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\u200bThe\u00a0millennial\u00a0generation, or Gen-Y’s as they are often called, were born between 1982 and\u00a02001. \u00a0They are the first generation to have mostly come of age during the digital revolution when all forms of technology like facebook, iPhones and YouTube became popular. \u00a0They are\u00a0mostly\u00a0the progeny of Baby Boomers.<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bDavid, who lives in San Francisco, is part of a\u00a0millennial\u00a0trend called nouveau hippies. \u00a0He lives in a large Victorian house named the “Embassy” that he shares as a type of commune with fifteen other\u00a0millennials. \u00a0He spends his days taking yoga classes, waiting tables at a coffee house to pay for his share of expenses, and attending Edwardian themed parties at which he wears monocles and dresses in period clothing.<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bBecky, another\u00a0millennial, recently mourned the death of her mother. \u00a0She received many condolences from friends but they all came to her by text message\u00a0–\u00a0with words like “How are you?” or, “Sorry”. \u00a0At her mom’s funeral, many of her\u00a0millennial\u00a0friends had never attended one before. \u00a0They took “selfies” at the funeral – “selfies” being a\u00a0millennial\u00a0coined word defined as a picture a person takes of oneself by holding the phone camera at arms length. \u00a0The pictures were promptly posted on facebook both as a way to share community sorrow and to mark a new phase in their lives when attending funerals will be more common.<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bShani is a single\u00a0millennial\u00a0who lives in New York. \u00a0Her dating life is defined by text messages she receives from various men who will contact her a few hours before an event and ask her to “tag along.” \u00a0She has occasional sexual encounters with the men she tags along with but they usually happen at his apartment which is shared with other guys and resembles a fraternity house room. \u00a0She says most men her age spend more time worrying about their Netflix list of movies than they do planning an evening out with a girl. \u00a0Marriage for most of her friends is still a distant prospect with most\u00a0millennials\u00a0waiting until their late twenties or early thirties to tie the knot.<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bForbes magazine indicates that\u00a0millennials\u00a0are smart and tech savvy but they have certain quirks that employers must understand. \u00a0They want to listen to music on their iPhones while they work, they want more time off then they do higher pay, and they are not very loyal to an employer but instead constantly look for other jobs with a better workplace environment.<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bIt has become a trend to express concern about the\u00a0millennialgeneration. \u00a0They are often derided as self-indulgent, spoiled, narcissistic and with an inflated sense of self. \u00a0In a recent poll of\u00a0millennials, 80% believe they are “gifted”.<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bBut\u00a0millennials\u00a0are also driving the current\u00a0technology\u00a0revolution and economic expansion. \u00a0Some commentators call them the new pioneers as they push our nation into unknown cultural and technological realms. \u00a0They are focused less on amassing large sums of money and buying expensive material goods than they are on quality of life issues like time off, recreation, and social benefits. \u00a0Millennials\u00a0typically\u00a0are happy living in cities and small apartments. \u00a0They shun the suburbs and their large, cookie cutter houses. \u00a0Many do not want to own cars but prefer biking, ride sharing and mass transit. \u00a0They are environmentally conscious and are pushing for renewable energy\u00a0resources. \u00a0They are strong advocates for GLBT equality, immigration reform and inter-racial relationships. \u00a0Organized religion is not relevant to many of them. \u00a0Being literate and completely comfortable with all forms of\u00a0digital\u00a0technology is mandatory. \u00a0The trauma of 9\/11, two wars and the worst recession since the Great Depression haveprofoundly\u00a0shaped their attitudes.<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bAnd while such a discussion of millions of millennials can lapse into stereotype, their cultural characteristics do broadly hold true and they do cross racial and ethnic lines. \u00a0In a recent book entitled\u00a0Black America Study, black millennials are just as tied to technology as their white peers. \u00a0They take for granted an increasingly multiracial society and it is noted that there exists a growing divide between blacks born before the Civil Rights era and those born after – many younger blacks call their parents and older blacks “the enemy within”. \u00a0African-American millennials are optimistic about the future and believe their generation will finally push the nation into full multiculturalism. \u00a0Hispanic millennials are much the same. \u00a0They shun the religiosity and traditions of their parents at equally high rates as they embrace a positive, change focused outlook with technology leading the way.