{"id":1633,"date":"2012-06-10T11:35:10","date_gmt":"2012-06-10T18:35:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thegatheringcincinnati.org\/?p=1633"},"modified":"2012-06-10T11:35:10","modified_gmt":"2012-06-10T18:35:10","slug":"june-6-2012-destination-life-checking-in-to-the-heartbreak-hotel","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/2012\/06\/10\/june-6-2012-destination-life-checking-in-to-the-heartbreak-hotel\/","title":{"rendered":"June 6, 2012, "Destination Life: Checking In to the Heartbreak Hotel""},"content":{"rendered":"

Message 97, \u201cDestination Life: Heartbreak Hotel\u201d, 6-10-12;\u00a0 \u00a9 Doug Slagle\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

To listen to the message, click here. \u00a0To read it, see below.<\/p>\n\n

 <\/p>\n

In the classic story about suffering, one that has its roots in myths dating to before 1000 BCE, a good, righteous and faithful man named Job suddenly finds himself in the midst of almost unimaginable distress.\u00a0 As described in the Biblical Old Testament, Job is very wealthy, he has a large family with many sons – a good thing in his male oriented culture – and he is quite happy.\u00a0 His trust, in what he believes to be a loving God, is strong.\u00a0 Life for Job is as good as it gets.<\/p>\n

The story describes how Satan, walking to and fro in the heavens, notices Job\u2019s life and begins to taunt God about the nature of Job\u2019s faith.\u00a0 Is it real or is it a mere byproduct of a very comfortable life?\u00a0 Would Job be so faithful if he were not<\/span><\/em> so blessed?\u00a0 Satan is finally allowed by God to have complete power over Job\u2019s life and thus test him.<\/p>\n

Soon, Job\u2019s abundant flocks of cattle, sheep and camels are either killed or stolen.\u00a0 Such flocks were the currency of his day, a living bank account of wealth.\u00a0 As Job is financially ruined, he is also devastated by the deaths of his seven sons and three daughters.\u00a0 Children were beloved family members but in ancient cultures they were also sources for parents of future security.\u00a0 In short order, Job is reduced to wrenching grief and total destitution.<\/p>\n

But all is not over for poor Job.\u00a0 Satan knows Job\u2019s suffering is not complete and so he asks God for permission to directly attack Job\u2019s health.\u00a0 Soon, large and painful boils erupted all over Job.\u00a0 Having a visible and nasty appearing skin condition are particularly hideous in traditional Jewish cultures – a sign of uncleanness and God\u2019s disfavor.\u00a0 Along with other unusual commands in the Book of Leviticus, people with boils, rashes or leprosy are to be shunned.\u00a0 At this point, Job could not fall any lower.\u00a0 Even his wife tells Job that he should curse God and die.\u00a0 Give up, she implies.\u00a0 You have no life that is worth living.<\/p>\n

In this June message series entitled \u201cDestination Life\u201d, I want to consider a spirituality of life itself.\u00a0 As we looked at last week, who or what controls our lives?\u00a0 How do we respond to the powerful forces that seem to determine our destiny?\u00a0 Are we captains of our souls?\u00a0 And when we figuratively check into the \u201cHeartbreak Hotel\u201d – as we will consider today – how do we conduct ourselves?\u00a0 What is a spiritual response to hardship?\u00a0 Finally, as we will examine next Sunday, when we land on \u201cEasy Street\u201d, what is our response then?<\/p>\n

Woody Hayes, the former and infamous Ohio State football coach, once said, \u201cThere’s nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.\u201d\u00a0 An apparent confirmation of such wisdom is the Chinese written word for \u201ccrisis\u201d.\u00a0 It is comprised of two characters – one represents \u201cdanger\u201d and the other represents \u201copportunity\u201d.\u00a0 This Chinese blending of two meanings into one word can inform our understanding of \u201chardship\u201d.\u00a0 In any calamity, setback or problem is a seed for potential growth and change.\u00a0 Indeed, we rarely change our ways when we are successful.\u00a0 Prosperity, or coasting along with no problems in life, too often breeds contentment which can encourage complacency.<\/p>\n

