead of saying someone is a good cook, for instance, we might instead comment that the dish just consumed had great flavor and was perfectly prepared.\u00a0 In each person, we are able to find, and then specifically praise, excellence. \u00a0\u00a0As Mother Theresa once said, \u201cKind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.\u201d <\/strong><\/p>\n

Positive communication also involves staying focused on the specific issue being discussed.\u00a0 Bringing up past hurts or disagreements will only add fuel to a negative atmosphere.\u00a0 In addition, assigning blame makes an issue personal.\u00a0 Instead, many experts encourage keeping discussions respectful by talking about our feelings and emotions instead of the actions of another.\u00a0 We alone are responsible for how we feel.\u00a0 Nobody makes us feel a certain way and so we must frame our discussions in that light.\u00a0 We do not accuse.\u00a0 We simply express how we feel.\u00a0 This opens up the door to empathy \u2013 the other is able to know how an action or event impacted our emotions.<\/p>\n

Using tact and wisdom in our speech is also good for creating positive discourse.\u00a0 Too often people justify rude, curt and cutting remarks by saying they are merely being honest.\u00a0 The contrary is usually the case \u2013 they have been unkind and judgmental.\u00a0 A proverb by some unknown author states, \u201cSay what you mean and mean what you say but don\u2019t<\/span> say it mean!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Positive communication with others also requires forgiveness.\u00a0 We all make mistakes and the ability to forgive indicates acknowledgement of that fact.\u00a0 Once again, the practice and heart of Jesus comes into play.\u00a0 If we truly wish to only see the good in others, forgiveness is a necessary step.\u00a0 Forgetting someone\u2019s negative actions or words is not always possible.\u00a0\u00a0 Forgiving someone who has caused hurt, involves letting go of the grudge and returning the relationship \u2013 and our speech – to that of respect and kindness.<\/p>\n

Finding the right time and place to communicate with another is additionally important.\u00a0 When bringing up a difficult subject, it is never helpful to discuss it in front of bystanders or to catch someone by surprise when they are busy.\u00a0 By waiting and then seeking a quiet place to discuss a disagreement sends the subtle message of respect and gentleness.\u00a0 And this involves self-control and self-awareness.\u00a0 Simply because a person might feel offended in one moment does not mean that it is always best to address it then and there.\u00a0 The heat of emotions suggests that we wait until such anger diminishes \u2013 precisely because people often say unkind things or act negatively when they are the most emotional.\u00a0 Positive speech with others takes place best in situations, times and places where calm and peace can prevail.<\/p>\n

We affirm others in our communication if we are also willing to accept responsibility and blame when we honestly perceive we are at fault.\u00a0 If the circumstances or facts point to our actions as a cause, we can diffuse a negative situation by admitting blame.\u00a0 Such an attitude reflects an open mind and a willingness to be honest.\u00a0 It shows others a loving demeanor by accepting responsibility and then seeking solutions to what we have caused.<\/p>\n

If we practice all these positive steps in communication \u2013 we speak with respect, we seek common ground, we offer praise, we do not blame, we forgive, we accept responsibility when appropriate, we speak only when calm \u2013 then I believe our better angels can truly do their work.\u00a0 What great things might be accomplished with positive speech?\u00a0 How many hardened and hateful attitudes can be changed?\u00a0 How many conflicts avoided?\u00a0 If our goal is to morally imagine a more perfect heaven on earth, shouldn\u2019t it include communication with others that is respectful and loving?\u00a0 Would that not increase cooperation and thus a solution to many of our personal, national and international problems?\u00a0 Once again, Gandhi\u2019s words which I mentioned last week resonate strongly \u2013 \u201cYou must be the change you want in the world.\u201d<\/strong> If we advocate for gay rights, justice for the poor, rights for animals, healthcare for all – in other words, if we seek peace, love and understanding for all people and throughout all creation<\/em> – we must ourselves first practice and speak<\/span><\/strong> peace, love and understanding.\u00a0 As the song goes, let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me!<\/p>\n

Dear friends, I recently ran across a true story that has become legend within a large supermarket store chain.\u00a0 Several years ago, a grocery store manager called his staff together and encouraged them to put a personal stamp on their customer service.\u00a0 Johnny, who is a grocery bagger with Down\u2019s Syndrome, thought about his manger\u2019s words but wondered what he could do since he was only a bagger \u2013 as he called himself.\u00a0 A few days later, however, he thought of an idea.\u00a0 Each day he looks for what he calls a \u201cpositive thought for the day\u201d and, if he cannot find one, he makes one up himself.\u00a0 His father helps him type them into a computer and print then them on strips of paper.\u00a0 As Johnny finishes bagging a customer\u2019s groceries, he smiles broadly and proudly hands out a strip of paper with his positive thought for the day on it.\u00a0 The first thought he handed out was by Oscar Hammerstein, \u201cLove isn\u2019t love until you give it away.\u201d<\/p>\n

A few days after Johnny began this practice, the manager saw that the cashier lane at which Johnny worked was far too long \u2013 stretching well into the frozen foods section.\u00a0 He immediately called for other cashiers and encouraged customers to shift lanes to save them time.\u00a0 Nobody moved.\u00a0 One man said, \u201cWe\u2019re here to get Johnny\u2019s thought for the day.\u201d\u00a0 Another woman said she did not need to get groceries that day but stopped in anyway to get Johnny\u2019s positive thought.\u00a0 Business at the store increased by over ten percent. \u00a0\u00a0His act encouraged other staff members in the store to act the same \u2013 the store florist now randomly hands out carnations to customers.\u00a0 Others take time during their breaks to wander the aisles seeking to assist the elderly or parents with young children.\u00a0 A lane was permanently designated as Johnny\u2019s lane and it continues to be the most sought after.\u00a0 Johnny\u2019s example has since been used in many motivational presentations about the power of positive actions and positive speech.<\/p>\n

How we communicate with others and about others is so vitally important in our world.\u00a0 It is important in our families, in our relationships with partners, lovers and spouses, in our church, in our community and in our nation.\u00a0 I have encouraged you and me, over the last three weeks, to think about how we might better listen to one another \u2013 seeking to understand and empathize, how we can change the negative ways we think about events in our lives and, today, how we can practice loving and affirming speech.\u00a0 I hope each of us will ponder these few ways we can change ourselves for the better.\u00a0 You are welcome to check out our website and read these messages on positive change.\u00a0 My suggestions are not the only ways to change for the better.\u00a0 However, if we increase our empathy, if we learn to think about our difficult life events in positive ways and if we begin to speak to each other with respect, I believe we will have done a lot.\u00a0 To recast a verse from the Biblical book of Psalms as our common prayer, \u201cMay the words of our mouths and the meditations of our hearts be pleasing in the sight of all\u2026\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

To each of you, many of whom I love as sisters and brothers, may we believe in our ideals with passion<\/span><\/em><\/strong>\u2026\u2026.never forgetting to speak them with compassion.<\/span><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Message 46, \u201cPositive Change for a New Year: Practicing Affirming Speech\u201d,\u00a01-23-11 \u00a9 Doug Slagle, Pastor at the Gathering UCC, All Rights Reserved Service-Program, 01-23-11 As much as I sincerely believe that there are many pathways to find Divine truth or God, if you will, I continue to nevertheless be drawn to Jesus and his simple […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-946","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/946","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=946"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/946\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=946"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=946"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=946"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}