<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bWhile many of the\u00a0millennial\u00a0attributes seem foreign to those of us who are older, it is clear that this generation will soon dramatically change our nation, its culture and its politics. \u00a0In most\u00a0respects, that will be for the good. \u00a0My two daughters are\u00a0millennials\u00a0and they closely mimic its culture. \u00a0My oldest daughter is 29. \u00a0Marriage and having children is at least a few years away. \u00a0At her age, I was married with a four year old child and another on the way. \u00a0Sara once shared an apartment with a gay guy. \u00a0They remain close friends and they often double date. \u00a0Having a variety of diverse friends is both important but unremarkable to her. \u00a0She has many friends who have moved back in with their parents. \u00a0She texts friends constantly. \u00a0Facebook, Instagram and Twitter are constant media resources – a newspaper, TV newscast or\u00a0printed\u00a0book are rarely accessed. \u00a0While she is now in nursing school, she spent\u00a0her\u00a0years after college working in a home for mentally challenged women – displaying an indifference toward high pay but also a deep empathy for the disadvantaged.<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bLike her fellow\u00a0millennials, Sara is a wise and caring person. \u00a0Issues like equality and happiness in life are important to her. Being rich or driving the best car are not.<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bI relate all of these characteristics of the\u00a0millennial\u00a0generation as a way to highlight a current concern expressed by older people. \u00a0Themillennials, they say, were raised by Baby Boomers like myself who chose to indulge their children and spare them, as much as possible, the hurts and\u00a0setbacks\u00a0of life. \u00a0 My ex-wife and I practiced what is referred to as helicopter parenting – monitoring the lives of our girls constantly. \u00a0They were a part of youth sports teams at which winners and losers were not important. \u00a0Every kid was acknowledged, praised and earned ribbons, medals and trophies just for participating. \u00a0As a child,\u00a0Sara was not a great soccer player. \u00a0She would stand in the field and pick\u00a0dandelions\u00a0while play happened all around her. \u00a0Even so, her mom and I, as well as her coaches, praised her as if she were the very best. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bWe kept the lives of our girls constantly busy with ballet lessons, youth sports, homework and summer camps. \u00a0We would do anything for our girls – sacrificing most of our free time for them.\u00a0\u00a0We were like many Baby Boomer parents reacting to the\u00a0less involved way\u00a0we were brought up. \u00a0Raising kids and meeting their needs was an obsessive project – we were incubating our girls in a protective cocoon for as long as possible.<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bAnd cultural commentators now say\u00a0millennials, as a result, lack the basic ethics of hard work, strength, resilience and humility. \u00a0They are ill equipped to deal with the real world of being fired, suffering a loss or economic insecurity. \u00a0They are spoiled narcissists who collect\u00a0Facebookfriends like they used to collect participation ribbons. \u00a0Some millennials do believe that success in life is merely a matter of just showing up. \u00a0Both conservatives and liberals decry the\u00a0millennial\u00a0generation saying that they were\u00a0spoiled\u00a0as children in ways that shape their ethical approach to life – they can’t handle suffering, they want things given to them, they don’t know how to sacrifice and work hard.<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bIn many ways, this kind of\u00a0thinking is shaped by old style economic and theological ideas. \u00a0Life is tough. \u00a0People suffer. \u00a0People must therefore work hard just to survive. \u00a0There is no free lunch.<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bEconomically,\u00a0older Americans\u00a0expect people to earn what they get in life. \u00a0Differences in income are\u00a0often\u00a0believed to be determined by how hard a person works. \u00a0This carries over into how\u00a0many\u00a0Americans understand\u00a0religion. \u00a0We\u00a0earn\u00a0God’s love by being moral, nice and upright – by how we act and what we do. \u00a0We reap what we sow, as the Bible\u00a0says.