What we find in the story of Job is that hardships in life have always elicited age the same responses – those of shock, confusion, denial, anger and then, hopefully, acceptance and change.\u00a0 Job is confronted after his fall by a trio of friends who tell him he must repent of grave sin in his life, but they cannot diagnose what that sin might be.\u00a0 Indeed, such advice has been common for thousands of years.\u00a0 Too often we believe, as I discussed last week, that individuals are alone responsible for their good or bad fortune.\u00a0 Such is the myth that \u201cfree-will\u201d alone determines fate and that the poor, sick or destitute deserve their hardship because of poor choices, just as the successful deserve their largesse solely because of their right choices.<\/p>\n

Job refuses to accept the advice that his hardships must be his fault.\u00a0 Even so, he remains unsure what his response should be.\u00a0 He had been a faithful man, after all.\u00a0 What sin could he have committed that is so grave as to deserve his distress?\u00a0 If he had not sinned, why was God punishing him?\u00a0 Absent any great sin in his life, Job must struggle with the eternal question of why bad things happen to good people.\u00a0 Answers to that question are difficult for most world religions to address – either God is in control and thus allows for evil and suffering, or else he is not in control and is therefore impotent in the face of human pain.\u00a0 The former idea points to an indifferent God who is NOT compassionate and loving.\u00a0 The latter idea, points to a God who is unable to prevent evil.\u00a0 Both ideas run contrary to most religious thinking about the Divine.\u00a0 Job, as I said, does not know what to think.<\/p>\n

He eventually confronts God with anger and bitterness.\u00a0 Just as it is said Jesus lamented on the Cross – \u201cWhy have you forsaken me God?\u201d, Job also demands answers.\u00a0 \u201cWhat have I done to deserve this form of living hell?\u201d<\/p>\n

Whether or not we believe in a theistic God, we must still wrestle with why evil and misfortune exist in our world.\u00a0 The conclusions we reach about why hardships exist will shape our understanding of how to respond.<\/p>\n

If we believe gods or goddesses cause, or allow for, our hardships, then our likely response is to live in fear of these deities.\u00a0 We obey them.\u00a0 We honor them in an effort to please them.\u00a0 We profess belief in them in order to win their favor.\u00a0 Fear, as we have discussed in here before, is not a sound basis for life.<\/p>\n

If we believe hardships are the result of natural but uncaring forces in our universe, then we respond either with abject resignation (what can we do in the face of such forces working against us?) or, we work to change them and thus be sources of light and love in a pain filled universe.\u00a0 Fear or love: which do we choose?<\/p>\n

In order to survive the suffering in our lives, we must change.\u00a0 We must grow.\u00a0 We must refuse to give up.\u00a0 We must fight and work and rally against human suffering – that which we experience and that which others experience.\u00a0 And this, my friends, this is the \u201cAh-ha\u201d moment for us about the reason for heartbreak and evil. \u00a0They exist for our good<\/span><\/strong>.\u00a0 They exist for our growth.\u00a0 They exist in order that we change.\u00a0 Of all the forces active in our world, what seems like evil may not be evil after all.\u00a0 Indeed, so-called evil serves a good purpose.<\/p>\n

Such an idea is not mere platitude.\u00a0 It is a literal and scientific fact.\u00a0 When a weightlifter or long distance runner exclaims that there is no gain without pain, such is a biological fact – the fibers of our muscles must be microscopically torn in order to gain new strength.\u00a0 Trees grow stronger and more resilient – their roots grow deeper – the more they are stressed by wind or drought.\u00a0 Psychologically, we know that only when we deal with our pain, when we confront our inner demons, when we acknowledge our addictions or depressions and the harm they do to us, do we begin a road to recovery.\u00a0 For many of us, we refuse to change unless pain begins to outweigh pleasure.\u00a0 Pain forces a response – avoid it or confront it.\u00a0 But first, we must reach a point where we cry out into a dark and indifferent universe – \u201cWhy me, God?\u00a0 Why me?\u201d<\/p>\n

And in that moment of brokenness, we will hopefully find clarity and answers.\u00a0 \u201cWhy NOT<\/em> me?\u00a0 Why am I so special that I should not suffer like everyone else?\u00a0 What can I learn in the midst of this crisis?\u00a0 Where is the opportunity from my pain?\u201d<\/p>\n

Charles Stanley, an evangelical Pastor at a large church in Atlanta, compares dealing with adversity to medical surgery.\u00a0 We willingly undergo surgery knowing it is for our good – even if it will be painful and difficult.\u00a0 Surgery is the means to a healthy end.\u00a0 Adversity works in the same manner, he says.\u00a0 It is surgery to our souls.<\/p>\n

