{"id":2718,"date":"2014-10-12T20:51:53","date_gmt":"2014-10-13T03:51:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thegatheringcincinnati.org\/?p=2718"},"modified":"2014-10-12T20:51:53","modified_gmt":"2014-10-13T03:51:53","slug":"october-12-2014-defining-who-we-are-by-our-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/2014\/10\/12\/october-12-2014-defining-who-we-are-by-our-work\/","title":{"rendered":"October 12, 2014, "Defining Who We Are By Our Work??""},"content":{"rendered":"

(c) Rev. Doug Slagle, Minister to the Gathering, All Rights Reserved\"1010981_10201079201797947_1760311915_n_by_madooz3-d6fkdkk\"<\/a><\/p>\n

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Many of you may know the cartoon series \u201cFor Better of Worse\u201d by Lynn Johnston that appears in the Sunday Enquirer.\u00a0 It\u2019s about two parents of young children trying to manage the challenges of career and everyday home life.\u00a0 One of Johnston\u2019s cartoons that appeared a few years ago, at the height of the recession, showed the mom having just lost her job.\u00a0 She plaintively asks, \u201cWithout a job, who am I?\u201d\u00a0 Her husband looks at her stunned and without an answer – perplexed as many of us are at how to support those who lose their jobs.\u00a0 In the final frame we see the couple\u2019s toddler child wrapping his arms around the woman and simply answering who she is to him, \u201cMum\u201d the boy says.<\/p>\n

I shared in last week\u2019s message the idea that we choose how we define ourselves by our beliefs about the world and about ourselves.\u00a0 And this self definition has a profound impact on our actions, emotions and sense of self-worth.\u00a0 While society tries to define who we are by its set of standards, we can choose to accept or reject that. \u00a0 It is our definition of ourselves that matters and that dilemma is perfectly captured in the cartoon I just described.<\/p>\n

As all of us know, when we meet someone for the first time, one of the first questions asked is \u201cWhat do you do?\u201d or \u201cWhat did you do?\u201d\u00a0 Unfortunately, we and others use career and work life to define us.\u00a0 We make assumptions about others based on their work – how smart they are, their work ethic, their education, their wealth, and their importance.\u00a0 Too often we assume someone is either worthy or not based solely on their present or past job.<\/p>\n

We also define our own sense of self-worth by our work.\u00a0 Many of us are caught in the cultural stereotype that persons holding jobs with lots of power, high income and high prestige somehow have greater value.\u00a0 We are caught in standards that tell us, for instance, that a movie star is of more value to society than is a teacher, social worker or homemaker.\u00a0 My mom is someone who repeatedly told others she was of no use to the world since she did not work outside the home.<\/p>\n

Today\u2019s fluid economy also takes its toll on how we define ourselves by work.\u00a0 No longer do most people remain in the same job at the same organization for a lifetime.\u00a0 Who are we if our jobs continually change?\u00a0 Added to that is how technology affects work and thus one\u2019s self-definition.\u00a0 Fifty years ago, people could usually leave their work behind at the office and have separate lives at home.\u00a0 They had distinct identities that went beyond one\u2019s job.\u00a0 Technology, however, has tied people to their work 24 hours a day.\u00a0 It is increasingly difficult to define ourselves outside of our work life.<\/p>\n

Finally, changing work standards for women and men are also harmful to how we define ourselves.\u00a0 70% of women with children under seventeen now work outside the home.\u00a0 Young women say they WANT a career and actively pursue them.\u00a0 But the demands of work and the desire to advance in a career mean that many women no longer define themselves as \u201cmum\u201d, \u201cwife\u201d, \u201cpartner\u201d or complete person irregardless of career.<\/p>\n

And the same pressure exists for men.\u00a0 Many working men today want to define themselves by more than their job – by working significantly less hours, by being better partners, active and involved dads, sons, and friends – but they are finding that if they do so, their paychecks and possibility for promotion are limited.\u00a0 In today\u2019s fragile economy, the pressure to work harder both at home and at the workplace is intense.\u00a0 Who is a woman with children if she is does not define herself as a mother or as a job title?\u00a0 Who is a man caught in the same dilemma?\u00a0 How can we define ourselves in a meaningful way that somehow moves beyond this problem?<\/p>\n