<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bThis is a\u00a0conditional\u00a0view of life which, as I said, is shared between liberals and conservatives. \u00a0Success in life and being loved by God are conditioned on doing good work. \u00a0That is an ethic which many of us believe should be taught to children. \u00a0Sadly, many of us now believe, that ethic was not well taught to the\u00a0millennial\u00a0generation.<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bThe striking fact about how many\u00a0millennials\u00a0were raised is that they were\u00a0NOT\u00a0taught a conditional understanding of life. \u00a0Millennials\u00a0were often parented\u00a0unconditionally. \u00a0They did not have to earn recognition for what they did. \u00a0They were praised and rewarded simply for being – simply for being a child. \u00a0And many experts now see this as a strength and hallmark of\u00a0millennials. \u00a0Far from being ill equipped to deal with life setbacks, far from having the neuroses and insecurities many Baby Boomers have,millennials\u00a0have an inner sense of well-being and\u00a0positive attitude\u00a0that will serve them and the world well. \u00a0How they were raised, therefore, can give us insight in to how one might raise an ethical child.<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bMillennials, for instance, do not see diversity as a threat to them even if they are, like my Sara, straight, white and relatively privileged. \u00a0Every person has value because that was an ethic\u00a0millennials\u00a0were taught. \u00a0Thisis having an important impact on culture and politics. \u00a0Millennials are a driving force in changing attitudes about gays and lesbians as well as other racial groups. \u00a0Their happiness and inner security do not come from external rewards and recognition but from having a healthy self-confidence. \u00a0If 80% of\u00a0millennials\u00a0believe they are gifted, experts believe that will transfer into how they will achieve and innovate – as fearless people who embrace change unlike more fear based older generations.<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bMany\u00a0millennials\u00a0do not need a theological God to make them feel valued. \u00a0They have been raised to feel that. \u00a0Love was not given to them conditionally. \u00a0It was freely given in the form of affirmation no matter what they did or did not do. \u00a0And this view is beginning to show up in how young people see economic inequality and social welfare. \u00a0Hard work does not alone determine success in life. \u00a0A teacher\u00a0or social worker provides more value to the world than a Wall Street hedge fund trader. \u00a0People are good no matter what. \u00a0Success\u00a0in life is measured more by happiness, personal fulfillment and recreation.<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bWhile no generation of parents are perfect, many experts believe that Baby Boomers got it right in terms of raising children with confident inner selves. \u00a0 As infants and young children, experts today believe that constant nurture and affection are vital. \u00a0One cannot spoil a child too much but instead build into him or her an intrinsic sense that the world is relatively safe thus translating into a willingness to take on challenges without fear or doubt.<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bOther experts encourage the use of nouns instead of verbs when praising a child. \u00a0For instance, saying to a child who has willingly cleaned his or her room: “You\u00a0are\u00a0a very helpful and good person” versus “You cleaned your room really well.” \u00a0The use of a noun encourages a child to understand that he or she is\u00a0already\u00a0good and as a result does good things. \u00a0Psychologically, that translates into a child and adult who feels good about him or herself. \u00a0That further translates into greater empathy, humility and kindness. \u00a0One need not act arrogantly or selfishly if one already possesses inner confidence.<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bAbove all, raising an ethical child understands the\u00a0difference\u00a0between a child feeling shame and one feeling guilt. \u00a0Shame feelings are rooted in inadequacy and a sense that one is inherently of no worth. \u00a0Shame filled children are told they are bad. \u00a0They are only praised or loved when they do good. \u00a0Guilt, however, is legitimately felt as a result of a bad action. \u00a0One can still be good even with occasional lapses. \u00a0Emotionally healthy children and adults do not feel shame. \u00a0They are confident enough such that mistakes do not set them back.