Muslims offer similar wisdom.\u00a0 Islamic teaching points out that everybody suffers.\u00a0 As the Quran says, all of the great Scriptural prophets suffered.\u00a0 Noah was laughed at.\u00a0 Abraham was denied a son until he was an old man and then he was ordered to personally sacrifice that son.\u00a0 Elijah was physically attacked by his critics.\u00a0 Isaiah was ridiculed and insulted.\u00a0 Jesus was crucified.\u00a0 Muhammad never knew his father, his mother died when he was young, his wife was killed, his son died and he was stoned almost senseless.\u00a0 Of modern day prophets, Gandhi was jailed and murdered; Martin Luther King was also jailed, mocked and martyred.\u00a0 From the ashes of their misery, from the depths of their personal hells, came flowers of insight, strength and greatness.<\/p>\n

We too must be humble in our suffering.\u00a0 By crying out \u201cWhy me?\u201d, we claim to be special and somehow less deserving of pain than other people.\u00a0 If we accept the fact that pain in our lives is to be expected, that everybody suffers at some point, we might stop feeling so isolated and alone.\u00a0 Indeed, adversity is a fact of life – one from which we cannot escape.\u00a0 Instead of seeing life as a series of misfortunes, we can see it as a series of learning opportunities.<\/p>\n

Such is the ironic mystery of hardship.\u00a0 Ultimately, our distress should not even be seen as something bad.\u00a0 Friedrich Nietzsche, the famous philosopher, frequently wished his friends ill fortune – and he did so with the purest of motivations.\u00a0 He knew adversity would strengthen his friends and cause them to grow into better people.\u00a0 As he said, \u201cThat which does not kill us, makes us stronger.\u201d<\/p>\n

And that is precisely the understanding that Job finds.\u00a0 He did not suffer because he was bad.\u00a0 He suffered expressly because he was good and in need of further refinement.\u00a0 In his complacency, in his comfortable cocoon of easy street living, Job was like many of us.\u00a0 A fortress of well-being induces feelings of invulnerability, self-righteousness and egotism.\u00a0 What good are such attitudes in shaping us as better people?<\/p>\n

Job needed<\/em><\/strong> <\/em>to be stretched.\u00a0 While it might be said that God was cruel in his testing of Job, we should remember the story was not intended to be literal history.\u00a0 As with all allegories and myths, exaggeration was necessary to teach a point.<\/p>\n

Job\u2019s long search for understanding in the depths of his despair is a journey of growth and of finding inner strength.\u00a0 He found that he could endure.\u00a0 He would not give up, curse God and die as his wife suggested.\u00a0 He would even find a way to offer thanks for his suffering and offer his appreciation to God for the tough love.\u00a0\u00a0 Left alone to a life of ease, Job would have died a shallow and incomplete man.\u00a0 Through his suffering, he gained wisdom, humility and perspective.\u00a0 Ultimately, the Biblical and religious lesson is that humans must trust God no matter what.\u00a0 His or her ways are perfect and not ours to question.\u00a0 What might seem like suffering is really a part of the Divine plan.<\/p>\n

For others who do not believe in a theistic God, the lesson from the story is similar.\u00a0 We must trust the little \u2018g\u2019 god inside of us – the god who does not give up, the god who struggles against adverse forces, the god who accepts that pain is a soul cleansing agent, as Woody Hayes said.\u00a0 If we truly accept that hardship is good for us, we do not mock it by pursuing it in some masochistic manner.\u00a0 Instead, we accept hardship as fact and as opportunity.<\/p>\n

Most experts assert that resiliency and positive thinking, in the face of hardship, are self-fulfilling.\u00a0 Those who are resilient, who bounce back despite adversity, are happier people.\u00a0 And, happier people are more resilient when faced with adversity.\u00a0\u00a0 Studies show that resilient people are those who actively seek strong relationships in their lives – with friends, family members, clubs and organizations like faith communities.\u00a0 In doing so, they have a built-in network of support when adversity strikes.\u00a0 Resilient people are confident in their abilities and have a positive view of themselves – they believe in their power to overcome.\u00a0 Resilient people have strong common sense and problem solving abilities – they are able to understand and think about situations they face.\u00a0 And, they are able to manage and control the powerful emotions that affect any of us.\u00a0 They can control temptations, anger, depression and loneliness.\u00a0 They have learned hardship coping skills.<\/p>\n