Experts assert that no longer can we define ourselves by what we do.\u00a0 Increasingly, defining who we are must be holistic and span across the range of activities in which we are involved.\u00a0 What is our one true self?\u00a0 Who am I both at work, at home and at play?\u00a0 What are my transcendent beliefs and universal values that define me no matter what I do or where I am?<\/p>\n

Importantly, we must move away from calling people by their job titles, by defining who they are by what they do for a living, by stereotyping human value by the supposed prestige of a particular career.\u00a0 For one, I do not wish to be addressed in person as \u201cPastor Doug\u201d.\u00a0 I understand this is a title of respect and affection, but why are not others addressed in a similar manner using their job title and name?\u00a0 My job is no more special than any other.\u00a0 This kind of paradigm shift away from using work as a person\u2019s status level will not be easy.\u00a0 An athlete, actor or doctor will too often earn instant status over a teacher, nurse, social worker or homemaker.\u00a0 To change this thinking will involve changing the culture.\u00a0 But as we often say, we must be the change we want to see.<\/p>\n

I often ask myself and others what it is we want to remember and cherish as we near the last days of our lives.\u00a0 What memories will we hold dear?\u00a0 What relationships will matter?\u00a0 What accomplishments will provide meaning and perspective to our lives?\u00a0 What legacies do we wish to leave behind?\u00a0 We have the ability right now to shape our meaning and purpose.\u00a0 Do we live to work or do we work in order to really live – to care, love, learn, listen and share?\u00a0 Ultimately, the entry in the dictionary of life under our particular names must be written by us.<\/p>\n

When I am talked about after my death, I do not want any of the jobs I have held to be used to describe who I am.\u00a0 They are tasks that I performed.\u00a0 They are not who I am at my core.\u00a0 I want meaning and intrinsic values to define me.\u00a0 Those will hopefully reflect, however imperfectly, the things I practice and do.\u00a0 Neither saint nor sinner, I want to be understood by what I choose to believe.<\/p>\n

My hopes about how I want to be remembered are consistent with modern ideas about human cognitive abilities.\u00a0 How we think about life and how we define ourselves need not be determined by outside factors.\u00a0 We choose what we think and believe.\u00a0 We choose to feel or not the whole range of emotions and attitudes we adopt.\u00a0 That includes how we think about and define who we are.\u00a0 While circumstances and forces beyond our control can influence us, ultimately we decide what to think and feel and thus how we act.\u00a0 This speaks both to the power and difficulty of cognitive change.\u00a0 It is quite easy to tell someone to positively change their thinking and how they see themselves.\u00a0 It is quite another matter to actually do so.\u00a0 Far be it for me or anyone else to trivialize the process.\u00a0 From personal experience, I understand how difficult cognitive change can be.<\/p>\n

So, how we define ourselves is under our direct control.\u00a0 Instead of allowing work to define us, we must first begin to change our thinking – about others and about ourselves.\u00a0 We can begin by not asking soon after meeting other people what they do or have done for work.\u00a0 We might, instead, seek a better understanding of others by asking about relationships, hobbies, books they read, and things that give them meaning.\u00a0 We can better understand people in ways beyond stereotyping their intelligence, status and value by their career.<\/p>\n

Men and women who choose to work within the home as a parent, homemaker and care giver, as one example, can no longer be demeaned.\u00a0 We can begin by fully honoring what they do.\u00a0 As we do so, others will too.\u00a0 The hands that rock the cradle, as the old adage goes, change the world.<\/p>\n

We must respect any honest labor that is diligently performed.\u00a0 People whom we manage must be given opportunities for self-growth outside of the workplace.\u00a0 Their families and home life must matter.\u00a0 Longer maternity leave must be given.\u00a0 Childcare should be provided.\u00a0 Mandatory limits on hours worked – not by governments but by employers – must be set.\u00a0 No employee should wrestle with competing demands of workplace and home.\u00a0 Both are important but family and home life must always come first.\u00a0 People are far more valuable than money.<\/p>\n