<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bRaising an ethical child is therefore focused on building a core sense of self that is appropriately confident. \u00a0As we all know, one cannot love others unless one intrinsically loves oneself in a healthy and non-egotistical manner. \u00a0Experts say that parents should spend as much time with a child as possible – choosing to frequently interact and play with them. \u00a0They should also put up a so-called “wall of fame” that prominently displays a child’s works – from drawings to homework to pictures and awards. \u00a0Doing these things\u00a0lets a child know that they have value as a person who is wanted, enjoyed and\u00a0unconditionally\u00a0loved.<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bParents should also model ethical behavior to children instead of preaching to them about good or bad behavior. \u00a0In one study, children and parents were asked to play a game of marbles. \u00a0Children whose parents played the game with a fun spirit and who generously gave away marbles to others\u00a0– the kids\u00a0were twice as likely to act in the same manner. \u00a0Children whose parents simply told them to be generous were much less likely to practice it.<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bThis gets to the other side of raising ethical children. \u00a0Parents must not only be ethical themselves but they must model the kind of inner confidence they want their children to acquire. \u00a0Experts encourage parents to work on their own insecurities and depressions as a way to help instill self-confidence in children. \u00a0Insecure parents often raise insecure children. \u00a0And insecure children and adults are not as likely to be ethical. \u00a0If the world is a place to be feared, people are more prone to be selfish, to act and speak unkindly, and to see life as a conditional exercise where only the hardest working and wealthiest deserve good things. .<\/span><\/p>\n \u200bIf we believe we are all children of God,\u00a0or of some force greater than ourselves, then\u00a0how we feel loved by\u00a0that\u00a0figurative parent\u00a0is crucial. \u00a0Most world religions believe that life on earth is like a test – we must not only learn right from wrong but then we must live it out with a passing grade. \u00a0But life is\u00a0not\u00a0a test. \u00a0It’s an experience and\u00a0a gift –\u00a0one that we only get once. \u00a0To be a genuinely ethical person, generous, empathetic and compassionate behavior must come from the heart and soul. \u00a0We cannotearn\u00a0the title of goodness. \u00a0We must simply\u00a0be\u00a0good in ways that pour out of us in unconscious ways. \u00a0To encourage that development in children, its essential that they be raised in ways that allow them to feel safe, loved and valuable – not for what they\u00a0do\u00a0but simply for who they\u00a0are.<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0This\u00a0attitude transfers to how we ought to see other people – as children of\u00a0some powerful force – God, natural forces, the power of love – ones\u00a0who were wonderfully brought into being. \u00a0Since that is so,\u00a0every\u00a0person has value. \u00a0We all deserve equality of opportunity. \u00a0We all deserve the basics of life. \u00a0We all deserve the honor of being respected\u00a0and valued.\u00a0\u00a0So much of the hate, violence and political divisions in our nation and world come from a root sense of insecurity about self and life. \u00a0If each person were raised in a way that told them they are a champion, that they are special, there would be far less resentment, jealousy,\u00a0and\u00a0anger in our world. \u00a0Those negative attitudes do not come honestly – they come from deep insecurity and fear. \u00a0People can be gay, straight, black, white, liberal, conservative, religious, Atheist, native born, immigrant, whatever – and that’s OK. \u00a0That’s good! \u00a0Humanity is a beautiful and colorful tapestry woven by our maker in a way that says each unique thread is\u00a0vital to the well being of all. \u00a0This is a KumBahYah ethic but it rings eternally true.<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0The hunger of any human heart is to feel loved and appreciated. \u00a0Such a feeling is oxygen to the soul. \u00a0For any of us who may have lacked such love and\u00a0respect\u00a0in our upbringing, we can find it in how we give, serve and treat others. \u00a0We can let go of anger at our parents and try, instead, to break cycles of insecurity by building into others –\u00a0and especially children\u00a0– the kind of self love that is uplifting, pure and modest. \u00a0Only by finding such inner peace can we, and the children over whom we have influence, grow into ethical and intrinsically beautiful people.\u00a0\u00a0Long live the millennial generation!<\/span><\/p>\n I wish you all much peace and joy.<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" (c) Doug Slagle, Pastor at the Gathering UCC, All Rights Reserved To download and listen to the message, please click here. \u00a0To read the message, please see below. 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