In the midst of adversity, there are several suggested ways to cope.\u00a0 First, we should plan ahead for difficulties – the more we think through strategies for coping ahead of time, the less influenced we will be by emotion.\u00a0 Second, it is OK to grieve and mourn any loss or difficulty.\u00a0 Grief is a part of the healing process.\u00a0 Third, it is OK to laugh and experience joy in times of trouble.\u00a0 If we cannot find humor on our own, we should seek it by watching funny movies or TV shows or reading a book that is light and silly.\u00a0 Fourth, we should make goals for ourselves and then take action to accomplish them.\u00a0 Inaction encourages further depression and self-pity.\u00a0 Fourth, we should be aware of our growth and what we have learned.\u00a0 In any hardship, we often discover new friends, a new sense of spiritual awareness, a greater feeling of strength, an improved sense of self-worth or a deeper appreciation for life.\u00a0 It is a clich\u00e9 to say, but there are always silver linings along the dark shroud of difficulty.\u00a0 Fifth, we should remain hopeful and refuse to give in to the feeling that all is lost.\u00a0 Sixth, we can diffuse feelings of loss by serving and helping others.\u00a0 Finally, we must find opportunities to pamper ourselves just a bit – eating a delicious meal, spending fun time with a friend, taking time off to shop, visit a park, or exercise.<\/p>\n

One additional lesson from the Book of Job is that while friends and family are helpful, we should avoid those who choose to lecture.\u00a0 At the conclusion of the story, God condemns the friends of Job for their lack of empathy.\u00a0 They represent an analytical approach to problem solving instead of a deeper, heart-felt and introspective examination of hardship.\u00a0 If we choose to piously tell someone who suffers that it is for their own good, how have we helped?\u00a0 Indeed, I pray my message today is not taken as insensitive to those who are in the midst of a difficult time.<\/p>\n

Most people have amazing abilities to cope with crisis.\u00a0 What people need in such times is not advice, but empathy.\u00a0 And empathy is not simplistic sympathy.\u00a0 It is an effort to listen and understand the other.\u00a0 Empathy involves putting oneself in the other\u2019s shoes and feeling their pain.\u00a0 Those who are empathetic to suffering do far, far more listening than they do talking.<\/p>\n

Job\u2019s friends were not truly there for him in his suffering.\u00a0 They were too busy showing how self-righteous they could be.\u00a0 Job, on the other hand, was finding his own way through the darkness.\u00a0 What he wanted was help in finding the god within himself – the power to persevere, overcome and be thankful.\u00a0 When we act as a loving and empathetic god to someone who is suffering, we are joining them on the path to healing.\u00a0 We are implicitly telling them that we too understand pain.\u00a0 They are not alone in that journey.<\/p>\n

Dearest friends, we all ache at the pain we see others experience.\u00a0 We all wish that hardship did not affect our own lives.\u00a0 Why, oh why, is there hurt in the world?\u00a0 Why must the Heartbreak Hotel be a frequent destination and yet never display a \u201cNo Vacancy\u201d sign?\u00a0 It can be a dark and lonely place.\u00a0 Or, it can be a bright and hopeful transition to a new life.\u00a0 Paradoxically, adversity is a necessity in our wondrous world.\u00a0 Without hardship, how would we experience joy?\u00a0 Without evil, how would we understand goodness and love?\u00a0 Without death, how can we truly appreciate life?<\/p>\n

I imagine in my mind\u2019s eye individuals before me and listening online who are coming to terms with who they are as a gay or lesbian, who are working to support a family, who are fighting to create justice in an unfair world, who are doing all they can to find healing and power in their bodies and in their minds. \u00a0\u00a0Let us inspire<\/span><\/em><\/strong> one another with our determination in the face of hardship.\u00a0 Let us check in to the Heartbreak Hotel of life and, with loved ones beside us, may we find our stay short but full of promise and change for the better.<\/p>\n

Peace, I pray, be with you…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Message 97, \u201cDestination Life: Heartbreak Hotel\u201d, 6-10-12;\u00a0 \u00a9 Doug Slagle To listen to the message, click here. \u00a0To read it, see below.   In the classic story about suffering, one that has its roots in myths dating to before 1000 BCE, a good, righteous and faithful man named Job suddenly finds himself in the midst […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1633","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1633","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1633"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1633\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1633"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1633"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gnhuu.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1633"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}