Trust of an employer is the number one factor people site in whether or not they are happy at work.\u00a0 As a part of trusting an employer, people say they want to be respected for their work, they want reasonable work hours and duties, they seek ample vacation time and personal rest, and they desire salaries that are fair.\u00a0 Only by doing such things can we elevate work beyond its use as way to define people.\u00a0 If all feel respected in their work, nobody need feel superior or inferior.\u00a0 Certain jobs will lose their function as a means for status.<\/p>\n

We must offer the same respect to ourselves.\u00a0 No longer can we define ourselves by our work.\u00a0 That means we no longer give it the highest priority in our lives.\u00a0 No longer do we put it first and the well-being of families, partners, friends and our inner peace second.\u00a0 Once again, this is a choice we must make.<\/p>\n

Some of you know I was on vacation for ten days last month.\u00a0 To my shame, I failed to let many of you know that in advance.\u00a0 I failed to gently set boundaries on my work while I was on vacation by asking for time off for everything but congregation emergencies.\u00a0 That is something I never do.\u00a0 Even when technically off, I don\u2019t actually turn myself off.\u00a0 But I should have for at least this one vacation time.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t say this as a complaint but as an admonishment and as an example of how I and others stay connected to technology and the constant demands of work and time.\u00a0 I took time away from relationships that matter most to me in order to answer emails, make phone calls and deal with matters that could have waited.\u00a0 I failed myself and others by not carving out just ten days of uninterrupted disconnection.\u00a0 I allowed my own ideas about self definition to control me.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m a Pastor whose work is just too important\u201d, I implicitly told myself.\u00a0 Instead, I need to define myself in broader terms as someone with more more important values.<\/p>\n

Beyond refusing to define others<\/b> by their work, beyond defining ourselves<\/b> by our work, we can also ask that our culture and society do the same.\u00a0 The United States ranks well behind other developed nations in the amount of benefits given to workers. \u00a0 Paid time-off, provision of childcare and paid maternity leave are all much higher in most other developed nations.\u00a0 As I\u2019ve said earlier, this democratizes work.\u00a0 It establishes that all who work have dignity and worth beyond job title and economic value to the employer.\u00a0 Workers have value as human beings.<\/p>\n

While it can be argued some nations have pushed the limit in granting greater benefits and that their economies suffer in lower productivity and gross domestic product, the question must be asked: what is it we really value?\u00a0 People or commodities?\u00a0 Relationships or wealth?\u00a0 We cannot have it all and I am not so utopian as to believe we can have unlimited benefits.\u00a0 Work has value and economies that are not based on diligent labor cannot thrive and thus cannot create jobs that allow more people to eat, live and find happiness. \u00a0 But there is a reasonable balance and our culture is out of balance.\u00a0 We worship at the false gods of wealth, power and status as the standards that both define people and that truly matter.<\/p>\n

What must truly define us are the universal values to which we each aspire.\u00a0 How large are our hearts?\u00a0 How selfless are we?\u00a0 How are we helping to change the world for the better?\u00a0 How gentle are we when we speak?\u00a0 How humble do we interact with others?\u00a0 How diligently do we work to understand the needs, thoughts, dreams, hurts and fears of others?\u00a0 How are we a force for good?<\/p>\n

While we all want to be appreciated for skills and talents, it is our larger values that ought to define us.\u00a0 Do we give to, reach out to, listen to and serve people at work and at home?\u00a0 Do all who know us define us by our hearts and not our jobs?\u00a0 Are we the same person no matter where we are?<\/p>\n

These are questions we can aspire to answer affirmatively.\u00a0 These are questions that will move us beyond seeing work as a means to status and definition.\u00a0 Yes, we work to eat, clothe and shelter ourselves while enjoying modest pleasures.\u00a0 But, we do not live to work as the only task set before us.\u00a0 Who we are, at our deepest inner selves, is so much richer, complex and beautiful than our jobs.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(c) Rev. Doug Slagle, Minister to the Gathering, All Rights Reserved   To download and listen to the message, please click here. \u00a0To read the message, please see below. Will you donate $5, $10 or $20 in appreciation for this message? Your online tax-deductible donation will help us continue our charitable outreach work to homeless […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2718","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2718","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2718"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2718\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2718"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2718"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2718"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}